Night Auditor

Meredith (5)

I didn't know how long I had been driving.

I stopped checking shortly after leaving Orlando. Sometimes I found myself stopped at a gas station in a town somewhere south of Orlando, sometimes I'd pay attention to exits looking for gas stations if the gas light had turned on. Florida's naturally flat geography was almost hypnotic, making me feel like the road just went on endlessly and distance was merely an illusion.

Then I found myself by the shoulder of a road, my Soul parked behind me. It wasn't an interstate. The narrow two-lane road went on ahead of her much like how the orange groves went on beside her.

And it was quiet.

So quiet.

A single car had yet to pass by and only the "moos" of distant cows reminded her that she was still on Earth. Still alive.

This would be a nice way to die. Be hit by an alien asteroid while admiring the orange trees like I'd never seen orange trees before. Or more realistically, be run over by a tractor that would appear out of nowhere and shred my body to pieces for a somewhat instantaneous death.

If Billy saw this now, he would lose his shit. He'd probably have me stop by the road to look at the orange groves too.

I remembered one summer when Billy tried to grow orange trees from seeds. He'd read so many posts on plant subreddits and meticulously followed a tight schedule for the waterings and fertilizings. But poor Billy simply couldn't seem to grow orange trees. He had no issues growing mangoes and pineapples in our tiny apartment kitchen. But those damn oranges wouldn't budge!

Suddenly, an idea.

Seriously, why not?

Why couldn't I just do it like Ryan Gosling did in The Notebook and simply lie down on the ground, relax in the quietness of everything, then wait and see if a car would finally run me over? That was The Notebook, right?

I looked to the left. A long empty road with miles of orange groves on either side.

I looked to the right. A long empty road with miles of orange groves on either side.

I let my mind wander away from (this place somewhere in) Central Florida, away from my Kia Soul, away from the cows probably wondering what the hell this suicidal woman was doing here.

Billy, in his signature navy blue button down shirt and black pants, appeared across the street. I was sure he was an illusion though a small part of me wished he was real. Either way didn't matter. There was peace on this road. Not just the place my body stood on but my mind had allowed myself to settle down for once and focus on nothing but Billy's image.

I could go to him now.

Dazed or not, I began to walk towards him.

I had never seen Billy this clear before. I could see my husband like I did in our old life. The wrinkled button down shirt. The black pants he repeatedly wore and almost never washed. The lines his eyes made that only made him look happier, if not older.

It could only be the quietness of this sad Floridian road.

I had seen Billy before but not like this. Not as clear as this, certainly not as peaceful as this. If I wasn't going to die any time soon, I would at least want to see my dead husband as clear as day.

I had been in a trance more often lately.

There was no way I would let myself eventually forget about Billy.

I snapped myself back to focus, got in my Soul, then drove further down the road.

Forget Key West, forget Galaxy's Edge.

I was going to find out what town I was in. And when I did, I would live in it so I could see Billy like I just did and it would feel like my old life again. And if it turned out to be just another shitty town and the nice image of Billy was some ghostly false advertisement, there was always Key West or Galaxy's Edge to fall back into.

No strings attached.