You Just Don't Get It

How Long?

trigger warnings~ hospitals/testing, mentions of vomit

dee's pov~

Here I am, in the nurse's office. After humiliating myself in front of the entirety of year 10. The nurse is on the phone with dad, telling him that I need to go home and rest. I should be used to throwing up every day, but emetophobia is real. And at this point, the pain is so bad. I feel like crying, but if I were to cry all I'd get is pity.

I'm in here a lot because I faint. For small amounts of time. I just tell them to not send me home, I lay down a bit, then go back to class. It's when I stand up too fast mostly. Need to take my time. I went to a doctor last year for it, but he didn't even run any tests. Said it was anxiety and told me to "play outside more".

"Hey Dee, I'm gonna ask you some questions about your stomach pain. But first, could you open your mouth for me?" I do, and she shines a light in. "How often do you vomit?" My eyes must've widened and I must look anxious from that question, because she says the following. "For your safety, I need you to be honest."

"Everyday. Multiple times a day."

"Is it a forced thing? Whether to loose weight or to relieve yourself from pain?"

"No, it just happens after I eat enough."

"How constant is your pain?"

"All the time. Just, all the time. There's never a break from it except for when I'm sleeping. And even then, sometimes I wake up screaming because it hurts so bad." I'm pouring all of my problems out on the floor for this school nurse to see. I'm crying, which is pathetic, but being able to tell someone about the pain is actually really helping.

"Does anyone know about this?"

"No. I thought if I kept to myself then I would save my parents the trouble and the money."

"Honey, they're your parents. They care about you and want you to feel good and be healthy."

"I never feel good anymore. I'm worried constantly about the pain. I just-" I choke on a sob. "I just want the pain to be over."

"Oh sweetie."

"Hello, I'm here to pick up my son." I see dad in the doorway. I pick up my bag and start walking out to the car.

"Get him to an urgent care immediately. I wrote his symptoms down. It sounds like a serious medical disorder. Go, now."

"Thank you so much. Dee, let's go."

As we walk out to the car, I'm shaking. I didn't think it was truly that serious. I get in the front, and he hands me a plastic bag. "Incase there's more." He starts the car and we're off. "How long has this been happening Dee?"

"Months. I don't know exactly. A long time."

"Why didn't you tell anyone that you were in pain and constantly throwing up! This is really dangerous."

"I thought you, or at least someone would tell me I was lying. So I kept quiet. I'm sorry."

"There's no reason to be sorry, but this is serious. You could be dying and we would have no idea. You need to tell us these things. It's important." And with that, we've pulled up to urgent care. He gets out, and I follow. We get in and he starts talking to the lady, and gives her the paper the nurse gave him.

"Most likely what would happen is we would have to transfer him to emergency incase of any scans or working with any equipment we don't have here. So your best bet would be to go there first."

"Alright. Thank you. Dee let's go." The drive to the ER is quiet. Waves of pain over take me and I feel like I'm dying.

"Can you drive faster?"

"Yes." And he does. We get there soon, and the wait doesn't seem long.

"Name?"

"Dee Shvagenbagen."

"Any allergies?"

"Tree nuts. Not an allergy but he's lactose intolerant." He hands her the paper, and her eyes widen.

"Okay, you're top priority right now. Go on in, we'll get a nurse to you right away."

My brain hasn't stopped since I vomited in front of everyone. As soon as I'm in a bed, my mind slows. And I'm finally aware of what's happening. And I start sobbing.

"Make it stop. Just, make it stop. Please. It hurts so bad."

"Shhh Dee. It's okay."

"Papa make it stop." 

The nurse walks in, a bit stunned. "Hey Dee, I heard you're having pretty bad stomach issues and lots of vomit." She turns towards dad. "So, we're mainly looking at two things. Celiac disease and Gastroparesis. Celiac disease is essentially an extreme gluten intolerance, and Gastroparesis is very very serious chronic illness that may cause other health issues and different medical equipment to be used. If it is Gastroparesis we also want to look into Pots, maybe a couple more things." Turning back to me. "Now Dee, how full do you get typically after a couple bites of food."

"Very. I can't eat a lot without feeling like I'm stuffed."

"Alright. Do you ever still feel this pain, even when you don't eat something with gluten in it? Like perhaps fruit?"

"Mhm."

"Okay, let's get you down for some testing. Mr. Shvagenbagen, we'll be back. I'm not sure when. It depends on the testing."

"Alright. Take care Dee."

"Mhm." She has me get out of bed, but I can't walk very far without crying from the pain. So, here I am in a wheelchair being wheeled down. "Can't my dad come?"

"Sorry sweetheart, only patients." We get there shortly and she hands me off to another nurse to prep me or whatever. Essentially take out all my piercings and get me changed into a gown. I hear the other nurse and doctor's conversation. "15 year old Dee, severe stomach pain for months, daily vomit, faints quite a bit. These are the tests we're getting done."

"All this for a tummy ache? It's probably just lactose intolerance, he's fine. He doesn't need to be here." I look down at my shoes. I feel so defeated. Finally, I thought I was going to get help.

The nurse taking out my piercings looks at him in shock. "This is a whole lot more than just a 'tummy ache'. If it's debilitating to the point of vomit daily, and frequent fainting, there's something wrong! You're going to perform these tests, and if he goes home today with no effort to diagnose I will put in to the hospital to have you fired!"

"I will not perform these on him. End of story. Take him off milk for a while, he'll be fine."

"In his chart it states lactose intolerance. He already is off milk." The doctor's eyes widen.

"Fine. We'll do that one first. But it's painful, so we'll probably sedate him."

"Is that truly necessary?" I ask.

The angry nurse answers. "Honey, if you can't walk because your stomach hurts so bad we don't need you to have the pain of this on top of it. Mary, do you want to do the IV?"

"Maybe Susie should do it, for practice."

"Alright." She calls in a nurse in the back of the room. "Susie, IV is needed for sedation."

She seemed to do it really fast, then looked to the nurses for approval. "Great job Susie." Then, they hooked it up, but the medicine in and waited a bit. I start getting very tired, then they transfer me to a bed. My stomach pain slowly leaves, then I'm basically asleep. Still awake but very tired. I feel better.

"Alright, let's get him down."

"Is the mom coming?"

"She's working. As soon as she's off, she's coming."

"Are we gonna keep him sedated? Just to help the pain?"

"I mean, until we get the test results back, we probably should. I'm only worried about drug withdraw."

"I'm sure he'll be fine. We can slowly get him onto morphine if needed."

"Nah, we'll just keep him sedated for however long we need, then take him off cold turkey. Works fine with most patients."

"I mean, if you say so."