You Just Don't Get It

8th of October

dee's pov~

Monday morning. The day I've been dreading.

I've gotten used to most things with the tube by now.

The days leading up have been heavenly. Out of the hospital. Back to sleeping in my bed. I was able to shower. And wash my hair! It took forever but now I feel clean.

Most of my stickers are plain white. And today I'm wearing a plain white button down with jeans and sneakers.

Simplicity for the shock of the first day back.

My stomach hurts, but in an anxious way. Not the other way.

I am not prepared.

I'm gonna get stares. And questions. And whispers that disappear when I walk in the room.

I am not prepared.

Pa stops me on my way out, kisses my forehead and gives me a hug.

I am not prepared.

Walking to the bus is nerve wracking. The sidewalk is the most intimidating thing ever.

I am not prepared.

I stop at the bus stop, Heavy standing next to me. More people gather as we wait for the bus. They're staring at me.
I can feel it.

I voice brings me out of the mental loop.

"Hey Dee! Where have you been?"

I look up, and turn around; it's Diana talking to me.

Me and Diana have a rocky past, we've been academic rivals since primary school. But I consider her a friendly acquaintance now. She helps me with pre-calculus, and I help her with government.

"The hospital." Her face falls, and she can't seem to look back in my eyes. She's staring at the tube coming out of my nose.

"I thought you were just sick when you threw up- not that bad. What happened?!"

"Fairly rare gastrointestinal disease. I was sedated for roughly a week." My throat hurts.

"So- can you eat, but it's just easier to use the- you know?"

"No. I'm not supposed to consume anything but small amounts of salt or water."

"Salt?"

"To help with fainting."

"Oh yeah, you haven't done that in a while."

She's not looking into my eyes as she talks.

"Well let's hope it stays that way. It always scares me." Clara, whom is behind Diana, says. "You'd go from being a fully functional human to on the floor drooling within a couple seconds."

"We'll I can't make any promises." I laughed and so did the girls. The bus showed up, I get on and I get in the isle seat on an empty seat. Lif likes the window.

As soon as I know it, we're at her stop.

She gets on the bus, locks eyes with me, and projects herself at me. "You're back!" is all she says.

She shuffles over to the window seat. She looks at me and frowns.

"Is there something on my face?"

"Are you feeling okay? Does your stomach hurt?"

"It hurts but not in a 'I'm gonna throw up all over myself' kind of way. More of a 'I'm scared out of my mind' kind of way."

She frowns again. Suddenly that gets thrown out the window, and I feel like I am going to throw up. Did my meds get put in last night?

"I have to call Pa." I take my phone up to my ear to talk to him.

"Hey Dee. Is everything alright, do you not feel good? Do you need me to come get you?"

"Pa, did that important pill get put in last night? Like the really important one. That keeps me functioning."

"I'm not sure. Mama did it last night bud. I can check the container." It goes silent for a few seconds as I hear him dump the pills on the counter.

"You have one extra buddy. That isn't meant to be there. Get the salt. Now. If you can't finish it, ask to go home."

I feel like crying. "Papa I'm on the bus."

"I know buddy. But you have to eat that salt."

I dig into the front pocket of my backpack and pull out the little vile of salt. "Papa I don't want to."

"You have to."

I open the vile and dump the salt into my mouth. I force myself to swallow. It tastes so bad.

The boy across the isle, Jeremy, starts freaking out.

"What was that, why did you dump it all in your mouth, why do you look super sickly. Are you okay? Do we need to call hospital-"

"Jeremy it's salt. Dee needs it." I love when Lif explains things for me.

"Why? That tastes awful!"

He's right. "Papa I need water."

"Dee try to go as long as you can. It's okay, you can do it. You are strong."

I'm gonna start crying. The pain is back. I thought it would be gone for at least a little bit but of course not. Because that's not how it works for me.

The tears start and I can't stop them.

Papa is freaking out, and hangs up because he's gonna call the school to not let me go to class and to make me go lay down. Lif nearly chucks her water bottle into my hands demanding I drink. My vision is blurry and the bus is too loud. My phone is somewhere on the floor, I don't remember when I dropped it. It all goes into dust after that.

I wake up, still on the bus. Lif is to the seat across the isle. My shirt is wet. My face is wet. My tight ponytail is looser now. Everyone is either looking at me, or trying not to look at me.

I am disgusting. This is disgusting.

I knew I wasn't prepared.