Guns (Number Five X Reader)

33 - The Old Bastard Finally Dies

Me and Five stood alone in the Infinite Switchboard room. The wind was pulling at our clothes, the snow was making us shiver, the whole building was threatening to collapse on on us, as was the rest of the universe and time itself. I didn't know what else to do, I grabbed Five's hand.

"You know I could kill for some scrambled eggs right now." Lila said as she walked in.

I dropped Five's hand and walked away. I kicked a chair across the room. "Fuck!" I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, wishing for a cigarette and a drink.

"What's her problem?" Lila asked.

"This is bigger than the timeline Lila." Five said.

"What's bigger than the timeline?" Lila asked.

"The entire universe." Five said. "Missing dogs, people. It's the opposite of the big bang. Instead of the universe expanding, it now collapsing in on itself."

"Like a prolapsing rectum." Lila said.

"Why are you like this?" I asked her, pulling a cigarette out of my pocket.

"But it is like a prolapsing rectum?" Lila said, looking between us.

"It's an odd analogy but yeah." Five said.

"Here then." Lila held up a book and handed it to Five. I inhaled deeply into my cigarette before walking over to Five and reading it with him, blowing smoke out at Lila as I passed.

"The Master Handbook." Five said.

"The one and only." Lila said, sitting on a desk.

Five opened it and I put the cigarette in my mouth. He flicked through till he found the Grandfather Paradox page.

"Here we are. Okay, protocol; in the unlikely event of the Grandfather Paradox the founder and any essential personnel should-"

Lila walked over and took the book. I took the cigarette out my mouth and blew the smoke out. Putting it back in afterwards.

"Be immediately remanded to operations bunker." Lila finished. "The founder. What founder?"

"I don't know." Five said. They both looked at me.

I blew the smoke out and sat on the edge of the desk, taking the cigarette out my mouth and dropping my hand in my lap.

"No idea, no one ever mentioned them, however, due to my amazing problem solving skills I can deduce they founded the Commission. Any essential personnel would probably be the Board of Directors and the second in command. Like Herb and The Handler and those guys." I smoked and dropped my hand back down. "That's it. No idea where this operations bunker is."

Another part of the ceiling collapsed and we jumped back, except me sat on a table. I blinked the dust out my eyes and coughed it out my throat.

"We need to find that bunker," Five said.

"ASAP." He and Lila finished.

I stared at them blankly before getting up and walking out. Five followed close behind.

"Jinx." Lila said. "A b c 1 2 3. Personal padlock."

"Can you not-" Five started.

"You can't speak!" Lila yelled.

"It's like runnin' a nursery." I muttered.

"I'm older than you." Five said.

"YOU CAN'T SPEAK!" Lila yelled. Five opened his mouth to speak but I covered it with my hand, wanting Lila to shut up.