the book tour

♥︎ 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑦 𝑡𝑤𝑜

tw for death at the end. please read with caution. 

°˖✧✿✧˖° lia °˖✧✿✧˖°

Everyone was exhausted after the full day of travelling. Kennedy had been super small all day though and it had made it so much harder. I wasn't complaining because she was cute as heck but it was very difficult. She was whining and wouldn't eat any solid food. She hardly ever slipped this far and it was concerning me. After yesterday's breakdown and last night's midnight walk and now super little Ken, I knew she needed to tell me what was going on so I could help her!
"I know angel, mama's coming," I said in reply to her loud whine. Due to the business in London right now, we weren't able to get enough hotel rooms so Addie, Blair, Ken and I were all sharing one big room with two double beds. When I sat down beside her, she instantly pulled at my top, wanting my milk for the fourth time today.
"Darling, not right now," I sighed, taking her hand in mine. In all honesty, my nipples were super sore. Due to her upset, she'd been nursing quite hard and she'd nibbled a few times too so they were sore now. I needed to give them a break. She whined harder and slammed her head into my chest in protest, which hurt too.
"I know, I'm sorry," I mumbled, putting my hand in her hair and rubbing another hand up and down her back. "Mama's so mean," I sighed. I didn't know how to help her. She was hot, bothered, tired, clingy and very, very small.
"There's a bath," Addie told me. I looked up at her in relief. If she could go and run the bath, that would be great. She smiled and headed back to the bathroom, knowing exactly what I needed without me having to say a word.

"Is she okay?" Blair asked me, looking up from her phone. I sighed and shrugged. Honestly, I didn't know. I really needed to get to the bottom of all of this.
"Bath is ready," Addie told me, coming back out of the bathroom a few minutes later.
"Thank you," I smiled and stood up from the bed. I grabbed what I needed, towels etc and then took Kennedy's hand. "Bath time my love." She whimpered a little but plodded behind me to the bathroom. Once there, I stripped her off and set her in the bath. Instantly, she splashed in the water and I smiled for the first time all day—what a good idea.
"Mama in," she told me as I got undressed.
"I'm coming sweetheart!" I giggled and slid into the bath behind her. She leaned on me and snuggled into my neck. I kissed her cheek and she smiled up at me. I could see how small she was. I scooped some water into my hands and then let it fall over her hair and her face and she giggled, shutting her eyes tight. I did it again and again. Soon, she reached her little, wet hand up to my face and touched my lips and my nose, exploring my features. I let her, pretending to gobble at her fingers occasionally. That made her smile too and it was so nice feeling her laugh in my arms.
"Guess what little one?" I smirked, leaning in close to her so our noses were touching. She didn't answer me, clearly too small but she smiled and her eyes grew in innocence. "Mama loves you, so so much." Her eyes closed but she smiled widely, understanding. She nuzzled in closer to me and wrapped her arms around my neck before kissing my cheek sloppily. I smiled and held her against me. She was my little love.

As the bath grew cold, I decided it was time for us to get out. I got out first, allowing her a little play time as I dried off as much as I could.
"Mama!" She cheered, happily holding up a jug of water. Before I even had the chance to register what was going on, she poured it out of the bath and all over the floor.
"Nooo!" I cried. "No Ken no!" I said quickly and put the jug in the bath. She looked at me alarmed and I realised how loud I shouted. "The water stays in the bath darling," I sighed. I ran my hand over her hair and kissed her head then grabbed as many towels as I could. Thankfully, the jug was only small so it wasn't too bad but seeing her now, sitting in the bath with her head down and fiddling with her hands, I felt awful for shouting.
"It's time to get out love," I said softly, holding up her towel. She sighed, looking at me with watery eyes. I pouted and sunk to my knees beside her in the bath. "I'm so sorry mama shouted," I whispered, running my knuckles down her cheek. "I just panicked because I didn't want a wet bathroom lovely." She mumbled something I didn't really understand and threw her arms up in despair. "Mama's super sorry. How about we get you out and dry and we can watch movies whilst I do your hair?" I suggested, trying to distract her from whatever was going on.
"Jus snuggwes," she mumbled, moving to her knees and rising to her feet. I quickly did the same and grabbed the towel. I helped her step out and quickly engulfed her in the fluffy towel. I rubbed it allllll over her body at a super quick speed and she giggled loudly.

She sat by my feet, Blair sat in front of her, talking her through a new game and I did her hair. She was a giggling monster now and I appreciated that the bath had helped. She was obviously feeling much better.
"I'm going to order some food," Addie mumbled, sitting beside me on the bed. "What's the little one wanting?" Usually, I'd tell her to ask Kennedy but all day, she hadn't had any solid food and I knew she'd not pick anything substantial.
"Love?" I asked, leaning down to Ken. "Would you like some food?"
She thought for a moment and then nodded. "What are you thinking?"
"Getti," she whispered simply and I nodded. What a fantastic answer.
"Brilliant, good girl! Two Spaghetti's please Addie," I smiled, grabbing a bobble to tie Kennedy's plait. Blair told Addie what she wanted and as soon as Kennedy knew I was finished, she took her best friend's hand and they ran to the corner of the room to do some colouring.
"Be nice girls," Addie told them in a soft tone.
"We are mummy," Blair replied, handing Ken a pen. I smiled at their sweetness but flopped back onto the bed. What an exhausting day.

"You okay?" Addie asked, looking at me softly. I nodded and sighed.
"I just can't help as much as I want to if I don't know what's wrong," I whispered, not wanting her to hear. Addie turned the TV on and put some cartoons on before turning back to me.
"Do you have any idea at all?"
"Not one but there is obviously something going on," I sighed. She thought for a moment and suddenly my phone ringing brought us both out of our thoughts. I leaned over to the bedside table and saw it was Annie. I quickly answered it.

"Hi!" I said cheerily.
"Hi Lia," she replied, a lot less cheery.
"Is everything okay?" I asked, concerned.
"As okay as it can be, how's my little sister?" she asked. "I've been trying to call her all day but she hasn't answered."
"Oh, she's been very little today, away from her phone. Was there something, in particular, you wanted to talk to her about?"
"It's just dad's funeral, I think she's putti-" My jaw dropped. What did she say?
"Dad's what?" I asked, interrupting her.
"Oh my god," she sighed over the phone. I could picture her face planting. "She hasn't told you."
"She's not told me," I said. It all made sense. The not sleeping, the upset, the breakdown, the littleness. It all made sense. Why hadn't she told me?
"It happened Monday. I rang her that night and yeah-" Annie sighed.
"Annie, I'm so, so sorry. How are you holding up? Do you need us to come home?" I asked, glancing over at Kennedy. She was in her little world playing with Blair and I felt my eyes suddenly fill with tears.
"I'm okay, thank you though. I'm heading to Manchester tomorrow to pick him up and sort all of that out and then, well I was going to discuss with Ken what to do with him. I don't- I'm not sure what he wanted."

We continued discussing it for a while and Addie had picked up on the conversation from my side, it dawning on her too. She could sense my upset though and stayed beside me, keeping an eye on Kennedy too. It sounded, very much from her voice, that Annie needed someone to talk to. When there was a knock at the door, the little one's heads turned but Ken's eyes met mine and she realised I was on the phone. She came over to me and Blair went to the table as Addie answered the door.
"Food's just arrived, Annie. I'll get Kennedy to call you tomorrow," I said softly. When Kennedy realised who I was on the phone to, her shoulders slumped and she realised that I knew. "Message me if you need anything babes, even to chat. I'm here." I said finally and hung up. I put the phone on the bed and looked at Kennedy. She looked back at me and I watched as her eyes filled with tears and her bottom lip began to wobble.

"Come here," I sighed, pulling her close to me, cradling her in my chest as she broke down and I let my own tears fall. Her dad had died and she'd kept it all to herself.