Directions in Transition

Chapter 7: Overwhelmed and Misunderstandings

"Dad, uh where are we going?" Mavis asked, rubbing an eye, trailing behind on the sand beach. It was early morning, the sky turning dusk into dawn. They weren't sure why their dad woke them up so early when everyone else was asleep in the inn.

"Were just talking a walk," Carsten replies, without looking back to check if Mavis was still following him. Both their sandals thump against the ground, sand creeps into their toes and Mavis grimaces.

They passed by the closed beach sign, and Mavis starts to get worried.

"Um...Shouldn't we head back first dad? I don't like this."

"Here we are," Carsten turns and smiles, unnaturally and stretched. Never stopping until they reach the shallow waters, salty and ice cold. "Little Olive, want to go to a swim with me?"

"Your scaring me dad. I wanna go back."

Estelle's anxiety starts to creep into everything. He's more jittery after what he heard from clips and fragments of their conversation back at the willow tree. He tries to steady his hands and not look like he's mentally overwhelmed with thoughts. His worries that his monsters would come back if Theo's not there to tell. If Theo decides to stay with him as a burden forever. But Theo promised he would.

So he shouldn't be jealous, right? It was just a new friend, he wasn't sure who Theo was talking to from the back of the tree. And the voice sounded androgynous enough so he couldn't tell. Maybe it was on purpose. Estelle remembers searching for videos on how to make his voice naturally deeper in conversations to not get too dysphoric about his voice. And he keeps some of those tips to use with new strangers that he hasn't talked to before, it slips in and out of conversations, and Estelle never cared when it came to that. What a lie.

Estelle should keep it hidden, tuck the growing and ugly feelings of envy and jealous before assuming anything again. Last time he messed up big time, thought Leah and Theo were dating and got really insecure. 

Theo didn't hate him afterwards but maybe that only showed how forgiving he was of a person? The whole thing was later kept quiet, and Theo forgets how Estelle arrived to the whole ordeal in the first place. He was jealous and the feeling worsened, scared of being abandoned by the one real friend he had.

Estelle chewed on his thumb, considering. Maybe it was a random chance, and they were just close classmates? Theo really needs to be here for this. Don't believe anything until he makes it clear with Theo.

He shared a fifth period with Theo, both having their second elective as an ag class. Maybe he should stop worrying and just ask then.

The first bell rings, clearing Estelle's head slightly. He sighs, rolls his head around his shoulders and refills his steel water bottle. He really hopes it's not the same mistake as Leah's case.

"It's cold," Mavis shivers as they get halfway in the waters. It was freezing and uncomfortable, the top water was already touching their stomach. "Can we go back now?"

"Not yet," Carsten walks deeper, splashing more droplets around. It sprinkles and tastes like sand. He turns a glance at Mavis and smiles when he sees that they're still behind him, sticking in the more shallow end. Carsten thinks that the spirits lead them there tonight, it was beautiful and their going to be happy with blood in the waters.

"It's really cold," Mavis coughs, breathing harshly. "I can't feel my toes anymore." They try getting up and going back themselves, before Carsten's hand grips their arm tightly.