Secrets of Me | s. black

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t h i r t y - t h r e e

The night was cold in London that evening, the air a crisp chill that sent shivers down spines, that sent teeth together in a chatter. Footsteps swept over the cobblestones quickly, in a hurry to escape the frigid air. Every head had a hat and every body a warm cloak.

Every head and body, that is, except for Brielle Anderson's.

"We need to get inside," Remus Lupin said not for the first time, his body shaking even under his cloak. He was annoyed — beyond annoyed — with the stubborn girl in front of him.

"Remus, I need to feel something," said Brielle, arms spread out in the icy air as they walked the sidewalk. "I need to feel a different kind of pain."

"So you're go-to is freezing to death?" he exclaimed, running an angry hand through his hair. "Brielle, this isn't healthy."

"Don't you think I know that?" she said, huffing out a breath. She jumped over a misplaced stone and turned to face Remus, both of them coming to a stop in front of Number 4 Privet Drive. Brielle's intense amber eyes settled themselves onto Remus' face. "I've felt pain in every way imaginable and I need something new. Sue me for branching out."

"Then sue me for caring about you," said Remus, stepping closer and glaring down at her. "You're not the only one grieving, Bree. I lost everyone but you that day. I know it hurts. But killing ourselves isn't going to bring them back. I know you know that." He gave her a disapproving look. "I also know that stalking Harry won't help either."

Brielle let out a sigh, the puff of breath clouding in the cold air, and looked up to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry, okay," she said, and rubbed her frozen cheeks. Her face was so very pale. "I —I know I need to do better. I just don't have any motivation —"

Her eyes narrowed as she caught sight of movement over his shoulder, in the window of house Number 4. Remus' heart dropped in his chest at the sounds that echoed through the night, reverberating through the Dursley's house walls. He turned to look where Brielle was looking and immediately wished life wasn't so damn unfair.

"You ungrateful child!" shouted Vernon Dursley, face one of scorn. "You eat the food I give you or you don't eat at all."

A five-year old Harry Potter began to cry, cheeks turning red. He mumbled something that couldn't be heard through the walls.

"Bastard," growled Brielle, marching up the driveway toward the door. Her small feet barely made a sound as she walked, and Remus wondered how she was so graceful. His own legs and feet seemed to have a mind of their own.

"Brielle!" Remus shouted. "Brielle, what are you doing?"

Glancing back over her shoulder at him with a twisted smirk, Brielle said, "I think I've found my motivation."

Remus let out a curse and followed her up the driveway, his long untrustworthy legs catching up to her in stride. "What are you doing?" he repeated, voice tight.

"Something more healthy," Brielle said with another grin.

Remus groaned, grabbing at her arm and pulling her to a stop. He narrowed his eyes at how cold her skin was. "If you're doing what I think you're doing, I have to stop you," he told her.

"Why?" she exclaimed, jerking her arm out of his grasp. "Why shouldn't I put a stop to it? Why shouldn't I take him and give him a good life? Why shouldn't I protect him? Lily and James asked me to, and I've failed them. I've failed everyone. I can't fail anyone else." Her voice broke on the last words and she shoved him away from her, turning back to the front door.