Bruises (BWWM)

7

7

Tamra

"This isn't a good idea," Maya repeated for the tenth time today, "This is so wrong Tam. Why'd I even follow you? We used to live around here, and in case you forgot, this really isn't a safe neighbourhood. Gosh, this is so illegal. I never thought you were the type of girl who'd lose her mind over a guy. Is this what you've been up to last Friday? My sister is a psycho."

I rolled my eyes as I successfully unlocked the door with a boppy bin.

I looked back at Maya with a triumphant smile. She had all the rights to be shocked and surprised, but she was the one who slipped in the same bus as myself and followed me here, because she was suspicious of my actions lately. I didn't exactly ask her to join me; she couldn't judge me like that. She didn't even know the reason behind my behavior.

But something in me told me that even if she knew why I was following Ben all the way up to his place, it wouldn't even change her view of me.

I know if I was her it wouldn't either.

I, myself, couldn't even get to understand why I was so invested into this guy and his life, and the mystery that he clouded himself with.

It was something bordering obsession.

I needed to know. Maya didn't get me well enough for she thought my actions were out of character for someone like me. I was someone who never stopped for anything and poor Ben was someone who'd love it if he could've just dismissed me with a glance.

So, the situation wasn't wrong. We were wrong. Wrong for each other, wrong around one another. And I figured this was why I still needed to keep trying to know.

That, and I also had this gut-feeling that by decoding Ben, I could find the way to decode my mom.

I pushed the door open and was surprised to see how neat and clean the apartment actually was despite how crappy and dirty the building looked like. I didn't think Ben was the most organized person, but then again, he'd always find a way to shatter my expectations.

Just like Alex. It troubled me to realize how alike the two of them were after a double take.

Both were competitive, kept their place clean and liked to mess around with my feelings. Close enough to me.

"What are we even searching for?" Maya asked, pulling her wild hair into a bun, as if business was about to go down.

"We? You never were a part of my plan, in case you didn't know. You can wait outside if you want to," I suggested turning my back away from her. I didn't care much about her presence right now.

"No thank you, I think I'll stay," my sister declined opening and closing multiple drawers.

I walked over to the living room that seemed pretty standard. There wasn't a lot of furniture -in fact, the whole apartment lacked in that department- but there was a small chair, and a radio that stood on a small coffee table along with a few old newspapers thrown out on the ground.

There was also a small family picture on the table that portrayed his mother, his father, himself and a little girl that seemed about his age. I didn't know Ben had a sister. Why didn't she frequent Vanio High too?

I picked up one of the newspapers on the floor and read the issue written in huge bold letters. YOUNG GIRL FOUND DEAD INSIDE OF LAKE. The picture of the young girl had almost completely faded from the paper, but I immediately assumed it was the little girl from the family picture.

Why would he keep this with him? Was his sister murdered? Was he intent on finding who killed her?

"His fridge is completely empty except for a bottle of ketchup and an apple. I wish he had something else for me to eat!" Maya exclaimed, clutching her wailing stomach, approaching the living room.

I ignored her and walked further into the very small apartment.

I pushed open a door and discovered a meticulously cleaned bathroom that would put mine to shame. A single toothbrush was lying onto the counter of the sink, but as I leaned in to examine the room even more, I noticed a few red splashes on the floor.

I didn't want to wonder why they were there.

I closed the light and left the bathroom.

I tried to open another, but it wouldn't budge. Probably his bedroom. I pulled out my bobby pin once again and kneeled down next to the doorknob. It was then that I heard Maya yelp and Ben's voice weighing down the next words :

"Who the hell are you and what are you doing scavenging my kitchen?"

Oops.

I walked back over to the entrance where Ben was staring at my little sister as if she was an alien.

"I can explain..." I begun, as he automatically shifted his attention to me, who he hadn't seen yet.

"Did you try to go into my room?" he burst, turning his freshly bruised face to greet mine. He slowly advanced, one step at the time, the tension unbearable, approaching his face closer to mine. He unexpectedly softly pressed his forehead against mine and gently closed his eyes. "Get the hell out away from my place Tamra Remway," he lowly murmured.

It was like the calm before the storm. He then opened his furious galaxy eyes and I momentarily saw it. His glare had ventured a little bit further into mine and he had actually looked at me. That's it. He was trying to let me in, but couldn't bring himself to do it. I touched the blue-ish mark that circled the skin around his right eye with two fingers and muttered :

"You just need to tell me why you're hurt, and..."

"Get the hell out of my place!" he shouted very loudly, taking a step back.

"I think we should leave," had uttered Maya, grabbing my arm and pulling me outside. As she dragged me out of his apartment, I couldn't stop staring at his expression filled with disdain but laced with the burden of pain.

I knew deep down he wanted me. He needed me. He really craved my help, but he was so accustomed to his pain that he felt that if he'd extend his arm to accept my hand and help, he'd be taking the wrong decision.

Maya dragged me down the infinite amount of stairs in a fleeting second, not giving me enough time to process the emotions stirred up inside of me. She and I were now outside waiting for the bus that'd take us back home as she slipped to me :

"If this is the boy you're trying so hard to impress and to stalk, he's not worth it. He's unstable. He isn't the bad boy you can try to fix Tamra and you know that. You're doing more harm to the both of you by being involved."

I didn't respond. I didn't look at her. I felt just like my mother whenever I was visiting her and as of right now Maya was acting out my role.

"You should stop sacrifying your energy on this guy," she carried on, "He's not the kind of person capable of giving love the way you'd want for him to. You sould settle for someone who truly cares for you."

Like Alex. That's what Maya was probably too shy to add.

Everyone in the whole wide world apparently thought Alex Anderson liked me and also expected me to like him back. It was how it was supposed to work right? Boy likes girl, so obviously said girl likes boy?

What exactly made Alex so different from Ben? What made him appear like the better choice? Alex also wasn't capable of giving love the way I'd want to receive it. He had a thing for every pretty-tumblr-popular girl at school, so why did the thing he had for regular me seem more serious to everyone else? Even Ben and my own sister were convinced of this.

I had to prove them all wrong.

I came out of the silence and let those words leave my mouth :

"Maybe wanting to heal somebody doesn't necessarily mean you'd want them to give you love the way you'd want the receive it. Maybe it's not about love at all. Maybe it's about caring for someone's well-being. I should stop with the maybes, I'm starting to sound just like him."

I turned my back to her and contemplated the landscape for any trace of the bus.