Mostly Marvel One-Shots

Would Anyone Care? (Songfic)

TW! Suicidal thoughts, Self harm- please exercise caution!

Would anyone notice?

Would they?

If tonight, I disappeared.

He asks himself that question every night, and the answer is always the same.

Would anyone chase me, and say the words that I need to hear?

No. 

That I'm no burden

But he feels like one. Aunt May spends so much on him, even though he barely eats. He wasted Mr. Stark's time with stupid questions and dumb movies when he could be working.

Not so worthless

What has he ever done for them, other than waste time, money and space?

Bent so much that I just might break

Ben. The Vulture. Titan. The Compound. Haunting his nightmares, crushing his lungs with panic attacks.

All consuming, so confusing, the questions that keep me awake.

He hardly sleeps. Stays out all night as Spider-Man, trying to convince himself that he's important. It never works.

Would anyone care, would anyone cry?

He's not sure anymore. He's pushed everyone away, even Ned doesn't talk to him anymore.

If I finally stepped off of this ledge tonight? Would anything change, would you all be just fine?

New York doesn't need him. They've got Mr. Stark. And Wade. And Mr. Murdock, Miles, Gwen... The avengers don't need him, all they do is tell him to do better, be better, do more. 

'Cause I need a reason to not throw the fight

The list dwindles every day. 

It just might save my life

Would anyone want me, if they knew what was inside my head?

He can't stand small spaces. Loud noises make him flinch hard enough for strangers to notice. He's afraid of the dark and the color orange makes him sick.

Would anyone see me, for the person that I really am?

They don't want him. Just Spider-Man, not Peter Parker.

I won't lie, so hard to hide, I've never felt worthy of love

His parents died in that plane crash because of his stupid nightmare. Ben died protecting him. Death digs its hands into everything he loves.

I would give up, everything I have, just to feel good enough

He's never good enough. He's too slow, he gets people hurt because he can't be there fast enough. 

Would anyone care?

They wouldn't. The knife slices through his skin, blood pouring over his hands.

 Would anyone cry?

The suit's at the Tower, neatly packed in a box and dropped off nearly an hour ago. He's at the top of an old building now, far enough away that May won't have to deal with extra traffic on her way to work.

If I finally stepped off of this ledge tonight.

He downs the entire bottle of the sleep aids Dr. Cho made for him, the ones he hadn't opened until today, and closes his eyes.

Would anything change, would you all be just fine?

Back at the Tower, Tony stumbles out of the workshop at One AM, and finds a package with his name on it, in Peter's handwriting. He reads the note, pales, and frantically shouts for FRIDAY to find Peter. 

'Cause I need a reason to not throw the fight

He flies as fast as he can because his son is bleeding out on that rooftop. He barely gets there in time. Peter's breathing, but barely. Nanotech and web fluid bandage the cuts to stop the bleeding while he flies back to the tower, shouting for Helen and Bruce to get the medbay ready.

It just might save my life

Peter survives. He opens his eyes and he's hooked up to a host of machines, Tony sitting next to his bed, sobbing. 

He stays in the medbay for weeks. May visits between shifts at the hospital. Ned and MJ are there as often as they can be. 

He starts to heal. 

If you're dying inside, sick of being alive, let me in, let me share in your pain

Spider-Man goes dark for a long time, but he comes back with a vengeance, championing suicide prevention. He talks people down from the edge. Talks for hours just to keep them here, convinces people to give their lives another chance. 

From my lungs through the dark, spoken straight from the heart, let me give you a reason to stay

He sets people up with the resources they need, tells his own story, gives them his phone number and always answers. 

If you're out there still lying awake

He listens.

If you're out there still wondering

He doesn't judge.

Sometimes he just sits there and lets them cry on his shoulder. 

Would anyone care, would anyone cry

Mr. Stark funds a lot of people's therapy. He wouldn't have it any other way. 

If you finally gave up and turned out the light?

Peter saves hundreds of lives, rescues even more from awful situations. 

The world would be changed if you left it behind

He gives people hope. 

You can't be replaced, no, tonight is the night

You take back your life

And heals himself in the process.