Survivor's Guilt ~ A Marvel Story

~ 2 ~

After Odin and Thor's small fight in the vault, the three of us quickly tried to walk away, keeping our heads down. That was until I realized that I needed to tell father that nothing was Heimdall's fault. 

I stopped in my tracks, receiving confused glances from Thor and Loki. 

"Father," I turned on my heel and shouted as pleasantly as I could. "Do you have a moment to talk?"

He turned around and nodded stiffly. I picked up my pace to join him at his side, trying to keep my breath steady. I look over my shoulder and noticed that my brothers were already gone. 

"Uhm..." The words that came so easily into my mind now faltered on my tongue. 

"Please hurry, Astrid, I've got a lot to do," He spoke quickly.

I tried to ignore that carelessness in his tone. "Please don't blame Heimdall," I finally said. "That the Frost Giants got in. It wasn't his fault."

At this, father stopped and turned towards me. In confusion, I stopped as well. "What are you talking about?"

"Heimdall wasn't at his post," I paused to take a breath but father interrupted me before I could continue.

"The hell do you mean he wasn't? He wouldn't lea-"

"But," I stressed, cutting him off. "It's because of me. I told him that he should come and see the coronation. I know he can technically see everything but it doesn't mean he's always looking and I distracted him from looking and it's my fault, not his." He didn't stop me as I rambled on. That was the worst thing about him. He let you keep talking until you spoke too much and said all the wrong things.

I hesitated to look into his eyes. When I did, I regretted it. A flurry of disappointment and rage was gently masked behind his old blue eyes. "Did you control him?"

The question made my the sorrow on my face falter into anger for a moment at the accusation. I didn't even think about the possibility that he might assume that.

"Of course not, you know I wouldn't do that unless necessary."

"Maybe you didn't know you were doing it," He fumed. "The lessons from your mother aren't helping you control your power. I should've known." My heart sank at his words and I fiddled with the rings on my fingers. "Why can't you be more like your brother? Or even Sif."

I wanted to say so much and yet under his presence, I couldn't do anything but accept his words with nods. 

"I think you should focus on the other gift again, the useful one. I'll have Sif train you." He looked at me as if I should be excited about the proposition. "I'll tell your mother to stop training you in menticide. In time, you'll forget all about it."

Menticide. The worst possible word to describe it. 

"It's not brainwashing," I mumbled. It was loud enough for him to hear, however. 

He tilted his head to the side. "How would you explain it, then?" The vexation found its way in between every syllable. 

"I can see and feel things with more than eyes and nerves." It was a simple definition but it was how Heimdall would always explain it to me. Little did my father know, it wasn't only my mother who was training me, it was also Heimdall. "And I can also influence people's thoughts and feelings."

"Influence!" He scoffed. His voice bounced off of the walls threateningly. "What a nice way of saying manipulate. It's brainwashing and your mother has brainwashed you if she's made you think it's anything other than that."

I pushed the rage down with a simple breath. I learned a long time ago that raising my voice at my father would only make him angrier. "I saved your life and your precious relics with that power today." I waved my arm towards the vault door.