𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐑𝐀𝐅𝐄 | Rafe Cameron

TWENTY NINE

029 ~ Toxic Masculinity

RAFES POV

I'm completely and utterly fucked with an F. All I wanted to do in that moment was to look after the girl with all of my life.

When she freaked out that I was staring into her eyes that wondered my face. I knew that to her I was just the boy who teased her for 19 years. A guy that sleeps around to fuck with girls feelings. And that's what I thought. Until the kook princess decided to come and absolutely obliterate that guy.

She was perfect. She is perfect.

Her stupid perfect smile, her stupid personality that manages to piss me off more than I could ever imagine. She could try and kill me, and yet,  I'd still want to get on my knees and beg for her forgiveness.

She's fucked up my life. Forever.

I'll never be able to go to parties and bring a girl home without feeling guilty. Or it feeling the same as what she makes me feel. That's why I need to make her mine. She'll be mine to take home. Mine to take care of. And only mine to fuck.

The thought of anyone else even touching her made me want to pull my hair out. The fact other people have touched her before me makes my skin crawl, and that will never happen again as long as I'm in the picture.

But it can't happen, we can't happen. Ever. Tony. My dad. Her dad. And Sarah, fuck, Lee would do anything in her power to never disappoint her best friend. She'd choose her over me any day.

I wouldn't blame her. I'm a coke addict with a fucked up tendencies. She deserves a guy willing to kill for her. Not like I wouldn't because fuck I would kill everyone who hurt her if I had to. That's why I have to keep up the charade, the one where she thinks I hate her, the one that makes her hate me. As she should. Because I can't have her and neither can anyone else period.

When she walked into my room with that white fucking bikini. I wanted to grind up all my teeth into tiny pieces to ease the tension, but when lees around then it's bound to never happen. I thought about anything to get rid of my boner when lee left. It finally got to a point, the only thing that managed it was me and Topper having sex. Never again will I do that because I felt physically ill.

"Oh finally" My dad shouts, obviously tipsy on whiskey, which was never good. "Hey son why don't you go pour me another drink, yeah?" His empty glass fills my hand. I groan silently.

I notice in the corner of my eye, her. She sun bathing with Sarah and wheezie, and by the looks of it she's letting the youngest braid her hair while she just lays there. The corners of my lips twitch because I catch myself.

I pour the brown liquid into my fathers drink and contemplate wether to poison it or not, yet again, I'm not smart enough to know how to do that. I'm lees words, ya know... because you got kicked out of college for being a ducking dumbass.

I shook my head, shaking off the smile I had stuck to my face. "Why are you smiling, that never happens." The girl grabs a box of apple juice. "Just" I screw the cal onto the glass bottle "happy to be on vacation."

She looks skeptical, but to her there'd be no other reason anyway so I wasn't worried. "Sarah just take your juice and go." I scurry her away, taking the whiskey with me.

I hand the old man his drink "thank you son, Rose was just telling us about the girl your seeing." He nudges me, telling me to step in but I don't. "That's why he's so happy." Sarah chimes, pointing as she casually comes behind me.

"You sure?" Lee buts in and everyone turns to look at her, "still looks like he's got a stick up his ass to me." She shrugs, nonchalantly. Her parents don't seem best impressed though as they give her a mean glare in which she then returns a sassy one sided shoulder lift.

I don't know where this confident Lee came from but I'm loving it to say the least.

Rose waltzers in, slightly tumbling, which explains why she's running her mouth so much, "yep" she pops her P "you know her actually." She tells everyone. Lees head shoots my way, but I was already looking at her, waiting for her reaction. I didn't want the to happen to any of us. But especially Lee.

I had nothing to loose if everyone found out. Lee had everything to loose, and it was because of me.

"I don't think you do actually," I start fiddling with the rings on my hands that where slowly tightening "she doesn't live around here. Besides we aren't seeing each other anymore." I try say as casual as possible. Rose gives me a look and I give her the same back.

"Well what was she like?" Ward interrupts. I look down at my feet when I sense a certain someone staring at me waiting to answer. So I do. "Well... she was beautiful, gorgeous even, sweet, a pain in my ass" I humour and I see everyone smile. But my eyes go to my girl, she was smiling too.

"And I wish I didn't fuck shit up." I say keeping my eyes glued to hers. She nod's reassuring me.

Fuck I love her 10 times more than I did 3 years ago.