Stargazer (Eddie Vedder)

10

September 2, 1991

It was out. Ten was out. And we were all sitting in a diner, reading the reviews.

Eddie and I sat next to Mike, and across from us were Stone and Jeff. Eddie kept brushing over my hand, making me fight with everything in me to not grab his. This was just like that scene in the movie that the three of them did, except there wasn't anything negative that was said about us.

Quite the opposite.

"C'mon, read it, Mooney," Jeff whined, shoving a newspaper in my face. I had to catch my coffee mug from spilling into my lap.

"Why me? Shouldn't Vedder read it? Being frontman and all?"

"I should be saving my voice," he mumbled into his own mug. I grumbled, snatching the paper up and folding it.

"Alright, ahem, 'Ten proves to be a monumental album that will stand the test of time. Pearl Jam has proved with their first outing that they indeed know what they're doing. Formed from the ashes of Mother Love Bone, former members Stone Gossard, Jeff Ament, and Luna Watts join forces with vocalist Eddie Vedder and lead guitarist Mike McCready to spin tales of depression, loneliness, and suicide with a hard rock twist. With the signature sound that Seattle is becoming known for, Pearl Jam opens with 'Once', part of a multi-part song cycle that continues with 'Alive', another forceful track. One of the standouts of the album is 'Jeremy', which was partially inspired by the real-life suicide of a high school student in Texas. We estimate that this album will continue to send shock waves through the Seattle area, and eventually, the world.'" I pushed the paper down on the counter, frowning. "So why the fuck isn't it selling well?"

Eddie leaned back in his seat, hand on his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe it'll sell better when the tour starts."

"Eddie, touring doesn't change everything. It might just not be in the cards for it to do well."

"Luna, I think there's a shot. You never know. We might be the biggest album in the world someday, it's just that we're new," Stone leaned across the table. "Things don't happen immediately."

"Well, I don't know," I whined, rolling my eyes, "maybe if it was so 'monumental', it would actually sell more than 2,000 records in a week. That would be nice. That would pay my damn rent." I folded my arms across my chest.

"Just relax. It'll be fine. Just wait, things will turn around at the end of the month. Touring might take your mind off this shit." Mike mumbled. I downed my coffee, nearly slamming it on the table in anger. Eddie jumped.

"Sorry. Stress."

"Yeah, I can see that."

I scooted out of the booth. "I really need a smoke." I shoved the diner's door open, nearly taking out a businessman storming down the street. I leaned on the wall in the alley, flicking my lighter. God, I already need a break. Haven't been in the band for a year and I need a break. A long sigh escaped my lips as I let out the smoke. A tear rolled down my face, and I swiped it away quickly.

"Uh, Mike wanted to ask if you were doing that MTV interview instead of him. Headbanger's Ball?" Eddie stood at the end of the alley, watching me.

I jerked my head up. "Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, alright."

"Jesus, love, you look terrible. Have you slept?"

I sighed. "Not really. Haven't been able to."

"Alright, come here." He opened his arms, engulfing me in his chest. I held the cigarette carefully away from him, sighing again and melting into his touch.

"I'm so burnt out. All this fuckin' press and shows and non-stop being with the band. I need a vacation. I need to do something."

"You can always go see your parents."

"Ed, I am not flying to New Jersey because I'm having a bad day. It's colder there than it is here."

He chuckled. "Why did they move all the way out there anyway?"
"I probably drove them away." I made myself chuckle.

"Well, anyways, vacation or not, you have at least three weeks of no tour, hardly any rehearsal, nothing. You can just relax. Take your mind off shit. Breathe. If, y'know, this, isn't helping, we can always take a break until you feel-"

"No, please no. Please, God, no. This might be one of the least stressful things I've done recently." I felt my throat tighten. Fuck, I am not going to start crying. Don't do it, Luna, don't you fucking dare.

"Okay, Mooney, I have to go. I'm heading out with some friends tonight. You sure you're gonna be alright?" I pushed myself off his chest, looking at him.

"Yeah. Thank you." I leaned up to kiss him, holding his face when I pulled away. "Take one for the road?" I held up the carton of cigs.

"You know I don't smoke, but I'll hold it." He took one out carefully, stuffing it in his pocket before walking away.

I hadn't even realized my smoke was starting to burn my finger.