Simple Complexity

Part 5

Holtzmann didn't see Erin much for the next few days, they were both busy working and Erin had secured a couple more sessions at Columbia, only darting into the Firehouse for a couple of hours at a time. They hadn't worked on much together like they usual would and Holtz was missing her. She was missing her so much. More than usual. Erin had been on a couple of dates during the week too, both times not returning to the Firehouse afterward, and Holtz found herself looking up from her desk every time she heard a noise from the lower floor, hoping it was Erin. Holtzmann had spent every single night at work, keeping herself busy until the early hours of the morning. Finding herself just busying herself while she waited. She just waited for Erin. Waiting for her to return, but she hadn't, the blonde finally tearing herself away from her desk in the early hours, retreating to bed. Sometimes she would choose to curl up on the couch, in the hopes that she would be woken by Erin sliding under the blanket with her too.

Erin had left late on the Thursday evening, packing up things from her desk, running late for another date with Josh, and Holtzmann had waved her goodbye, the brunette telling her again to not stay too late. Holtz had just shrugged.

It had been four days without Erin by her side at night and she felt sure she would come back to her that night. Holtz had tried to tell herself that Erin didn't know she was waiting for her, that the reason she was exhausted every day was because she had stayed awake, waiting. Holtz tried to make herself understand that Erin was dating, Erin was seeing someone, she had another life now. But she couldn't, she didn't want to accept it was real, that it was really happening. Because she couldn't. She didn't want to believe it.

The blonde had waited an hour after Erin had left before heading downstairs and she walked into the kitchen, getting out cooking utensils, bowls and whisks and a muffin tray. She opened the fridge, double checking she had everything they needed for when Erin got back. If Erin came back, she kept telling herself. The blonde picked up her phone, finding the apple muffin recipe and saving it to her favourites. She collected all the ingredients they would need and placed them on the kitchen bench. The woman smiled to herself, happy with the arrangement and she walked into the small living area, settling herself down in front of the television and waited for Erin to return.

She didn't.

The blonde looked at her watch, it was three in the morning, and she had looked up at the door countless times, no sign of footsteps pausing outside, the click of the lock, nothing. She'd downed numerous cups of coffee in an attempt to stay awake, to be attentive for when the woman returned. Just in case Erin wanted to dance again, wanted to watch a movie.

Holtz took in a deep breath, bringing her hand to her face and she exhaled, her breath turning to a choked sob as she dragged her hands down, dropping them in her lap. She sat there, her mind racing, attempting to tell herself that maybe to was time to move on. To give up Erin. To give Erin up, to him. Give up the woman that was never really hers to begin with.

She was upset, angry, disappointed...jealous.
Erin was out on her date, well probably not still out, she was probably in bed with him. She couldn't blame him though because she was perfect, she was beautiful, she was Erin.

The blonde wiped her eyes, standing up slowly as she flicked off the television, walking into the kitchen and turning on the light. She looked at the cooking utensils and ingredients sprawled on the bench, and she sighed, leaning against the doorway.

What a stupid idea, she thought, there was no guarantee, no guarantee at all that Erin would return, but she still hoped. She'd hoped to surprise her, a night of baking, making her favourite apple muffins, eating them together, still warm from the oven. Chatting together on the couch. Maybe they would watch a movie. Maybe they would dance again. Anything. Anything to just spend time with her.