Unanticipated. //STEDDIE (DISCONTINUED)

12

(TW: slurs)

I laid in bed, with little to no sleep. How could I sleep? My dad wants to see me. He seemed normal. He talked normal. But he ISN'T normal. I couldn't think of anything else, except my dad.
What did he want from me? Did he want me to come back? Did he want to apologize? 

I was curled into a ball on Eddie's bed. I was tired, and a bit dehydrated. It was like years of pent up emotions from my dad's hatred towards me was being released this past night.
It was early. Around 6 in the morning, and I heard Eddie knock on my door.
"Hey, Stevie? Can I come in?"
I mumbled a 'yes', and Eddie slowly opened the door. He sat on the foot of the bed.
"You okay? Have you slept?" He asked.
I sat up and shook my head. I felt too tired to speak.
Eddie scooted closer to me, holding me close to him.
"Do you want to sleep with me? Or would you rather get the day started?"
I shrugged. Eddie rubbed my back.
"Can we just...cuddle here?" I asked. Eddie nodded, and laid down with me.
"I love you so much." Eddie whispered to me, as he held me close to his chest. I mumbled a response.
"Are we going to see him today?" Eddie asked.
I shrugged.
"Remember, I'll be with you the whole time. I won't leave you alone with him, I promise." He said, caressing my face. I wanted to cry more but it felt like there was  no tears left.
We cuddled for hours. He hummed songs by The Smith for me. Eddie was truly the best. He made me feel better every second I was around him.

It was around 9 am. Wayne was sleeping, so I don't think he'd come with us to see my dad, but Eddie would be there, and he's all I need. Eddie was making us some eggs for breakfast.
"So, what's your decision?" Eddie asked, kissing my cheek.
"I think...I want to see what he has to say. I can't keep being afraid of him."
Eddie caressed my cheek with hand.
"It'll be fine. I'll make sure he doesn't hurt you, I promise."
We kissed gently. I think seeing my dad will be okay if I'm with Eddie.

°°°

I was nearly panicking. We were in the van on the way to the public park. Eddie was driving, with his right hand on my thigh.
I was trying not to hyperventilate. I was focusing on my breathing, holding onto Eddie's arm.

We pulled into the park and I could feel my heartbeat in my ears. I was extremely nervous. Eddie grabbed my hand and squeezed it, and we both got out of the van.

I looked ahead and saw my dad, sitting at a picnic table across the park. I felt my breathing slow down. I was scared of him. I didn't want to admit that, but it was true. Looking at him made me feel queasy.

Eddie rubbed my back as we got closer to him. Dad noticed me. He looked sick, but he always looked sick.
We slowly approached the table, and sat down. Eddie sat close to me, holding my hand under the table.
Dad's face definitely showed that he got beat up. His lip was still busted, but he looked cleaned up. Like he tried to impress me by looking approachable.
Dad looked at Eddie first, before he looked at me.
"Hey, uh.. why is your friend here?" He asked, confused.
I ignored his question.
"What did you want to talk about?" I ask. He's still looking at Eddie.
"Steve, this is a family matter." He says.
"I know." I say sternly, squeezing Eddie's hand under the table.
"What did you want to talk about?" I ask again.

Dad seems jittery. His leg is bouncing and he's picking at his nails, not really looking at me. He mostly looks at Eddie.

"Um..I wanted to..a-apologize." he stutters out. I feel my chest get heavy.
"What are you apologizing for?" I ask. I know damn well what he should be sorry for. I just want him to say out loud what he did to me.
"You know what I'm sorry for.." He tries to blow off explaining.
"Say it. Tell me why you're sorry." I demand. He sighs.
"I am sorry..for the way, I have treated you. In the past. I want to put it behind us, and I want you to come home." He says.
I deeply inhaled to keep myself calm.
"Why do you want me to come home? You've never enjoyed my company before."
"I do enjoy your company Steve."
"You enjoyed having someone to hurt." I whisper to myself.
Dad is starting to look annoyed.
"Steve I may have made some mistakes-"
"Mistakes??? You can FIX mistakes, dad. Mistakes are one time incidents, you started hitting me when I was in elementary school!"
"Steve, i just want you to forgive me. I'm trying to be better." He said.
"Me forgiving you is my choice. You can't make me forgive you."
Dad looked down on his hands. He was quiet.
"I appreciate you trying to reach out, but I don't forgive you. I'm not coming back home. I live with Eddie now, and I'm happy with him."

Dad pinched between his eyes.
"I just..don't want there to be bad blood between us." He said quietly, I could tell his blood was boiling. He was mad I wasn't going along with it.
"You want me to forget what you did, so YOU don't have to feel bad."

I couldn't take looking at his face any longer.
I stood up.
"It's not happening dad. I don't want you in my life. Unless I contact you in the future, do us both a favor and leave me and Eddie alone."
Eddie stood up with me and grabbed my hand. As we turned around my I heard my dad chuckle.
"Ohhh, I see. You're a faggot now, is that it?"
I felt my heart sink in fear.
I heard him stand up and walk to me.

"You don't wanna come back home cus you're too scared to tell me you're a queer huh??" I felt him grab my shoulder, and he turned me around. Eddie grabbed my hand.
I was scared. I felt terrified but I couldn't show that to him.
"What if I was Dad?? What if I was a queer? You said you 'loved me' last night, but you can't get over the fact that your son might like a boy?" I stared in his eyes.
Dad looked at Eddie. Eddie was squeezing my hand, waiting to see if my dad was going to try anything.
"Dad, I think you should be more worried that you don't have a son anymore and not who I'm in love with." I stood my ground.
"Being in love with a man is one thing, being in love with a psychopath is another." He said, looking Eddie up and down.
"Says the man that beats his kids." I said louder.
Dad pushed me, and a jolt of fear runs through my body.
The very moment he put his hands on me Eddie grabbed him by the collar.
"Put your fucking hand on him again. I fucking dare you." Eddie spat in his face.

"What, you're going to kill me like you did to that girl?" Dad whispered back harshly.

"I didn't lay a hand on her, but God is afraid about what I'll do to you."

Dad stared in Eddie's eyes a bit. Eddie didn't even blink.
"Turn the fuck around, and leave. You're not contacting Steve again."
Eddie pushes my dad hard enough he tumbles, but not hard enough he falls to the ground. He grabs my hand and we walk away.

Eddie and I closed the van doors and he immediately cupped my face in his hands
"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I should have punched him in his face the moment he called you that."
I grabbed Eddie's hands.
"Eddie, I'm okay. It's fine. I expected this anyway." I kissed his cheek.
"Let's just go home." I said. He nodded and started driving.

The truth is, I wasn't okay.

I want a father. I want a dad that cares about me. There was a small part of me that wanted to go back to him. That wanted to believe he was changing, and take him back as my father.
I know better.
I know better to believe that he really did change.
Eddie is my family now. I don't have a dad anymore.
Even though I've accepted how awful my dad is, that doesn't stop me from wanting a dad so badly.
I held eddies hand and leaned against his arm the whole way home.
I regretted seeing my dad.
He doesn't deserve closure.

1493 words
It's a short one today, I had a hard time with the motivation to write today.
I got through it tho so have this chapter :)
Feel free to say what you want to happen next bc I'm slowly running dry of ideas LMAO