LIVING & GRIEVING

14. eighteenth birthday

The girls had talked me into having our friend group round the night before my birthday to celebrate. I agreed on two conditions. One being that we wouldn't celebrate. Neither of them could mention it was for my birthday. The boys wouldn't know any different. They're boys, they wouldn't remember what date it was. Two being that we did it the night before, so I could go back to ignoring the fact it was my birthday on the actual day.

All of us were sat in a circle around the firepit; me, Olivia, Hannah, James, Mark, Sean, and we'd even invited Cliodhan. She had been sitting with us almost every day at school, and it wouldn't have been right not to include her. Olivia and James had scooted their chairs closer to each other and were sharing the one blanket. They laughed as we teased them, but their smiles said it all.

Sean and I had also buried the hatchet; we went back to almost completely normal after that day on the beach. When I finally told Lorna about the situation, she said I forgave him so easily because my friends had always been a constant in my life. I was scared of going through even more change. Even though I had seen a side of him I really didn't like. I knew it was easier to get along again, rather than completely change the group dynamic. He truly seemed sorry too.

This was the first time we had all been at mine together in almost a year. I stopped having them round once it was obvious mum was ill. That's when she stopped letting anyone at all come over.

I spotted Quinn in the kitchen window. My dad was talking to him, probably asking him about the GAA. He wasn't a big fan, he preferred football, but he still respected Quinn was a good player. They found a common ground with sport. Before I knew it, he was making his way out to us in the back garden.

"You weren't invited Quinn."

"My mum sent me round with some pie. Don't worry, nobody asked me to chaperone your birthday this year."

"Fuck off, is it your birthday V?" James sat up, "you never said."

"Yeah, and I didn't say for a reason."

Because of Quinn, I couldn't have my friend's round for casual drinks without having to celebrate my fucking birthday. It was supposed to be fun turning eighteen. But my birthdays were always fun because mum made them special. I didn't want to have a special birthday without her. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, he made sure I couldn't ignore the fact tomorrow too. "It's actually tomorrow," he continued, smirking. I stared at him, laced with anger. Okay

"You should have a drink with us Quinn, you deserve one more than the rest of us for remembering," Mark tried to lighten the mood.

"He was just leaving actually," I shot him a glare.

"You're right Mark, I do deserve a drink. I think I'll stay for a while. Thanks for having me, Ivy," he grabbed a chair and placed himself in between me and Sean, who had no problems moving over to make space. I noticed Cliodhan sitting up a little straighter and even fixing her hair.

I tried to argue, "you're not fucking staying Quinn, you weren't invited," but it was too late. My backstabbing friends had already welcomed him with open arms. He was almost immediately the centre of conversation. Everyone wanted to talk to him. Even though they all knew it was my birthday now.

"It's class to be round here again," Mark smiled, sensing my discomfort, "we've had a lot of good memories at yours, V."

"Probably because we all had our first drinks here," Sean laughed.

"That's right, I have to admit I actually had my first kiss here too."

"Me too. Harry Jones," I cringed at the memory.