Let Me Know

Chapter 1

May 19, 2021

Taehyung POV

Darkness. It does not matter if my eyes are opened or closed. Pure Darkness, it's all I see.

Ever since the call ended I haven't been able to move from this bed. The once huge and lively apartment seems to swallow me up. I have been living here for a few months now and I never felt as lonely as I feel right now. That call changed everything. Now I lie here staring at my high ceilings wondering if I will ever have the will power to get up and face my new reality. A new reality where my phone wont ring again because of her call. Where I wont have my usual FaceTime calls in the morning before practice or at night before bed. Where I wont hear her voice or get to see her beautiful face. I still have our pictures in my phone but I can't get myself to look at them much less erase them.

I somehow knew the break up was coming but I was not ready to let go. I didn't want to face the fact that she was pulling away. I was so excited about her trip here this summer. I was hoping she would finally make the decision to move. I knew she was hesitant about the idea of moving across the world but I figured once she was in my arms that would convince her that she belongs here with me. I really wanted her to belong to me.

I tried to ignore all the warning signs. I didn't listen to her subtle comments about the trip. Her concern about leaving her parents and being so far away. Her comments about how brave Ella was for moving here for Namjoon. How she could not imagine how Ella could do something like that. I now understand that was her way of letting me know she was not ready for such a big commitment. I can't blame her for her decision but that doesn't mean it didn't kill me. I feel like someone has taken a knife and has cut my heart in small pieces that will never be glued back together.

I search for my phone feeling my bed with both my hands and I find it under one of my many pillows. I close my eyes afraid to look at the day or time. I want that call to be a nightmare where I will wake up at any time and she will call me again. We will talk about her next class and how much homework she had to do last night. But when I finally find the strength to turn on my phone I see that it's almost noon and I have been in this bed for two days. I have several missed calls from the guys and text messages from all my sisters in law. Our group chat is filled with words of concern for me and it looks like Ella has gotten the news already because her last message is for everyone to give me some time to reach out when I am ready. She doesn't explain what she knows but by the replies from the others it seems that there is no need. Jimin texted me outside of the group chat asking me if he could come over and he offered to bring soju. He ended his text with "I am here for you bro. I love you". I know they all care but right now I don't want to see anyone. I want darkness to find me again and sleep is the only place where I don't feel anything and I can find some peace.

A loud noice startles me awake and I hear a quiet voice curse. I open my eyes once realization hits and I recognize the voice. I don't make any effort to get up from my bed I just turn to the bedroom door hoping she wont come in here. Of course with Hwa nothing goes my way and she ends up opening the door to my bedroom. She stands in the doorway carrying a bamboo tray with multiple dishes. Without seeing the contents I know they are all my favorite. Because little Ms. Perfect has memorized everyone's favorite food since she started working for us. I imagine her mind is filled with cabinets of files and each cabinet has our picture where she keeps all the information. She has been our assistant for only a few months but they were enough for her to learn every single tiny detail about each of us. Having Jimin as her best friend and confidant helps because he is the first one to give away all our secrets. Of course Jimin is not the only leak. In her short time with us Ms. Always Perfect has won the girls over, becoming the new addition to their circle of friends. The other guys haven't been able to avoid her charm and have fallen for her sweet voice and blinding smile. Around them she is all cheer and joy but I am the only one that can see through her cracks. I have seen her smile fade many times when the others are not looking. I know the front she puts up is fake and her intentions are not what everyone thinks. She is a spoiled daughter of a very wealthy family she probably asked her daddy to get her a job at the company again so she could be closer to Jimin. Back when we were all trainees I know he had a crush on her. He never admitted it but I could tell. Of course she probably would have refused him since he was below her. She was also a trainee but had money and status. Jimin on the other hand had nothing. Now he is the biggest idol in Korea and has become a hot commodity.