Let Me Know

Chapter 5

August 07, 2021

Taehyung POV

Life has been moving fast lately with all the different projects we have scheduled. Between the releases of multiple songs and music videos I haven't had the chance to just sit and think. The word rest is no longer a word in my vocabulary and I have been running on empty for a while. Today is one of those rare days that we don't have anything scheduled. I don't know if its because it was meant to be that way or if Jin and Min had anything to do with it. We are set to meet at Jin's parents house for a family dinner. I can't say I am excited for what's to come but I was not allowed to get out of it. Jin made it clear that we all had to be there and I am not the type to disappoint my hyung.

Maybe this is why I am still sitting in my car contemplating if I should get out and join the others inside. The guys, their significant others and Jin's family are not the problem. I enjoy my time with all of them and they are amazing to be around. The problem is Hwa-Young and her family. I haven't met them before and I feel no interest in meeting them. I know they are wealthy and very important people but I don't have the patience to deal with new people at the moment. I haven't had the patience for anything lately. I know, I a am not blind to the way I have been acting lately. I know the guys know too. My usual short fuse is non existent since everything that happened with Lily. Dance practice and rehearsals have been a pain which were always something I enjoyed. Now I cant wait for it to be over so I can stop being the fake cheerful person I am not.

I know I have been horrible to the staff mostly with Hwa-Young but I just can't help it. I see her and I get upset again. I can't explain it. Everything about her annoys me. From her soft dimples, gentle features to the way her feet are so small she could wear children's shoes. The way she always smells expensive but it's not overwhelming. The way she always eats the same thing for lunch. How she walks around with her head buried in her tablet that has become her life line. The way she knows what I want before I can say it. The fact that she has multiple smiles and each one is prettier than the next. The smile she uses with the other staff is always warm and respectful. The one she saves for the other members is kind and understanding. The one she shares with the girls is carefree and can light up the darkest of rooms. Unfortunately I only get to see those smiles when other people are around. She does not have a smile for me and I think thats mainly my fault. It's already enough that every time she looks at me its feels like she can see my soul I think if she ever smiled at me the way she does with everyone else she might blind me or hypnotize me. She scares me. Maybe thats why I wont let myself think about the way she felt when she was on top of me.

I hear my phone ring at the right time stopping me from thinking further about how I want our encounter to repeat. I look at my screen and Lily's picture we took at Disney last year appears. Her smiling face, the princess castle in the background and her Little Mermaid themed Mini Ears take me back to that magical day. The thoughts of Hwa fade away as I wish I could go back to that day and do everything all over again. I answer her video chat even tho I don't want to look away from that picture.

"Hi Tae" her smiling face appears and I force myself to smile back.

"Hi" I say wondering the reason for her call this late in the day. Her usual call time is early in the morning in Korea and about the same time she is getting ready for bed.

"Why are you in your car? Where are you going?" she questions with a suspicious tone as I watch her look beyond me.

"I am outside of Jin's parents house" I answer.