Hearts On The Line

Chapter eleven

I remove my seatbelt the second we pull up to the house. The lights are out. Panic rises in my throat as I jump out of his truck the moment he puts it in park. Lawson calls my name, but I ignore him.

Peering back down at my phone, there's not a single message from Miles. I called him on the ride over, texted him, and it's taking everything in me not to drive over to Kyle's and break down the door.

I'm inside the house before Lawson can catch up.

"Jackson?" I yell.

I run through the living room, the kitchen, flipping on every light along the way. Starting up the stairs, they creek, and my foot hits the step above and with a loud thump my hands crash down on it.

"Damn it."

Lawson is behind me, hands on my hips. I try to push him away. It's not that I'm not grateful he's supporting me, my mind is only focused on one thing. I rip away from his grasp and rush up the stairs, nearly crawling. At the top I stumble but right myself.

I check every room, and closet too, even though I highly doubt he'd be there. Reaching for my phone again, I sit on Jackson's bed. The phone rings and rings going to voicemail.

What if it's me? What if I'm the issue? I'm doing such a horrible job at parenting that he's run away.

"I swear to God, Miles, if you have our son, you are going to be sorry. Bring him home now!" I yell-cry.

The sobs have taken over, but instead of sitting there doing nothing I jump to my feet. Downstairs, Mom, and Lawson are talking, and I briefly see Anna sitting on the couch looking beside herself.

I race out the door into the darkness, not sure what else I can do, but go over to Kyle's myself. There are footsteps behind me and before I can reach the street a hand pulls me back.

"Hey, where are you off to?"

"Lawson, please let go. I have to go see if he's there..." I hiccup.

"The officers said to stay here. I know it's hard but–"

I spin to face him, already feeling guilty for the anger that is about to rage through me.

"HARD? You have no fucking idea." I immediately regret the words but can't stop. "Maybe you should go home. I'm sorry Lawson, I — I need to — I know you're trying to help, I appreciate it, I just... I can't right now." I shake my head, tears streaming down my face.

"You're not thinking straight, Nadine. I know you want to be out there, but the best thing to do is hang tight. Tara is out there, the officers..."

"It's not enough, dammit! He's only ten. He's out there, maybe alone, maybe with his jackass of a father spilling lies about me. I don't know." I squeak my last words. "All I know is that I need to find him. I have to make things right."

"You're doing nothing wrong," he says, his voice on the edge of anger.

"Clearly, I am if he's run away. Maybe I'm not mature enough to handle things. Handle my kids, my ex, you. My brain is —"

When I glance up into his eyes, the hurt behind them sparkles. His brows knit tightly together, and he retreats his hand from me. It's like he's seeing someone else standing in front of him. I'm going to screw this up like I do everything else, might as well let it all go now.

The man in front of me left his show, even though it was practically over, he left for me, and now here I am telling him to back off. That really does make me immature. I thought I was ready to move on, to handle my kids and a relationship, but it's becoming more and more obvious that I can't. I should step back and reevaluate things. Lawson and I jumped into this way too fast, and it kept me from paying attention to all the signs, and now Jackson is just gone.