Swim Until You Love Me

Part XIII

"Mads," Steven said, softly, placing his hand over my closed fist.

Belly walked in then. Jeremiah wasn't with her. Good. I'll handle one at a time.

"How could you," I sneered at her.

"Wha-" she began

I breathed in to keep calm. Just like my mother had yesterday. "How could you kiss Jeremiah?"

She glanced at Conrad and then back at me.

"I like him," she said.

"No, you fucking don't," I said, my volume rising. "You picked Conrad. Why do you keep switching?"

"I'm no-"

"Yeah, you are. Oh, Conrad didn't smile at me today, lemme go kiss Jeremiah to forget about it. Oh, Conrad asked me about my day? Who's Jeremiah?" I mimicked her.

"Shut up," she said angrily. "That's not true."

"Uh yeah, it is. Wake up Isabel. Maybe think about somebody other than yourself for a change," I said.

"If I'm so selfish, why do you care? This is my problem."

"This affects more than just you Belly," Steven cut in. "Every time you pick one over the other, you break hearts- it gets ugly. You're our family Belly, we'll always choose you, even if we lose them in the process. But if you drive them apart," he hesitated. "That's not okay," he finished.

"You'll always choose me?" she scoffed. "Madi didn't even want me staying here."

"Gee, I wonder why," I sneered. 

"Why?" Mom asked, coming into the room. Shit.

I was too far in to back down now. "She keeps making things awkward. And I'm tired of babysitting her all the time."

"I don't ask you to-"

"Well, I have to anyway. You keep fucking things up otherwise. I mean look just now- you've gone and kissed Jeremiah."

Jeremiah walked in as though summoned.

She looked at him and scoffed, "Just admit it. The real reason you're so upset is because you want me to be with Conrad," she said to me.

"I couldn't care less who you actually date. I'm just saying stop jumping around."

"Okay, then I'll date Jeremiah." she said. Shit.

"That's not what I meant."

"Oh, you didn't? You're so obvious Madi. You just wanna take away my choice based on some childhood fantasy."

"I'm not taking away your choice, I'm just helping you make the right one."

"I don't need your help,"

"Yeah, you do. You always need my help. Seriously, I leave you alone for two seconds, you do stuff like telling people's girlfriends that they cheated, or telling someone you hate them at their mom's funeral."

The room was so silent, it hurt my ears. Belly looked like she'd just been slapped.

"If you're so burdened by me, just leave," she said.

"I wish I could," I said.

"Madi!" Mom said.

I whirled around, properly pissed now. "What, you're no different! Ever since Susannah died, you've done nothing mom. For us, I mean. You've just been closed up in your study all day, expecting me to feed you, to ask if you're okay. What about me, Mom? Or what about Steven? He's been away from home all year. Do you even care anymore?"