Maybe This Christmas ~ Bill Kaulitz

Chapter 7 ~ Alone on Christmas

I sighed, taking a deep breath, before stepping forward and knocking firmly on June's front door. 

She opened it, a huge smile spread across her face which was heavily plastered with makeup. "Holly! Darling, you look lovely!" She exclaimed. "Come in out that damn snow." She grabbed my arm, hauling me inside and looking me up and down. 

I had chosen a white satin dress with blood red lace over the top. Shane had given it me three years ago as a Christmas present. I had put on the red lipstick Bill had given me. Hopefully he would notice. If he turned up. 

"Has anyone come for me?" I asked quietly, trying to peer around her into the front room. 

"I don't think so, sorry sweetie. Why? Were you expecting someone?" 

I sighed, my shoulders dropping. "No. It-it doesn't matter." 

"Come on, everyone's in here, having fun without us." She giggled, pushing me into the next room  

Her house was full to bursting of people and noise.  Everywhere there were groups of people dancing, chatting, eating, drinking. Everyone was smiling. Everyone but me. 

"Guys, Holly's here." June called out, across the room. 

Only about five people turned to see what she was shouting about, two of them being Sophie and Flynn. 

"I thought you weren't going to come." Sophie murmured once I'd pushed my way through the crowded room. 

I shrugged in reply, leaning against the wall. 

"You look nice by the way, were you expecting someone?" Flynn said gently, smiling at me. 

"I was, but-It doesn't matter. Its not like anyone would want to see me." I sighed, flattening out my dress. 

"I'm sure whoever's coming just a little la-" 

"Flynn! Get over here. I need a dancing partner!" A voice called from across the room. He shrugged an apology, darting away.  

Sophie sighed, shaking her head. "Men." she glanced at me, quickly smiling. "Can we find somewhere to sit? I'm dying in these damn heels." 

I nodded, following her navigate around the busy rooms until we were faced with a empty sofa. 

Sophie sat down, pulling her shoes off and sighing. "That's better." 

I had to talk to her about Bill. "Soph. I need to say something, but I really, really need you to listen. I'm stuck." 

"Shoot away." she looked up at me, cradling her shoes in her arms. 

Now I had to tell her. Damn it. 

"Well. You see. There's this guy. He's called Bill, and I think I kinda love him. But he doesn't like me at all. He hasn't shown up to talk to me for days. I don't want to be moving on from Shane too quickly. But I don't want to ruin my chance with Bill. I have no idea what I'm meant to do!" 

She looked at me blankly for a moment, trying to take in what I has just blurted out. Maybe I'd said too much. 

"Honey, I know you don't want to hear this, but Shane's gone now. He's never coming back, so there's no point hoping that one day he will. Life is yours for the taking, so don't waste it wishing you can get your boyfriend back. Seeing someone new will do you good. Go for it. Get this guy." 

She was right. But now it was too late. Bill was gone now, and he didn't like me. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." she sniffed. 

"No, no. It's right. You're right." I demanded, not looking her in the eye. "I just don't know how to contact him." 

She gave me a sympathetic look, biting the inside of her lip. "Well, these things sometimes just work themselves out. You never know." 

I nodded, leaning back, staring up into space. If only I had been careful with what I had said. Then I wouldn't be in this mess. 

"Well, I'm gonna go see where I can get a drink in this shamble. Want anything?" Sophie asked, pulling me momentarily from my thoughts. 

"No thank you." I murmured, not braking my vacant stare from somewhere on the wall. 

"Can you look after my shoes then? I'll only be a minuet or two." 

I held out my hand, the straps of the shoes being slid over my fingers. I tucked them securely beside me, looking around at everyone. 

I didn't get why I had come here. I hated Christmas. That wouldn't change. Not now. 

Seeing everyone here just made me hate myself for coming. Everyone was in a couple.  Dancing, talking, kissing. Everywhere. Couples. And then me. Lonely old me, who's boyfriend died two years ago. I still had the newspaper clippings. 'Christmas car accident leaves man dead' That had been the paper heading. I had hated it. The only reason why I kept it was because there was a smiling image of him on it. 

Bill wouldn't want me. I was still hung up on my ex. Who would want that? 

In an attempt to draw my attention away from my own thoughts I turned, glancing around the room in search for Sophie. It was unexplainable how she would be able to get lost, so I assumed she had just been pulled into something and had gotten distracted. Sighing, I turned back round, leaning my elbow against the arm of the chair, my cheek against my cold palm. 

This was the worst idea I'd had in years. 

My eye caught sight of something. To the left of me was a couple dancing. Just like how Shane and myself would dance. They were laughing, kissing, hugging, staring deeply into each others eyes. Everything I missed. 

I felt hollow inside. There was that happy couple, showing me how great it was to be in love. I couldn't watch any longer. 

Grabbing Sophie's shoes I stood up, weaving my way through the mass of people. I placed the shoes on a table, continuing through to the kitchen where I 'sulked'. People milled about me, whispering things to each other and staring at the weird, lonely girl standing in the corner.  

This year would be the same as the others. I would be alone, the last person sober whilst everyone around me laughed about how bad it would be to be alone on Christmas. 

What fun that would be.