sanctify

temple of the sin

                        chapter 1

my father alway knew i was unholy. he saw me as a sinful child and never accepted me as his own, he blamed my mother on this, my mother was depressed while carrying me but he says the devil was inside her i wasn't his child but the devils, of course it's untrue, my mother had me as a teen i would say about 15-16 and my father was a pastor in the village church he was 25. my mother had a lover that time but since the pastor, the kindest man in the village her parents only approved of him, days she cried telling her parents she didn't want him then they gave up my mother won but weeks later she was pregnant the boy she loved knew it wasn't his.. my mother tried to explain, it was the pastors. the pastor kept teasing her after church she said but the pastor denied because as God said you can only have intercourse with the one you choose to be with for the rest of your life and he would not have done that. i mean of course he would lie he could get arrested for having a having uncontested sex with someone much younger than him, he said he would still marry my mom and God will forgive her and he can protect her from the devil. he is a narcissist and a sick man. we don't like him and im sure God doesn't either.
when i turned 12 my mother was happier than ever, he loved my father and me and i loved her, and my father offered me to help him with church so i did that, it was fun i met alot of kids and had a big group of friends, but again.. im a sinful child. i had a best friend named Harmon Kennedy we hang out after church to everyday i was going through early stages of puberty so.. well something about me isn't normal i really like being around him my father probably noticed that and one day i was rushing to eat my lunch as i always do because he usually come earlier than 12 but as i finished there was no knocks on the door "odd" i said. i went to his house and her mother answered the door and told me Harmon was sick and couldn't play but later that afternoon i saw him with a group of kids by the lake running around i was sad so i didn't bother going. sunday came and as my father talked some speeches in the church i kept noticing glances he gave me. after i walked near him and was about to tap his shoulder but he brushed my fand off "don't come near me freak" i was shocked, why would he say that. then i realized my father must have something to do with this so ran to him with tears in my eyes and asked his softly why and he spoke "the devil is still with you and i don't want you to spread the evil to the kids in the village" at the last of his sentence echoed around the church i was looking at the cross where Jesus was starring at me. "why.. why did the devil choose me" i asked under my breath then walked out. a hand grabbed me and it was Harmon. he held it until we got pass the gate and acted like nothing happened. he stopped and looked at me "i told my mom about everything your father told me" i looked unsurprised as he continued "my dad figured that this village is not a right place i grow to" "is..  is you.. will you move?" i asked while i said please dont a million times in my head. "listed" he said "my mom said that there is no evil in you.. she thinks that you're just gay" dismayed written all over my face. "how could you say that.. that is forbidden from God word-" he interrupts. "she had an suspension on us hanging out, the way you look at me.. the way i look at you. sorry you're probably not.." "not what i asked".. "not gay" he shortly continued "my father wanted to live here to give me and my mom a glimpse of how he grew up, since here has an amazing environment but then he realized how close minded, how isolated people here are and.." "and you're leaving.." i said. "sorry im not.. im not gay. i probably just gave you a wrong impression but you're my friend i never thought of you in that.. way" i left, i couldn't take the tension and i never showed myself to him.
the day came he's leaving i looked out my window and i don't know.. i wanted to scream at him i don't want him to leave.. please don't leave me here. he saw me looking at him in the distance and he shouted a farewell, i was too sad to even run to him or scream it back i just sat at the floor and.. that was it he's gone and i loved him.. at 12 years old i understood how love is because i love him.
i sobbed probably too loud that my mother heard me from her room. "im gay" i said confidently while you can hear the fear in my voice. she said an obvious answer even a fish could have guessed "let's pray" she said with a soft toned voice.

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i haven't updated since 2020 and surprisingly i got 8 reads which is crazy for me because 8 people can fill up a whole house, so thank you.