Unexpected Baby

WR

PUMAYAG AKO na isama ni Jaycee sa penthouse niya. Roon daw, mas mababantayan ako nang mabuti at marami akong kasama unlike roon sa unit ko na ako lang ang mag-isa. Baka raw kasi may iba pang kasabwat si Diane and actually, may point siya. Kaya finally, pumayag na akong sumama sa kanya.

Jaycee held my hand as we were driving towards his penthouse. 'Yong mga gamit ko, napadala na ng kanyang mga tauhan doon. Hanggang ngayon, parating pumapasok sa isip ko ang ginawa ni Diane and last night, I had a nightmare. Jaycee was the one who comforted me until I fall asleep.

"Nahuli na si Diane and wala na siyang takas because Jackson was the one who gave the footage to the police," pagkukwento ni Jaycee kaya napalingon ako sa kanya. He told the one whom he was talking to to check the CCTV footage in front of my unit gayong wala namang CCTV doon.

"How? Nagpalagay ka ba?" saad ko sa mahinang boses. To my surprise, he nodded.

"For safety purposes. Maliit lang iyon at hindi gano'n kahalata. Didn't expect it would really come in handy. Sinira ni Diane ang CCTV sa floor and Jackson told me she was shocked upon seeing the footage," mahabang ani niya at napapalatak. "I didn't know the bitch could do that. These past few days, she was always asking me about you at kung saan ka nakatira. Hindi na ako nag-isip pa ng kung ano because she looks harmless," pagpapatuloy niya. 'Di ko maiwasang mapabuntonghininga. Kaya pala. Kaya pala alam ni Diane kung saan ako nakatira. Kaya pala Jaycee automatically assumed it was Diane.

Jaycee caressed the top of my hand using his thumb. His eyes are still on the road. "I'm sorry if I distanced myself from you. It's just that. . . I couldn't understand my emotions and seeing you makes me confused even more." Kumunot ang aking noo sa aking narinig. Pati ako, hindi siya maiintindihan. Para siyang kantot na tinubuan ng maraming bolbol. May gano'n ba?

Hindi ako nagsalita. Hinintay ko na lang na may susunod pa siyang sabihin kasi nase-sense ko na meron pa, eh. Gano'n talaga kapag match made in hell. Charot. Grabe sa hell. Purgatory na lang kasi medyo mabait naman kami ni Jaycee. 

"And I admit, every time I feel confused with my feelings, I. . . I always go to Diane to ask for an advice. Pero puro naman walang kwenta pinagsasabi niya. Our talks would always go to her achievements and her non-existent engagement," Jaycee shrugged. Napatingin ako sa kanya and the thought of him going to Diane to express his problems instead of talking about it with me makes me feel somehow. . . bitter.

Bakit kay Diane pa, eh, problema namin 'to?

I get it na hindi pa siya ready na kausapin ako that's why binigyan ko siya ng time na i-process ang emotions niya and I understand na sometimes, kailangan nating manghingi ng advice sa iba lalo na kapag hindi natin alam kung paano i-handle, pero 'di ba, when it comes to our feelings, mas mainam na kami sana ang mag-uusap tungkol d'yan?

Kasi kung parating silent treatment at hindi nakikipag-communicate, o kapag parating nanghihingi ng advice sa iba, ang resulta kasi no'n, 'sorry' na lang ang matatanggap natin at magkaayos ulit nang hindi man lang pinag-uusapan ang nangyari.

"You should learn to communicate your feelings, Jaycee, instead of giving me that silent treatment." Natawa ako nang mapakla at tiningnan siya. "God knows how broken I was kapag hindi mo ako pinapansin, lalo na no'ng nakita ko kayo ni Diane sa isang samgyupsal restaurant at masayang nag-uusap no'ng araw ng check-up ko."

He quickly looked at me before looking back at the road again. Kita ko ang pag-awang ng kanyang mga labi at ang pagdaan ng guilt sa kanyang mga mata. 

Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin at nagpasyang ituon ang atensyon sa labas ng bintana. Ano kaya ang sasabihin niya?

"I'm sorry. . . I failed. My emotions were all fucked up and," he sighed and shook his head, "I know na walang valid reason sa excuses ko and I was acting irresponsible and immature that time pero I assure you na hindi na iyon mauulit," he said with conviction. Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng kapit niya sa aking kamay na para bang natatakot siyang. . . mawala ako.