Let Me Know

Chapter 6

September 25, 2021

HWA's POV

Where do I start? I stare at the door unsure of my next steps. The last couple of weeks have been difficult and confusing which have made me mentally and physically tired. The night everything changed still plays in my head every single day. It's hard to forget about it when my mom has decided to call me every single day to "talk". In reality she is just hoping I wont mess this "relationship" up. She does not want to loose the bragging rights of her daughter dating a member of the worlds biggest boy band and probably the most famous person in the country. If only she knew that all of this is just a Lie. A lie I had no control over.

I still can't believe all this is happening. After that night my emotions have been all over the place and Tae is not really helping. The way he kissed me that night still gives me goosebumps every time it comes to mind. He confused me further with his actions that night. The way he lied so easily and told our families that we are dating. The way he stayed by my side the whole time knowing what he had done. I felt protected and for a long time since I left my dad I haven't felt that way. The next day I wanted to come clean to everyone and he refused which of course made my head dizzy with conflicting thoughts. Not even a few hours before he had ignored me because his ex-girlfriend was calling. I don't understand how one minute he is livid because I don't want to lie anymore and the next he is leaving me so he can take her call.

With all of this happening I couldn't help but come clean to the girls and tell them the truth. I needed to just say it out loud or I would explode. The guys were headed to the US to do press and I had asked to stay behind. For some time now I had been avoiding Tae and any situation where we would be alone. I needed some time away from him and I knew Sun would cover for me in a heart beat. I knew she wanted more time with Hobi and she was already on break from school and it actually worked out in the end for both us.

The night before they left the girls and I got together. I joined Min, Ara, Ella and Sun at one of their favorite restaurants and we enjoyed Korean BBQ together. I told them everything and started from the very beginning. Now they know I had a crush on Tae since before they debuted. In some not so detailed words I told them about our encounters and how he made me feel. They now know how we had lied and said we were together when in reality we don't even know what we are after everything we have done together. To my surprise I felt no judgement coming from them and it was the total opposite. They were very understanding of my situation. I have been told their relationship with the guys were difficult at the beginning and all of them struggled in some kind of way so it makes sense that if anyone was going to understand me it would be them. Talking about it brought me no clarity but it did intensify the need of staying away from Tae for some time while I fixed my head.

After this time away from him I have to admit I am starting to see the light. I had the time to clear my mind and focus on what I really want. I came back to Korea to pursue my dream and not to let my hormones take over my world. I went years without even thinking about a boy and I am not about to let anyone ruin my plans. This was just a girl seeing her crush for the first time after many years and giving in into her feelings for a small moment. Now the woman is back and from now on I will only do my job and continue saving to own my gallery. I am determine to confront Taehyung and let him know we will come clean to my family and I will deal with the aftermath because I am a grown woman and dont need anyone saving me. I keep telling this to myself while I stand here in front of his door. The guys came back to Korea this morning and I was not expecting to hear from any of them until tomorrow. I knew most wanted to incorporate themselves back into their non public lives. I was surprised by Tae's text asking for me to come over tonight. I was ready to face him as soon as he came back but didnt know it would be this soon.