That One Night

TON I

AUTUMN's

Young and successful. I can buy anything I want without thinking of how much it will cost. I can go and travel anywhere I want but I feel incomplete, lost, empty. Aanhin ko lahat ng meron ako ngayon kung ganito naman ako.

"Oh buti naman at naisipan mo pa na umuwi?" Is what welcomed me when I've entered our house. It's her with her reading glasses on, her grey hair, her intimidating aura—my mother, stepmother.

I mentally rolled my eyes on her remark.

"I'll just get my things and yeah, you won't see me ever." I plainly said and proceeded upstairs to get the things I left in this miserable house—house cause it's never been a home to me.

I am a daughter of a business tycoon who spend six days of the week at work and will go home here for the remaining one day of the week, bringing all his unfinished work—yeah, he just changed his setting but still work should and always comes first. Growing up, I could say that I am priveledged but true that money can't buy happiness.

"Ate? Ate! You're here!" Dylan jumped in glee when he saw me passing his room. Dylan, my six years old step brother.

A smiled automatically carved in my face. "Hi, Dylan!" I said as I stand in front of his opened door, arms wide open waiting for his warm hug. And he ran to me, clinging like a baby koala.

"Ate, dito ka na ulit?" He asked in the most charming way he could.

I did not give him any answer instead I gave him a very tight hug.

I saw how the smile on his face faded and my heart breaks everytime I see him lost that bright smile.

Dapat kasi sinunod ko na lang yung isip ko dati, sana hindi ko na lang minahal ng sobra ang kapatid ko, sana hindi ako naging malapit sa kaniya. Eh di sana ngayon, hindi ganito. Hindi siya nasasaktan at alam ko na mas masasaktan pa siya kapag nalaman niya na permanente na ang pag-alis ko sa bahay na ito.

I lift up his chin.

"Sige na, go and finish first your assignments baka umakyat na ang mommy mo..." I said and he obeyed.

I made my way inside my room. As I walk on the hallway, I can't help but to let a bitter smile out. Sa iba, ngiti at saya ang dulot sa tuwing nakakatanaw ng isang litrato ng buong pamilya ngunit iba sa akin, iba.

Inggit at sakit ang namumutawi sa tuwing makakakita ako ng larawan ng isang buong pamilya, pakiramdam ko kasi ay ipinagkait iyon sa akin, na wala ng chance para maranasan ko ulit ang magkaroon ng isang buo at masayang pamilya.

I shrugged my thoughts off and proceeded inside my room. Black-grey-offwhite is what would welcome you when you go inside my space. Actually a lot of stuffs are still here but only the sentimental ones are the things that I'll be bringing with me.

I went straight my walk-in closet at kinuha ang box na nasa pinkababang bahagi.

As I held the box, tears then again started to rushed down. This box has been and will always be the reason why I chose to continue in life. This box contains all of mama's letters to me.

I remember Dad was the one who gave this to me during my seventh birthday. Dati nga takang taka ako kasi bakit wala akong nanay? bakit yung mga kaibigan ko meron? Ako wala?

And this box has been the answer to all of my questions. This box consists letters  from mama since the day she knew about me until the very last minute of her labor.

I did made it! To see this cruel world but at the same time my mama did see the paradise.

I bitterly smile and quickly wipe my tears.

Aside from this box, I also grabbed some clothes that I think I could still use, the art materials, and the photobook that I've been keeping from ages ago. And that's all and I think I'm good to go.

Pinilit ko na huwag ng puntahan si Dylan, mahihirapan lang kami pareho. I maybe holding grudges towards her mom pero ibang usapan kapag si Dylan na, I love him as my own brother, we share the same bloodline and yeah iisa lang din naman ang tatay namin.

"Elize! Anak, andito ka pala? Halika kumain ka na muna, ipaghahain kita, nako may niluto ako dito--" Hindi na naituloy ni Manang Fely ang sinasabi niya ng makita niya ang mga dala ko.

Isang malungkot na tingin ang ibinigay ni Manag Fely sa akin.

Manang Fely stood as my mother since day one. She knows me very well, alam niya kapag malungkot ako, alam niya kung ano ang makakapagpasaya sa akin, alam niya ang mga ayaw ko, alam niya rin ang hilig at gusto ko.

"Ikaw ba na bata ka ay sigurado na sa desisyon mo ha?" Tanong sa akin ni Manang habang hawak niya ang aking kamay.

Tumango naman ako sa kaniya at tipid na ngumiti.

"Alam na ba ito ng Daddy mo?" Mabilis ang naging pag-iling ko.

"Ako na po ang bahalang mag message sa kaniya." Aniya ko sa kaniya. "Manang, mauna na po ako ha." Pagpapaalam ko at yumakap kay Manang Fely. I will surely miss her. "Manang kayo na po ang bahala dito, si Dylan po ha..." Mahina lamang ang pagkakasabi ko sa mga huling pangungusap ko.

"Kahit hindi mo banggitin..." Hinawakan naman ako ni Manang sa aking pisngi. "Aalagaan ko rin ang kapatid mo... at yung kwarto mo, ako na bahala don—walang ibang makakapasok don at palagian ko rin na lilinisan."

I smiled at her and hugged her for the last time before I finally leave this house.

Bago ako tuluyang sumakay sa kotse ko ay lumingon ako sa bahay—sa huling pagkakataon.

Nahagip ng mata ko si Tita Sylvia. Nakatanaw siya sa akin mula sa glass sliding door sa kuwarto nila ni Daddy, agad din naman siyang tumalikod ng magtama ang tingin namin.

Honestly, I don't hate her but at the same time I can't like her.

And on this day, I spread my wings and learned to uncaged myself from a miserable, dark, lonely cage. I got the freedom I've been wanting. This is a fresh start.