Push & Gravity

5

Try as he might, Javier couldn't get Natalia's words out of his head.

It all came as a shock to him, from the way she threw it all at him out of nowhere, to the way her accusations... rang true, a little, inside of him.

He hadn't seen it as revenge when he invited Natalia to his house. He didn't plan to sleep with her that night. But maybe he did think that if Sofía was going to be with Raúl, he could be with someone else. Maybe he was hurt from Sofía rejecting his advances and he latched onto Natalia because she did like him.

'You fucked me because the one you really wanted didn't want to fuck you.'

The idea disgusted him— almost scared him. He didn't want to be the kind of person who did that. It sounded like something his dad would do— using someone like that.

He could not be like his dad. He'd rather die first.

And he wasn't. Javier shook that thought out of his system and buried it underground. He'd never be like him, and damn Natalia for even making him entertain that thought. Maybe he'd done a bad thing subconsciously— That didn't compare to the hundred horrific things his dad did unabashedly or the fucked up things Natalia had done premeditatedly and completely aware of the wrong of her actions.

But she did it to save her life.

Not the selling drugs part. Nor the stealing money to get designer bags.

You threw someone off a balcony.

Javier shuddered and squirmed in his bed. That was different.

'You're using it as an excuse.'

Javier sat up, rubbing his eyes. It was clear he wouldn't get any more sleep.

Her last words had hurt in a different way. They had stabbed right in his unrequited feelings, in his frustration for not being chosen when he was the better option, in his heartbreak and his wondering why he wasn't enough.

Javier still liked Sofía. How could he not with how amazing she was? With how brilliant she showed to be day after day? She was strong, she was funny, and he'd like her for so long now that it was almost a personality trait of his by this point, a reflex always present under the surface.

The problem was that there was always a 'but' attached to it.

He liked Sofía but they were just getting to know each other. He liked Sofía but it wasn't the right time. He liked Sofía but she liked Raúl.

'Now that Sofía is angry at Raúl, you think she's gonna give you a chance.'

He didn't think he'd thought of that. At least, again, not consciously. There was too much shit going on right now for him to be moving along some master plan to get the girl. But if the opportunity presented itself, of course he'd like to try things out with Sofía.

What exactly was Natalia accusing him of here? Leading her on? He'd been very fucking clear he didn't want anything to do with her anymore. Choosing Sofía over her? Of course he'd choose Sofía! If it really came down to choosing – as if anything was ever as simple as that— Sofía would be the only rational choice, the obvious one.

Sofía didn't make out with his dad. Sofía wasn't a pathological liar. Sofía didn't steal from others. Sofía didn't hide atrocious things from him. Sofía hadn't gotten involved with drug dealers and indirectly caused a death. Sofía wasn't nearly as infuriating. Sofía didn't do impulsive things in the middle of a plan, throwing everyone off, and yet somehow managed to make it work out and then bragged about it. Sofía didn't show up to their nocturnal infiltration into school dressed in what had to be a secret agent costume; she took things seriously. Sofía didn't take him by surprise by thinking so well on her feet; everyone knew she was smart. Sofía didn't just walk up to the guy at the door of a club and convinced him to let them in in an amazing and annoying display of seduction. Sofía didn't have that cute little voice, perfect to manipulate. Sofía didn't have those sweet, innocent looks that made you lay your guard down. Sofía didn't have that adorable laugh. Sofía didn't have those expressive eyes. Sofía didn't...

Javier jumped from his bed.

He needed to go out for a run.

...

..

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