In Between (LGBTQ+)

Chapter Two- Quiet Surrender

"His name's Curtis, he's nineteen, he goes to art school in Owldown and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him."

David said this rather loudly, turning a few heads in the coffee shop that we'd claimed as our own. It was the first week of summer before year thirteen and we'd been set so much homework that none of us had planned on having any fun. After being practically ditched at pride, spending my Saturday evening revising with Faye and David hadn't been the most ideal plan, but at least the place had good hot chocolate.

Faye sipped her cappuccino and raised an eyebrow. "You know pride was two days ago, right? How many conversations have you even had since then?"

"Like, tonnes. We called all night last night."

"And you realise he's nineteen and you're still sixteen?"

David glared at her past his glasses. "Seventeen in August."

I turned to the right page in my Psychology textbook and began scribbling down answers to the questions, drowning them out once again. Faye had practically interrogated me on the train journey home about where I'd been, making it seem like I'd been evading them, so I gave her almost nothing. I hid the card in my phone case and tried to forget about it.

The small bell hanging from the door of Petal's Pastries chimed, indicating someone had walked in. I automatically turned my head and felt a sense of relief at who had showed.

Lavender Hawken, my History buddy and arguably my only true friend, was guiding her little sister through the front door when she noticed us. She grinned at me past her ridiculously long blonde hair and began heading towards me.

"Hey Say! Funny catching you here!"

"Do you want to sit with us?" I asked, probably a little too desperately.

Carmen, one of Lavender's three younger sisters, pulled the seat beside me. "Whatcha doing?"

"Revision, sadly."

"In the holidays?"

"Welcome to sixth form kid. Stay in primary school forever."

Lavender smirked and sat down opposite us, letting a waitress take her order before shrugging her thin coat off. "The things I'd do to go back to primary school, even though I hated it at the time."

I noticed Faye's silence beside me and turned to look at her; She was eyeing Lavender up with the same level of judgement she gave most new people, possibly even a little more. She stuck a hand out and forced a half smile.

"Faye Foster. I don't think I've seen you around the sixth form area?"

Lavender shook her hand a little awkwardly, clearly taken aback. "I moved to town half way through the school year, so I haven't been there too long really. I think we're in the same Biology class?"

Faye thought on this a moment while I fought the urge to kick her under the table. I hated when she acted like this, like she was better than everyone.

"You sit in the back, don't you?"

"Uh... Right at the front."

"Of course you do." Faye sipped her drink and checked her watch, "Look at the time! David, we should probably get back to yours soon."

David began collecting his things; I didn't bother asking where they were going this evening. I was already tired from one hour of socialising with them and didn't want to be roped into a second.

I waited for them both to pay and leave before exhaling loudly. Lavender burst into laughter.

"I see what you mean about her- a bit intense, isn't she?"

"David's almost worse sometimes, he lets her get away with it."

"Why doesn't she like me again?"

"It's not personal, trust me. I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me either."

Carmen's order arrived: A fancy chocolate milkshake with lots of marshmallows and sprinkles and a small sausage roll. She took a sip and looked up at me. "Big school sounds confusing."

I didn't doubt for a second that Carmen would be fine in secondary school. She was just year four, so had plenty of time to grow and mature, but was already way ahead of the other people in her class. She'd always been a switched-on kid, sensitive and empathetic. I can't take favourites because Lavender's family have been so good to me, but I've always had a soft spot for her.

All of a sudden, Lavender began smiling, leaning across the table and taking my hand.

"Have I told you the good news yet?"

"I don't think so?"

"Don't look so scared, I said it was good news! You know that new University that just opened up in St Howard's, the one I told you about with the amazing science course?"

"Yeah?"

"Well... They gave me an interview. I haven't even taken my A-Levels yet and they're interested in me! They're trying to encourage more girls to go into STEM subjects and they were really interested in the shadowing I did with doctors before I moved here. They think I'd be a great candidate!"

I'd not thought too much about my future. I hadn't even decided what course I was going to do. There was English Lit and Creative Writing, something I'd been interested in since I was a kid, or I could take History or Psychology, but I wasn't passionate about these things the way Lavender was about hers. She'd known from a young age that she wanted to be a surgeon some day, however long it took.

Another thing to worry about this year.

"Oh wow, that's awesome. You deserve an opportunity like that."

"Thanks!" Lavender studied my face for a moment before adding, "So do you. And you'll get one, when you start reaching out to places. I just know it."

I finished my drink and closed the textbook I'd only recently opened. "I should probably go soon. Mum will want me home."

"Was it something I said?"

"It's not you, I've just got a lot to do at the moment. Sorry. Raincheck?"

I tried not to feel guilty at the look of disappointment on her face. "Yeah, of course."

I ruffled Carmen's hair and grabbed my rucksack, paying for my order and swiftly leaving. Usually the sun would be almost set by now in our small, dark town, but the summer sun still burned down on me as I walked the short journey home. I pushed my earphones in and turned them high, drowning all of my feelings in the melody.

***

When I was younger, I kept a frequent journal. I wrote about everything I thought and felt, everywhere I went, everyone I met. I remember thinking that this stuff was important, that one day someone would care if I kept recording it. I'm not so sure I want to remember things anymore.