Grian was scared. Not for the long season ahead, no. He had played the life games enough to know fearing losing or anticipating winning just made the game harder and more painful when the verdict finally passed. 'Higher you are harder you fall', as they say.
No, Grian was scared because double life had the most bizarre twist yet. 3rd life had been all about the three lives, it was a constant reminder and something to get used to. Last life had the weekly boogeyman, whose task was to kill one green or yellow name. It had been a guessing game. Grian was always waiting for someone to come up behind him and slice his head from his neck, or for an arrow to throw him off a platform, as it had been in the moment.
Double life, however, not only put the care of lives into a players own hands, but a soulmates as well. It was only code, it was nothing meant to be romantic or start a love story. But it would be an interesting experience, taking damage that wasn't yours, sharing life and death like a simple cookie.
The dirty blonde had a list of people he wouldn't mind. People he seemed to never work closely, even with two chances at the game. Then he had people he didn't want. Friends who were too prone to death to be any sort of asset. It was cruel, hoping to any God listening he wouldn't get someone clumsy, but it was a truth.
The two main players he was fearing being paired with were Timmy and Scar. They were both sweet, innocent players. They were creative, funny people he had come to be close with, but it didn't change the fact they were like a magnet to metal when it came to death and injury. Jimmy had managed to die first both series, and Scar was always the first or one of the first red names when it came to the death game.
But unlike Jimmy, Scar had other issues that Grian wasn't eager to address. Like 3rd life. He had tried to put it all behind him, collaborating with him outside of the life games, on Hermitcraft, where they could pretend nothing ever happened.
The memories were still fresh, however. Even after a year. Grian couldn't shake the deep pit of guilt that grew deep inside him every time he glanced at the man. He had taken killing Scar poorly, very poorly. The look of defeat and forgiveness as he hovered over a fading body, it haunted Grian every waking minute. He regretted it, but he couldn't change the rules of his own game, there could only be one. And it had been him, taking his own life shortly after. The freeing feeling of air on his face as he toppled towards the ground.
- - - -
Grian desperately wanted to change the rules of his own game. The phantom pain of an axe still ran through him, the feeling of loss charging through him. His throat was sore from shouting, the echo eerie and pained through the canyon.
Scar was his soulmate. The one person he didn't want as his soulmate, bound to him for the rest of the game. It was like the universe had pointed a finger at him and laughed, mocking and unkind as they forced him to relive an experience he had already lived, yet this time, it was worse, so much worse.
There would be no split this time however. They won together or they died together. It was solace and closure, but it didn't heal the wound inflicted upon him. Scar was so carefree and kind. His care and childishness were a pull to anyone. Grian felt it more than he ever had. His endearment for the man had multiplied.
Grian was helpless to stop it. But he also didn't want it. So he waited until Scar eventually figured it out, which, knowing Scar, would take a while, so he had some time before everything came crashing down and his world burnt until Scar and him were the only remaining things. Or he could go down with the orange flames, glow as he finally rid himself of his curse.
He could never do that to Scar. He hardly watched the man die then, he couldn't do it again. Yet he also couldn't bear to think of carrying the weight of his death on his shoulders, knowing it was Grian who killed him, again. Maybe Scar would be the cause of all their deaths, maybe the brunette could get to know the pain of guilt and regret.
He didn't think he could handle that either. Watching the descent into mental overstimulation as Scar blamed himself. Grian really couldn't win in these situations. It was pointless to try. Fate would play them how it wanted, it would shape a future Grian refused to think about as of yet.
- - - -
Scott's face said it all. He had paused for a split second, then turned straight towards the Avian and peirced through him. Met him with nothing but smugness. The cyanette knew, he could tell he read Grian like a book. He was suprised Scott didn't say anything. Maybe it was because the usually chaotic and sarcastic man relented and offered him mercy, or maybe it was because he was too cruel to break the news Grian was too scared to.
Scar was still oblivious, still chasing around his allay like it was the most important thing in the world. The soul bond hated that, tried to pull them closer but the dirty blonde refused. He wouldn't be tricked into starting something that wasn't necessary. A deeper bond than friendship that would only serve to get in the way, hinder; dig a bigger hole for Grian to fall into that he wouldn't want to crawl out of.
It was dangerous thinking. Even more so because it appealed. He just wanted to know Scar cared, that Scar knew he cared, even as he dreaded the weeks ahead. He was done with worrying and trying to push away what was so clearly marked out on his map of life.
He just wanted scar.
- - - -
Being the last greens was scary. Being with Scar, watching himself prick himself on a cactus, feeling the phantom of pain, he hated it. Hated the dull gleam in his team-mates eye as he smiled, the mischeif and happiness drained and gone.
It made Grian guilty, it was his fault. He had tried, once again, to push Scar away, to bury his feelings by trying to persue another.
It never worked. It never would. He was too far gone to look back. He just hoped he had the time to rekindle the spark in Scar, to get him back.
- - - -
It was over. The weeks of fun ,laughs, fighting, dying, coming back. It was over. The warden had been the end of him. It was ironic. He remembered warning Scar in the earlier weeks, not to go down there because it was too dangerous, because he wouldn't survive.
Because he didn't want him to get hurt or scared.
And yet it's Grian who died down there. He wished he could apologise to Scar. Wish he could cry in the mans shoulder and tell him everything. Wished he had been there, been proud every moment instead of just those rare occasions Scar pulled off the incredible.
Now he never would. He had to watch, alone, as the game played on for a few more hours.
- - - -
The sun.
The Star
The Moon.
Three games. Three victors. Three lives.
Eternities of pain
~ ~ ~ ~
Slowly getting back into it x
