My Sister's Best Friend

31

This weekend we have the state championships, and the closer we get, the more pressure I seem to feel. I've had three anxiety attacks this week, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I'm heartbroken. It's been two days since the fight with Maya's father, and since she hasn't called me, I'm assuming it's because we're over. I even stayed up late on the game every night to see if by some miracle she'd go online, but it was just silence. A god-awful silence.

I didn't think it would be possible to miss someone this much. Maya and I didn't even get the chance to see how far things would go. It was destroyed in the blink of an eye. Now I'm just... here. I'm a lifeless, anxiety-bundled mess without her. There's not even Maddie to turn to since she ignored me the entire weekend too. I know I was an asshole to her about dating Cam, but I had my own shit going on, and I took it out on her. She's due an apology from me, but for now, I'm not in the right head space to give it.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, I put my duffel bag in my locker and start to change for practice. The rest of the team is chattering away about different plays we're going to try, but I'm tuning all of them out. All I want to do is sulk in my room. I don't want to be here one bit.

The door slams shut and I see Cam turn up beside me. I haven't seen him all day, but he throws his bag on the bench and unzips it roughly, tugging out his cleats and chucking them to the floor. It's not until he goes to pull his t-shirt over his head that I see his face. His eyes are completely bloodshot, and just for a second, I'm taken back to the summer of eighth grade when he showed up at my house. It makes my heart feel like it split into two.

I clear my throat and reach out my hand to grab his attention. "Are you good?" I ask, but I wish I hadn't as soon as I do.

His eyes slice into mine with nothing but fury, narrowing into tiny slits that look so sharp I fear they'll cut me. "Am I okay?" He roars, and now he's silenced the entire locker room. "No, I'm not fucking okay, Ethan. Maddie broke it off with me this weekend, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why. You're a shitty friend." He laughs and shrugs before continuing. "And you know what's crazy? You want to preach about how I don't notice when something's up with you, but why couldn't you notice that I was different, too? I love her. I'm in love with her, and it's not fair that you get to parade around with Maya while I'm fucking suffering."

He just said this in front of the entire team. I'm standing here in shock without a damn thing to say because I know he's right.  I've been a shit friend, and I should have been happy for the two of them instead of tearing them down. I can see it written on his face how much he loves her. He's broken, and I'm the reason why.

"Cameron, I'm-" My voice falters, and I don't know why I'm being so damn emotional right now. I guess I just miss my best friend. I hate how fucked up things have become. I miss how things used to be, and when he looks at me again, the anger isn't there anymore. He can tell how I feel without me even having to say it.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Coach Carter roars, waving his clipboard in the air as he storms through his door. "Are you really going to be fucking sissies when we've got a state championship to worry about? You've got two minutes to get your shit together. Everyone else -- out on the field! Go!"

In seconds the crowd dissipates and it's just Cameron and me alone in here. He sits down on the bench and hangs his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees before he lets out a loud sigh. "I've never felt pain like this." He mutters. "I don't know how I'm supposed to be normal again after losing her, and I know, you don't like us together, but I need to talk to someone, and you used to be that someone for me, Ethan. I don't know what the hell happened, or how things got so fucked, but... I can't lose you too. I just can't."