CELESTIAL FLOWERS ( s. gojo )

arc vi ━ chapter ii. frailty

a r c vi.

❝ who are you?

are you tool, thief, or girl? ❞

━━ chapter ii. frailty

KOYAMA KAZUKO IS A STRONG GIRL. All the elders have told her that strong people do not cry. And yet Kazuko can never find the task to do so easily.

She received a letter from the elders. Curt sentences filled with their displeasure towards her physical examinations. They do acknowledge her written examination results, but "the results from a piece of paper will not exorcise curses and carry out your duties," and she frowns. Almost crumples the paper, but she refrains from doing so. Spending time away from the estate has made her particularly questioning. Seeing Gojo and Kiyoshi and Hayami being in control of their lives makes something churn inside of her.

Her previous correspondence had asked how Erisu was doing, but the letter that returned clearly stated that Erisu did not want anything to do with her as she was too busy with her duties. She will call when you are needed. And you are not needed at the moment.

She calls, but only short words are exchanged. And Erisu ends it immediately, telling her she has to practice as the ceremony is almost upon them.

"But Eri..." Kazuko whispered even when the phone beeped signaling the end of the call. "It's been a week since my birthday and you forgot..."

It haunts her mind. Erisu. Erisu who's been her sworn sister. That Erisu was her best friend in the entire world. It feels like she's drifting apart. They're at sea and Erisu is sailing away and Kazuko tries to move, tries to swim towards her, but she's erected tall walls wrapped with thorns. Walls that no one could weather nor scale. It hurts. It hurts a lot and it leaves her absentminded for the majority of her lessons. She declines all requests to grab snacks with her classmates and wanders. Her feet takes her to one of the secluded spots on campus, underneath a gigantic tree whose shade somehow comforts her. She sits on the grass and stares at the marks made along the bark of the gigantic tree. Erisu who's been her other half for years and years.

Kazuko feels like she could die.

"Kazu," she hears a voice say. She doesn't turn around; she simply stares at the tree bark and it's only when Gojo sees her face that he reaches for something- it's only when she feels. His thumb moves to the corner of her eyes and she blinks, fazed by the closeness of his face. "Why are you crying?"

"Huh?"

The tears flow once more and they're a torrent of teardrops. They blur her vision and she doesn't know why. There are times when her actions aren't dictated by logic, and this one definitely belongs to that class. It's Gojo's open arms, that gentle expression on his face, and those eyes that remind her of summer skies and ocean waves. She buries her face into his chest and sobs.

Ugly sobs draw snot and it's such a crude feeling, but the thought of leaving snot and tears on one of Gojo's expensive tops is somehow comforting.

"There, there," he murmurs and begins patting her hair. It only draws more tears.

Kazuko's lost track of the time she spent sobbing into his chest and when logic sinks in, she detaches herself away from him and buries her head on her knees. A mix of shame and sadness stops her from facing him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.

"No..."

"Okay." And he lies on the grass next to her, watching the tangle of branches in the tree canopy.

Silence. Kazuko's not sure if he left, but when she steals a glance to her right, Gojo is still there. He's not asleep, he's just simply toying with the blades of grass next to him.

"Gojo-san," she begins. Her voice has cracked and it's hoarse and improper. "A friend of a friend-"

"It's Erisu, isn't it?"

"No..." A pause. "Yeah."

She thinks of Eri again and that inscrutable wall she's built to ward Kazuko away. "Do you think Eri is pushing me away?"

Deep in her heart, she knows the answer. She knows it, but she doesn't want to come face to face with the truth.

"Do you want me to lie to you?"

She shakes her head.

"Then the answer is yes."

"..."

"You okay, twerp?"

She shakes her head again.

"I didn't want to believe it at first," Kazuko murmurs, her voice low. "I just pushed it into the back of my mind. The thought of Eri, of all people, pushing me away is just so..."

A breeze passes. The blades of leaves rustle as they brush against each other. Kazuko stares. "We've been together since we were kids," she whispers, tries not to remember their first meeting. Nervous, giddy Kazuko and Erisu who looked ahead with that composed smile on her face. "We've shared almost everything and yet Eri's... she's pushing me away..."

"She's scared," Gojo says and remembers the haunting look on Erisu's face as he carried Kazu's bleeding form. His tone of voice is succinct. The implications behind his words are spears that stab straight through her chest. "And guilty. Maybe angry too."

"I don't understand," Kazuko replies through the pain shaking her head. "I don't understand at all."

Gojo sighs. "It's not my place to tell you," he says. "The correct step to take would be to confront her yourself. Talk to her. Ask her."

A smile from Kazuko. The faint curls of her lips reveal so much untold emotion. A smile filled with bitterness and pain. Hoping and waiting and wishing for something that will never be fulfilled. A prayer to devote a hundred thousand paper cranes to, all the wish plaques on the shrine walls and the letters on the tanabata tree. I just want to go back to the way we were before. I don't want nightmares and fear and being apart from Erisu. No more ignoring and hiding and hating. Please let me go back.

"How can I?" The mere thought renders her crying again, streaks of warm teardrops running down her cheeks. "When she's running away from me..."

Gojo doesn't say anything. He's not one to be particularly fond of emotion. Having kept his own hidden behind humor and arrogance. Beneath his laughter and smiles and smirks. So he says the only words he can manage: "Come sob into Gojo Satoru's arms again, why don't you?"

Kazuko stares at him, in that deadpan look of hers and opts to bury her head on her folded knees. A few seconds pass before an answer escapes her lips. "Please refrain from saying such unpleasant things."

"Ah, it's an honor to have me comfort you, you know?" he says it in the typical Gojo way and pats his chest. "I'm the strongest afterall."

Kazuko doesn't reply for a few seconds and before he can say anything, a single word escapes the confines of her teeth. "Handkerchief?"

"Huh?"

She looks at him with those tear-stained eyes, raw and red from crying. "Aren't you supposed to offer a handkerchief to crying girls?" He leans his head to the side in surprise. "You know, handkerchiefs, in shoujo manga, don't they offer handkerchiefs?"

"You put snot and tears into my brand new shirt, you know?" Gojo exclaims. "I held you in my chest for minutes. Isn't that supposed to be enough? You really are ungrateful."

Stare.

"Would you like to cry in my arms again?" he teases.

"Declined," she tells him. "And, Gojo-san, your cologne is too strong that it hurts my nostrils."

He tries to smell his cologne. The one from some French brand he can't pronounce without tripping on his tongue. "It's just a normal amount, I'll have you know. This is an expensive, luxury brand!"

"It doesn't matter if it's from a luxury brand," she tells him. "It really stinks."

"This is Utahime's influence!" he concludes. "Your mind's been poisoned by that woman's teachings."

"Don't bring her into this," Kazuko says pointedly. "Utahime-san has nothing to do with the unpleasant odor your cologne has. Please don't bring any disrespect into her name."

"You're even taking offense for her," Gojo accuses. "What the hell? You two aren't even related!"

"I respect Utahime-san a great deal." Kazuko tucks a strand of her hair that fell over her face behind her ear. "She's strong and beautiful."

"Where's the respect for Gojo Satoru? The strongest and most handsome Jujutsu sorcerer there ever is!" He points to himself. "Don't you respect me?"

"You're a ten in my book."

Gojo meets her gaze. "Out of ten?"

Kazuko smiles at him. "Out of a hundred."

He turns away.

How unfair, he thinks. For her to lambast his entire existence with that smile on her face. That stupid smile. It's not even anything breathtaking. Her eyes are red from crying, there are remnants of snot in one of her nostrils and that 'smile' is her barely lifting the corners of her mouth in an indiscernible amount. And yet Gojo wants to treasure it forever. Kazuko doesn't smile at him. But she just did and his whole world is shaking.

"I just comforted you, how come I'm just a ten?"

"You used to be a five."

"How horrible is your image of me?!"

"It was on the negatives when I first met you..."

"I'm taking the ten," he tells her and pokes her forehead with his pointer finger. "You finical, stone faced girl."

"Finical?" she asks as she shoves away his finger. She's been getting better at reacting toward physical advances, but she'd rather not be touched. The memories are still there, and sometimes they haunt her in nightmares. Kazuko wants to think that she's healed, but how could she when even after days of prosperity, there's a prospect of dark rooms and cold metal invading her mind? "When have I ever been finical?"

"Oho, like all the time?" Gojo tells her. "With the people you like. It's probably only Erisu and maybe even Utahime."

"That's untrue," she says. Her tone is unlike her usual tone. It sounds light, maybe she's being playful? No way, Gojo thinks, no way in hell. "I like you a great deal."

Fuck. She has to be lying. It's the tone she's using. This isn't Kazuko who's modeled after cold, marble statues. This must be some kind of prank.

"You're joking..."

She nods and looks up with earnest silver eyes. "Did I get you?"

He tries to poke her forehead again, but stops midway, and rests his hand back on his side. "Not even a little bit. You're years to early to fool me." Kazuko sees it but doesn't say anything. A quiet thanks. "And what's with you cracking jokes? Did you get possessed by a curse?"

"It's your influence," Kazuko answers. "A bad influence."

Gojo's about to say something about influence when it settles on him. "Hey wait, if you're just joking about liking me, does that mean you don't like me?"

"Do you want me to lie to you?"

He narrows his eyes at her. She has that smile on her face again. It's not cute at all. It's smug and he wants to wipe that off of her face. "Don't use my words against me, Kazuko."

"I tolerate you, Gojo-san," she tells him. "When I'm feeling generous, it's acceptance. I accept you sometimes, Gojo-san."

"Ah... you wound me," he says. "You just wounded me. What a horrible girl. After all I've done for you. This is bad. I think you need to console me with food."

"Food?"

He stands up and reaches a hand out to her. "Yeah, it's almost dinnertime and if we stay here any longer, you'll be bitten by mosquitoes."

"I am feeling for some ramen."

"I want something sweet."

"That's hardly appropriate for dinner, Gojo-san."

"Fine, let's go to a sweets cafe."

A sigh. "You're not compromising, are you?"

"Nope," he says and gestures for her hand. "I want cheesecake and boba."

There's still a miasma of negative energy hovering over her head. Thoughts of Erisu and the aching that comes with the reality that her best friend is pushing her away. But for now, maybe it's okay to breathe. "And you call me finical."

Kazuko takes Gojo's hand.

━━ to be continued.

i. when i was writing, i think this was one of the first ten chapters i wrote. i don't write in chronological other, but i knew that this scene would be on the last bits of the story. i really liked the dialogue, but now looking back it's uhhh... kinda cringey, but i had fun when i was writing it and that's what truly matters!