ROSES AND CURTAINS [A BOY LOVE NOVEL]

XX.

"Isasara na yung bakery. Hindi mo na kailangan pumunta don. Ang gusto ko pagka galing mo sa eskwela eh didiretso ka na agad dito para tumulong sa gawaing bahay. Yang pesteng Tiya Linda mo bigla-bigla na lang sasabihing ibebenta nya yung lupa"

Tantan listens to the rant of his mother as he changes Julius's diapers. He's thinking how to go about the game gayong nakakalamang na lalo ang mga kaibigan niya kay Benedict. Mas nabawasan pa siya ng tsyansa dahil sa pagsasara ng bakery. Kung hindi nga naman siya minamalas.

He's facing shit, literally dahil punong puno ng dumi ang diapers ni Julius. It's also been days since he saw Aki. Hula niya grounded ulit 'to. Worried about Aki, Tantan decides to leave the house after finishing his chores. He's planning to meet his friends and ask them to come with him and visit them at his house kahit alam niyang hindi sila gusto ng mga magulang nito. He just wants to check if his friend is still breathing.

He is on his way to Justine's house. Pagdaan niya sa simbahan Tantan saw something that would change the entire landscape of his thinking towards the 500 peso challenge and his plans at that moment.

Now hear him out, listening to Justine the past weeks about his accounts with Benedict was a different thing, pero seeing it with his own eyes left a pang in the chest. There at the closed bakery Justine is drinking soft drinks with Benedict. They look sweet. The two don't see him. Pano naman siya makikita? Eh busy si Justine kaka-himas ng braso, Benedict looks very accepting and returns the touches.

This isn't about the 500 pesos. This is about Tantan's beating heart which is slowly breaking into tiny pieces. He hides somewhere and collects his strength. He wanted to cry. This is worse than Paloma's explanation about jealousy. Hindi ka lang basta nata-tae at pinagpapawisan. Gusto niyang manakit!! Air has been sucked out of respiratory system.

He looks again at wala na ang dalawa sa dating pwesto. They left. Tantan's feet decides to do the unthinkable. Run away. He finds himself at home once again. He lies down the floor.

Hours passed, he already lost count kung ilang gamu-gamo ang dumapo sa ilaw sa kisame. Then it hit him. The light in his vision began pulsating like the one he experienced when he was starstruck with Benedict at the church. The light bursts leaving all his surrounding in white. It blinded him for a second as if telling him he should do something about what he is feeling.

He wakes up from this abrupt hallucination and he stood up. Pagtayo niya he saw his sketchpad lying down on a table with an unfinished sketch of the church. The pages are calling him. Come to me, it says. Do something about me.

Tantan felt a paradigm shift. He grabs the sketchpad and started running away from his house. He reaches the church. It was at this moment he said, yes, he wants to see the boy.

The 6pm mass was just concluded. He went inside. Sat on one of the pews and began sketching the insides of the church. Benedict arrives at the altar with the same bucket with cleaning materials. Tantan doesn't want to get distracted. Instead he continued sketching, but not just the insides of the church. He was very particular with the image of a boy cleaning the altar. It was Benedict.

Minutes pass by. Benedict notices him at lumapit sa kaniya. He still focusing on the drawing.

"Tagal mong di bumalik" Benedict says to him. Tantan stops momentarily. Parang nawala yung kaba sa dibdib niya. He keeps on thinking how Justine's hands lands on Benedict's shoulder. Enough for him to shoo away the shyness that is developing inside of him. Tumango si Tantan. "Daming school works eh"

"Inaantay kita lagi eh. Diba sabi mo nun babalik ka tas di ka naman bumalik. Pati si Kuya Noel inaantay kasi sabi ko may magda-drawing nung simbahan"

Tantan felt butterflies coming out of his stomach. Wow. So hinahanap siya?! But still he was with Justine so he shouldn't be making conclusions now.

"Sorry. Pero ito babalik na ako lagi"

"Ok na sugat mo?" 

"Oo magaling na" Tantan then looks at Benedict's hands. Still no ring. Which means Justine has not yet won this challenge.

"Magsasara na pala yung bakery, pano kayo ng mama mo?"

"Pano mo nalaman na mama ko yun?"

"Kamukha mo eh"

Benedict looks at his drawing and sees that there is a boy cleaning the altar depicted on the paper. "Ako ba yan?"

Tantan immediately closes his sketchpad. Nahiya!

"Eh nandun ka kasi sa view" he says concealing his smile!

Benedict just stares at him, and it made him feel uncomfortable, the good kind of uncomfortable. The kind that makes you warm inside when someone you like is close by you.

"Isasara ko na yung simbahan. Magdo-drawing ka pa?"

Tantan is about to answer. A voice comes out of nowhere. "Nakapag-luto na ba?"

Benedict stands up. A figure of a familiar man coming towards them surprises Tantan. "Opo Padz. I-handa ko na po yung lamesa, magsasara lang po ako."

The man becomes clear in Tantan's figure. Much to his surprise this is the man who gave them the 500 pesos last Christmas! Benedict goes to him at nag-bless. Apparently, he is a priest at the church. Ngayon lang siya nakita ni Tantan dito. For the many years that he has been in this community he never knew that there was a new priest.

"Wag po kayo mag-gala masyado baka magbukas yung sugat ninyo" tells Benedict. The priest looks like he is in some sort of pain. "Ayos lang. Nakaka-bagot lang pag naka-higa sa kama. Dapat ilakad-lakad to"

Lalapit na din si Tantan at nag-bless. The priest doesn't recognize him! But Tantan's memory is solid gold. He is that man!

"Pasensya ka na. Ngayon ko lang nakita si Benedict na may dalang kaibigan. Naka-ilang simbahan na kami wala pa yang nakaka-usap na iba. Kaya pinuntahan ko akala ko pa naman ay nananaginip ako. Isara nyo na tong simbahan. Nagugutom na ako eh. Ano palang pangalan mo?"

"Jonathan po, Tantan po...Father"

"Tantan, anak, hindi ka pa ba hinahanap ng magulang mo?"

"Hindi pa naman po"

"Magdagdag ka na ng isa pang plato Ben, dito ka na mag-hapunan ha. Pag hinanap ka sabihin mo pinakain ka ni Father Alexis. Sara nyo na to, double time."

"Opo pads."

The priest leaves slowly until he is out of sight.

"Punta ka na sa sacristy. Antayin mo na lang ako."

"Ano, nakakahiya eh"

"Bawal tanggihan si padre. Baka magtampo. Hahatid na lang kita pauwi pagtapos. Malapit ka lang naman ata."

"Ano, tulungan na lang kitang isara yung simbahan para sabay na tayo, Ben" And it was magic! This is the first time he called him by his name.

"Sige, Tantan"

When Benedict called his nickname. The white lights from up above bursts in Tantans's vision. Everything was white! The floor, the ceiling, the walls. This paradigm shift paid off for him. There he stood for a moment, blinded by his own vision.

"Uy game na" Benedict calls him out, as he was left frozen in time. He wakes up and follows him.