chapter 94

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"Meredith" he walks into the room. "Hey" I stand up, walking over to him. They must've only just got home.

"Is the baby here?" I ask. "Yeah, come on" he holds my hand. We walk downstairs. We walk to a bassinet in the middle of the living room.

I smile, looking at her. "She's so cute" I whisper. "I was a cuter baby" he whispers. I chuckle softly, nudging him. He grins.

"Did it hurt?" I look at Carol. "Nah" she says sarcastically. I giggle. "You should've called me.. I would've dropped you off some paracetamol" I sit next to her on the couch. "Shut up" she chuckles. I laugh.

"You look really good" I say. She smiles. "I'd look like crap if I had to shove a massive head out of-" I say. "Meredith, oh my god" Derek says. I giggle.

"Do you need anything? Me and derek can help out around the house if you need us to.. you must be tired.. plus you're looking after a newborn" I say. "That's very nice Meredith thankyou" she says. "Of course.. just tell me if you need anything" I say.

"Der let's go upstairs" I hold his hand. "N-no I-" he says. "Now" I pull him along. I push him into his room and lock the door behind me.

"Meredith please just leave me alone" he sighs. "No" I say. He sits on the bed. I kneel infront of him, between his legs. "Can you talk to me? Tell me what's going on?" I brush his hair off of his forehead.

"I don't wanna talk about it.. it was stupid.. and I didn't- you weren't supposed to see the scars.. I'm sorry" he says. I just look into his eyes. He tears up.

"I'm sorry" tears run down his cheeks. "Baby" I sigh, pulling his glasses off. I wipe his tears.

"it's okay.. its okay" I wrap my arms around his neck. He pushes his face into my shoulder. I climb onto his lap, stroking his back gently.

"I'm so sorry.. I shouldn't have pushed you" I pull away slowly, wiping his tears. I look into his eyes.

I kiss his lips a few times softly. "Are you mad at me?" He whispers. "No, of course I'm not mad at you" I whisper. I kiss his cheek.

"Why don't you go downstairs and hold your new baby sister? It might calm you down" I smile. "Okay" he says. "Go, I'll be down in a minute" I climb off of him. He gets up. He puts his glasses back on.

He kisses me softly before going downstairs. I take in a huge breath, tears running down my cheeks as soon as he leaves. Why the hell is nobody ever happy with me in their lives?

I finally stop crying and go downstairs after washing my face. They let me hold the baby. I was so right. She does calm you down.

"Shit, I didn't even ask.. what's her name?" I ask. They all chuckle. "Danielle" Carol says. I hand her back to her.

I sit next to derek on the couch. I wrap my arms around his waist, kissing his cheek. "I love you so much" I whisper quietly. "I love you too" he whispers in my ear.

"Is that a fucking tattoo?" Carol asks. I freeze. "Umm.. yeah?" Derek says. I look at her, my heart pounding in my chest for him. "It looks nice" she says. I let out a breath.

I show her mine too. She says she really likes them both. Derek has the best parents ever.

"Are you tired?" He asks as I lay with my head on his lap. I nod. "Go to bed" he says. I shake my head.

"Come on, I'll go with you" he says. "Okay" I stand up. I hold his hand as he stands up. We say night to everyone before going upstairs.

We get changed into pyjamas and climb into bed. "Did you do it anywhere else?" I whisper. "What?" He looks at me. I give him a look. "Oh.. no, only my thighs" he says quietly.

I rub the inside of his thigh gently with my hand. "Please talk to me the next time you feel like doing that" I whisper. He rests his forehead against mine. I close my eyes. I kiss him softly.

I start crying quietly. "Meredith" he puts his hand on my cheek. "I'm sorry" I sit up. I get up and go to the bathroom.

I calm myself down, wash my face and go back into the bedroom. "I'm sorry" I climb into bed. "Come here" he gently pulls me into his arms. I lay on my back and he snuggles his face into my neck, kissing it softly.

"What is it baby?" He asks. "Is it because of me? Is that why you're-" I sniffle. "No! No, Meredith of course it isn't" he says. "But why aren't you happy? Don't I make you happy?" My lip trembles.

"I am happy" he says. "You're lying" I sob, sitting up. He sits up too. He gently pulls me onto his lap so I'm straddling him.

He puts his hands on my cheeks, looking into my eyes. I keep crying, looking down to hide my face. He kisses my head, my nose, then my lips softly.

"Its not because of you" he whispers. I wrap my arms around him, hugging him tight. He sighs, pulling me into his arms. "I love you so fucking much" he whispers.

"I'm scared.. I dont want to lose you" I say. "You're not going to lose me.. I promise" he says. I whimper quietly into his neck.

He pulls me closer to him. I wrap my arms tight around him. "Can I sleep on your chest tonight?" I whisper. "Yeah baby of course" he whispers, rolling over so I'm between his legs.

I snuggle my face into his chest, wrapping my arms tight around his waist. If he tries to move, I'll know it. "Goodnight meredith" he whispers. "Night" I whisper, closing my eyes.

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