**this book is a sequel to my first book, bad company. so don't read this without reading bad company first please**
with scott gone forever, billie and savannah have to figure out their next steps to take.
will they get away with murder? will sava...
i know that last chapter was a lot, to say the very least. but i'm sure a lot of you are wondering what happened after the fact. and what happened to me, to everyone.
i ended up actually doing something you may find shocking. i told the truth. well not the whole truth. i didn't tell anyone about savannah killing scott. i didn't want people who don't even know her viewing her as a murderer. cause she isn't. at all.
i told the cops about that night and about how she jumped in front of me. i bent the truth slightly because of the fact that i had to convince the jury that me killing brandon was in self defense.
which i personally think it was, but i had to make the situation sound a lot worse than it actually was, ironically enough.
i ended up convincing everyone that there was no other choice i had. that if i wouldn't have shot him, i was going to die. and i got completely let go. i have no criminal record, or even juvenile delinquency. so everything was dropped.
but my name was all over the news. i had lost my label, and so many instagram followers. which i honestly couldn't possibly give less of a fuck about. i still don't.
my label said they could have their names be associated with someone so problematic, which i completely understand. i stopped releasing music, kept on writing though. it was my only way i knew how to not go crazy.
lost all the rights to my old music too. and now i'm pretty irrelevant. i only have 900k instagram followers now when before all of this i had 4.1 million.
i still get recognized in public, but not for the reasons i would like to be. the public ended up finding out about mine and savannah's relationship due to the trial.
everything has to be so fucking public nowadays.
which is why i never wanted to show savannah off to the world. of course i wanted people to know she's mine and i'm hers, but there were too many negative factors.
us being queer, us being young, us being... really anything. i never wanted to deal with the backlash of what people thought of us.
cause frankly i didn't give a fuck about peoples opinions of us. i still don't. and showing her off to the world translates to them as an open invitation to open their mouths.
which is why i was always so protective over her.
i still am.
all our life, all of our relationship, all our moments together, there was always something in the way of us. a roadblock, an obstacle, whatever you want to call it.
and all i was trying to was make it go away for us.
over the past years i've been laying awake most nights and i keep asking myself the same exact question over and over again..
"if i could take it all back? would i?"
and to that i say.. if you mean if i could take back making savannah mine, but that meant she would still be alive, would i?
one thousand percent.
maybe all of the roadblocks were signs the universe was giving to us. telling us to stop trying. does that mean i think we're not made for each other? no. i just think that i forced.. everything. our love was real, but time just felt.. so fake.
our love still is real.
all of my work into shooing everything out of our way and breaking down walls cause me to literally love her..
to death.
and that's something i will never forgive myself for. if i just would have took my time and not gotten in the way of fate, maybe we would have found our love for each other in a more natural way. that's what i like to think anyway.
we needed time. and i never let time itself happen.
i was the entity in our way of our happily ever after. it was me all along.
i put her, me, us through all of this un needed, unnecessary shit that has now caused me and many others permanent damage for as long as we're still breathing. and i put you through it too.
and i am sorry to have sprung this all on you, but to be fair, you clicked.
that's what's great about you, reader, you clicked.
that means you can read our story. over, and over, and over again. go back and say hi to her for me if you could. tell her i love her.
because i miss her more every day.
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liked by finneas and 174,912 others billieeilish my everything. i love you more and more than you could have known. rest easy my perfect angel. you're in my heart and you're in my head. until the end of the world. 🤎🤎
