Apricity {~the white widow~}

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We were sitting in a blue pick up truck when the silence was broken again by Natasha.
Since our departure from the mall, nobody even uttered a word. The silence was anything but comfortable, but I tried to sleep nevertheless.

I knew that sleeping was dangerous in our situation but I simply couldn't hold my eyes open for a second anymore. My eyelids weighted down heavily, so I granted them their wish and closed them for a minute.

But my mind was not up for a short nap. It was running in circles trying to find a solution for my current situation. Hydra trying to hunt us down, Madame B probably plotting my execution, S.H.I.E.L.D. being involved in this misery and on top of all that I was to much of a coward to tell my own mother the truth.
I spent all my life trying to imagine our reunion as a beautiful and magical moment, but the truth hit harder than expected.
The moment I had everything in in arms length, I couldn't bring myself to embrace it. Knowing a mother was always a fantasy to good to be true. I longed for my father for 15 years now, but knowing he's happy made me reconsider reuniting with him earlier in the year.

But a daughter always looks for a mother figure. Even if it's a cruel headmistress. After all the things Madame B made me do, all the trauma I had to live trough, I always sought for her approval. For her to feel proud of me.
However now with my biological mother sitting literally in front of me, everything felt wrong. I felt distraught. My emotions were all over the place and I couldn't gather a straight thought that came close to making sense.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Where did Captain America learn how to steal a car ?" Natasha asked teasingly.

I peaked through my eyelashes at the two Avengers. Natasha's voice waking me up from my light slumber.
Rogers shifted uncomfortably in his seat when he answered.
"Nazi Germany. And we're borrowing. Take your feet of the dash." He justified, while scolding Natasha at the same time. I rolled my eyes at their childish behavior. I stretched subtly and leaned forward between the front seats.

"Alright, I have a question for you Rogers, which you do not have to answer at all. But I fell like, if you don't answer it though, you're kind of answering it anyway, you know ?" I asked suddenly making their heads turn abruptly in my direction.

"I hope you didn't forget I existed during this very eventful ride, but your surprised faces kind of give it away. I'm hurt you could forget about me this easily. You truly hurt my ego." I whined dramatically.

"What ?" Rogers asked, hinting at my original question, already annoyed by my personality.
Smirking I asked "Was that your first kiss since 1945 ?"

Natasha had to suppress a laugh at my sudden question and tried desperately to stay serious.

"That bad ?" Rogers asked with a raised brow.
"I didn't say that." I defended, holding my hands up in surrender.

"Well it kind of sounds like that's what you're saying. Rogers answered with raised brows.
"No I didn't." I defended quickly. "I just wondered how much practice you've had." I said shrugging my shoulders.

"You don't need practice." Captain Spangles clarified.

"Everybody needs practice." Natasha piped in.

"See I'm not the only one thinking that practice is valid. I mean you wanna impress the girl and not seem like a 15 year old inexperienced virgin. Right?" I said nonchalantly.

"It was not my first kiss since 1945.", Rogers tried to set the record straight, "I'm 95, not dead."

"Then who was your kiss AFTER 1945, cause you don't seem like someone looking for a relationship or a one night stand." I pressed further for information, but Rogers just looked through the rearview mirror at me and shot me an annoyed look. I just could roll my eyes at his unwillingness to share.

"Nobody special though ?" Natasha asked unconvinced.

Rogers sighed. "Believe it or not, it's kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience."

"Well, that's alright. You just make something up." Natasha shrugged.
"What, like you ?" The Captain asked unconvinced.
"I don't know. The truth is a matter of circumstance. It's not all people, all the time. Neither am I." Natasha exclaimed.

"It's a tough way to live." Rogers established.
"It's a good way not to die, though."

After that sentence I completely zoned out. I didn't knew, if this deep talk made me tired or the nap earlier was for nothing, but I was exhausted. I sat back into my seat, let my head hit the headrest and just let my eyes fall close.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're trapped. There's nowhere to run now," he says triumphantly drawing a knife.

Instead of being intimidated, I begin to laugh, doubling over.

His smile wavers and I finally straighten up with a grin tugging at my lips. "I have no need to run. Because you see," I gesture around the small, dimly lit room, "I'm not trapped in here with you."

Faster than he can comprehend, he finds himself somehow disarmed and pinned against a nearby wall, his own knife being held against his throat. I whisper the rest of my declaration in his ear: "You're trapped in here with me, honey."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I jolted awake when I felt someone touching my shoulder. I hastily opened my eyes to have my greenish-brown eyes look into my mother's forest green ones.
With a caring expression resting on her face she lifted her hand carefully and gently brushed my hair off my face.

"We are there" Natasha said gingerly. She let her hand fall back to her side, stepped away from the car and followed Rogers slowly, like she was waiting for me. She shot me a look over her shoulder telling me to not dawdle to much and continued her way.

I stayed seated for a moment. My thoughts immediately run back to my dream. I dreamed about him. Why do I even question why I dreamed about him? It seemed like he's everywhere. In my past, my present and future.  Escaping seemed impossible, but it was not like I wanted to get away from him. I needed him, I craved him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The problem is," he said as he leaned in, "if I kissed you, I don't think I'd be able to stop."

~~~~~~~~~
a/n :
So, I'm back.
Yeah life was so busy I had no time for any new updates, sorry bout that.
But I hope that even though school started again I'm going to be able to continue writing. So sorry in advance if it's gonna take a long time for a new chapter ;)
Hopefully all of you are going to enjoy this chapter.
Don't forget to vote and comment :)

Greetings to y'all
N.K.