Just 12 Years Of Life

How to scold a child

Why I called this chapter what I called it is because if I were never born, I would be floating somewhere in God's workshop oblivious to the troubles of this world. But then, all the stories you are about to read wouldn't happen and that's a waste of good, comical events. So here I am, typing my life out. I don't know what my life purpose is, but what I do know is what it's either life wants me to tell stories or I have a ton of humor. I know for a fact that this humor is a bit twisted but who doesn't laugh when kids fall and start brawling their eyes out? Right, normal people. Well guess what? I'm not normal. I might have a few undiagnosed mental issues buried in me, but until they come out to the world, I'm mentally secure and have no problems what so ever.

Now let's start with my very first memory of life. No, not anything my parents told me, but what I remember myself. I think I was 2 or 3. But my family and I were going to a seafood restaurant with my grandparents from my dad's side and I got seated in a baby chair. It's that or they stacked 3 chairs up for me. I remember that I was stretching the red plastic table cloth. It's the one that they put on the table in a pile so all they have to do after someone finishes and pays is take the lazy susan away and take off the first layer and then the next one is ready for usage.

Anyways, I was stretching it. Seeing how wide I can get it before it tears. I still do that actually, it's just really fun. Indoor restaurants don't have them usually, so you'll have to find a hotpot place. They may or may not have it. After one section I was working on tore, I looked up and leaned to mom with my mouth wide open. I was about to take the spoonful of food when I saw my grandma about to take the last piece of abalone. "Wait gran! Come, I eat. It's lala." I say warning her. Lala is how I used to say spicy. But it wasn't spicy. I just wanted the abalone. And everybody started to laugh like hell. They know it's not spicy, and they all know I loved abalone. I get the abalone on my plate and my Dad looks at me like 'This kid knows how to get what she wants without begging for it'. And I did.

That was not a lie. It was a bluff. Yes, I did try to cheat my way in, but it wouldn't hurt anybody anyways so it's a bluff. Then, Karma came out to get me. 5 years later, when my cousin, Gale, was one, I was about to take the last chicken and she said, "Hattie, wait! That one very small! Dry, I eat." And she grabbed the drumstick and gave me her tiny, half eaten breast meat. I stared at her. Damn I was proud. Imagine, your very first cousin taking after you. Even though it's not a good trait to get, still a trait.

Nowadays, she prefers Umbridge. And she's becoming ruder and less civilized by every second she spends with her. Now I have to play the bad guy and I have to scold her all the time. Because Umbridge teaches her to sit wide-legged in a dress, to talk rudely, to hit her brother. I have to scold her for all of those things. Why do I have to do it? Because everyone else is too scared to do it. See, nobody like making a child cry right? And Gale is very vulnerable, so she will always return to those habits.

I make her understand. I will make her stand I in front of me while scold her. I don't raise my voice, swear, or threaten her. I just sit, and death stare into her eyes while speaking in a calm tone. Calm but angry. Then I ask her questions, like 'Why did you do it if you knew you're wrong?' And I'll stare at her until she responds. If she stays silent for too long I'll say, "well?" Or "Go on" and I'll shift into a new position. Like I'm bored and she knows she can't leave until she gives an answer. Usually she'll cry and I'll let her until I get a good answer.

And if somebody tries to comfort her or make me stop scolding her? I'll just tell them, "No, I'm just trying to understand what made her think this was a good thing to do. Or if she didn't know what she did wrong." And they'll back up. They know that I'm going to teach her a lesson whatever they say. And if she gets away, I'll just scold her again later. I'll let her cry and cry. And when you get scolded, and you meet eye contact, you can't tear away. It's an indication of weakness or guilt. So we keep eye contact.

But when I get what I want, when she understands what she did wrong and promises to try not to do it again, I smile and hug her. Because after a scolding like that her brain is going to register it as trauma. Not serious trauma, but still trauma. And walking away will just solidify that trauma. That's why parents should never tell a child to stop crying, or that they have no reason to cry. When a child cries, that's them expressing that their mind is labeling that moment as trauma.

So after I scold Gale, I hug her. She knows what she did wrong, she promised no to do it again, so is there a reason for further scolding? A reason for me to continue to be angry at her and leave her broken and upset? No. Not that I can see. I want her to know that I don't hate her. Because children think of that after getting a scolding. They think you hate them. But you don't, so let them know. Words won't help much but actions speak more. So I hug her until she's calmed down and ready to go play again.

Whether she recognizes my scolding as trauma is not definite, but she knows that I love her and why her action was wrong. That's enough. But when Dad scolds her, he leaves her at the verge of tears because tears make him even angrier. She will recognize that as trauma, no doubt. Then she runs to Umbridge and cries. That hurts me sometimes, because I know that Umbridge will just leave her when she has nobody to turn to. Why. Because she's no longer cute, or playful. Basically, Gale does not serve benefit to Umbridge in any shape or form.

I can't stop her because I'm not one to judge who she surrounds herself with. I'm not her, so I have no right to say, "I don't want you to be around Umbridge anymore". Nobody has that right but her own conscience.

Now that I've turned into a 12 year old child phycologist, please keep it in your mind when you handle kids. Any kid. From 0 to 17 years old. Or maybe more. Just know how it may affect their mental image of you. Currently, Gale is 6 years old and an angel with tiny horns. Meaning she can be adorably cheeky at times.