Tainted Love || l.s. ✓

Chapter 8

please leave some wonderful comments

(for some reason this unpublished so I had to republish but chapter 9 is now out)

Harry pressed his fist against his mouth, muffling a sob as he squeezed his eyes shut.

His body was pressed against the cold bathroom tiles, and droplets of blood dotted Harry's wrist.

Harry had tried to sleep. He really had, but hours upon hours of laying awake with his thoughts had eventually gotten to be too much for him. He had made his way to the bathroom, grabbing the blade from his washbag.

He hadn't hurt himself in a while. He had managed to stop himself from returning to old habits, but lately things had been getting bad again. Everyday that blade was calling his name, and now he had finally listened. He resented himself for it.

And now he was crying so hard that he thought he could throw up. His stomach was in knots, his arms were throbbing, and his legs were weak. He was incredibly glad that he was alone right now, because he was fully aware that he was a mess.

His eyes were swollen and red, pinched shut as his head was thrown back with the pain of his heart. His lips were cracked and crimson, pressed against his knuckles as his teeth sunk into his skin. The moon peered in through the window, casting him in pale light.

Harry didn't feel he deserved to feel like this. It wasn't as though he had had some sort of traumatic life. His parents had divorced when he was younger, sure, it was a little messy, yeah, but it wasn't a big deal. He didn't get along with his dad too well, but nor did many people. He had an ex or two that had maybe damaged his self esteem a little more than he cared to admit, but he had had some issues before that. So no, he hadn't had a traumatic life, so he really shouldn't be sat on the bathroom floor with bloody wrists.

It took a while, but eventually Harry managed to calm down. He found himself going slack, slipping ever so slightly down the wall. His head felt light as he pushed himself up from the floor, grabbing the bandages from under the sink. He wrapped up his arm, wincing at the sting of the pressure.

He stood in the mirror for a second, whimpering at his reflection. He scrubbed at his eyes, averting them as soon as he removed his hands and traipsing back to his room.

He pulled his blanket around himself, holding a cuddly bear to his chest as he curled up into a ball. At least he had exhausted himself so he would be able to sleep.

//

"Morning Harry." Zayn smiled from the sofa as Harry emerged from his room.

"Morning." Harry smiled back softly, wandering over to the kitchen. "Tea?"

"Oh, yes please." Zayn nodded, standing up and walking over the window where he lit a candle. "Bit gloomy out."

"Think it's gonna rain?" Harry looked up to Zayn as he dropped teabags into two mugs, flicking the switch on the kettle.

"Probably." Zayn said, "I mean, look at those clouds."

"Bugger." Harry moved to put a slice of bread in the toaster. "I was gonna go to the park."

"Shit weather for that." Zayn clicked his tongue. "I'm just going to stay in and get a start on an assignment."

"I might do the same." Harry shrugged, grabbing the kettle as the switch flicked back up and pouring the boiling water into the mugs. "I've already got a fair bit of work to be doing."

Harry let the tea brew for a little, buttering his toast whilst he waited, before removing the teabags and adding a splash of milk. He carried the mug over to Zayn before taking a seat at the kitchen island.

"Niall's just texted. He wants us to go over tonight." Zayn held up his phone. "Weekly board game night apparently."

"Since when have we had weekly board game night?" Harry tilted his head.

"Since tonight apparently. He wants us to bring snacks."

"Okay." Harry shrugged. "I look forward to it." Zayn was looking at Harry expectantly, as though he was sure that Harry hadn't finished what he was saying. "Um, will Louis be there?" He added and Zayn let out a snort.

"I was waiting for that. Most likely, he does live there."

"I no longer look forward to it." Harry huffed. "Do I have to go?"

"Yes Harry. You do. You can't miss out on shit because of one person."

"Okay." Harry breathed out. "So, assignment then games night."

"Yep." Zayn popped the 'p'.

//

Harry stretched, his eyes closed and his hair messy. He placed his laptop on the coffee table before standing up and stretching again.

"Harry, we should leave in 10." Zayn ambled into the room.

"I just need to get changed." Harry nodded, "jeans or joggers?"

"Joggers. It's just a chill in the house kinda thing." Zayn told him.

Harry quickly changed into a pair of black joggers and a white knitted jumper, untucking his pearls and cross necklace. He ruffled his hair before grabbing his bag and joining Zayn by the door.

//

"Hello." Harry wrapped his arms around Niall, squishing his cheek into Niall's shoulder.

"Hey Haz." Niall rubbed Harry's back. "How are ya?"

"I'm alright, how are you?" Harry replied, pulling back.

"Wonderful, I can't wait for our game night." Niall grinned, "come on in and we can start."

Harry walked past, waving at Liam who was stood with Zayn...and Louis. Harry suppressed a groan, walking to the sofa and sitting in his favourite spot.

"I was sat there." Louis spoke up, looking at Harry with a bored expression.

"Well you're not now." Harry replied, tucking a leg beneath himself.

"Ladies, let's try to keep the bickering to a minimum please." Niall crossed his arms, giving the pair a firm look.

"What game are we playing?" Harry asked.

"Monopoly?" Niall grabbed the box from the bookshelf, holding it up with a tilt of the head.

"Only if I can be the dog." Louis grinned, and Harry pouted. He had wanted to be the dog.

"Cat, Harold?" Niall held the cat figurine out, noticing Harry's pout.

Harry took the cat happily. At least it was still an animal.

They started to play their game, Harry trying to pay close attention, though every now and then he drifted away.

"Oi, it's your turn. Oi, you curly cunt." Louis tried to get Harry's attention. Niall let out a snort at that. Harry snapped back to reality, registering what Louis had said.

"What the fuck did you call me?" Harry glared.

"H, calm down." Zayn rested a hand on Harry's knee.

"Could've got my attention a bit more politely, couldn't you? Wanker." Harry grabbed the dice, rolling them a little too aggressively.

"Well what do you want me to call you?" Louis feigned innocence. "You've got curly hair and you're a cunt."

"Louis." Liam said quietly and Louis sighed.

"You two, please stop fighting like cats and dogs." Niall said, obviously trying not to laugh.

Harry looked to him, "Niall, you are not funny."

"I thought that was quite funny." Niall shrugged.

"So did I." Zayn bit the inside of his cheek, his eyes full of amusement.

"Just a little bit." Harry murmured, giving in a little.

"Thank you Haz!" Niall beamed, leaning over and flinging his arms around Harry exaggeratedly, pressing a sloppy kiss to his cheek.

Harry mewled, wiping at his cheek. "Gross!"

"Love you." Niall grinned.