Tainted Love || l.s. ✓

Chapter 36

heyyy here's a christmas treat, merry christmas xx

Harry and Louis stayed like that for a little while- Harry pressed into Louis's side and Louis stroking over Harry's shoulder.

Eventually though, Louis caught sight of Harry's forearm. Harry hadn't wrapped it up enough, and so blood was seeping through.

"Harry," Louis broke the silence.

Harry looked up, giving a small hum in response.

"I think your arm needs wrapping up a little better." Louis's voice was soft.

Harry shrugged. "It'll be okay. I'm not very good at it."

"You're bleeding through though?" Louis frowned. "Look, come on. I'll do it if that's okay?"

"'kay." Harry murmured. "You can't laugh though."

"I wouldn't laugh at that." Louis said firmly. "There's nothing to laugh about."

Harry shrugged again.

"Come on Harry." Louis removed his arm from Harry's shoulders, standing up from the bed. Harry reluctantly followed, trailing slowly behind him. They entered the bathroom and Harry sat on the lid of the toilet, watching as Louis shut the door behind them. "Where are your bandages?"

"Washbag."

Louis unzipped Harry's washbag, grabbing the bandages from the top and zipping it back up.

Harry held his arm out for Louis, dropping his gaze to his knees as Louis began to unravel the bloody bandages.

Louis winced as Harry's cuts came into view. They looked painful as fuck.

"Have you cleaned them?" Louis asked and Harry shook his head.

"No." He said in a small voice.

"They're pretty deep, I think cleaning them would be a good idea. Am I alright to do that for you?" Louis rested his hand across Harry's.

Harry finally looked up. "Yeah. That's okay." Louis turned around and Harry lifted his free hand up, rubbing at his eyes which had grown teary.

"Is there a first aid kit somewhere in here?" Louis asked, oblivious to Harry's tears.

"I don't know." Harry responded, his voice all choked up. "Maybe in one of the drawers."

Louis found it immediately, taking out an antiseptic wipe to clean around the cut. As he turned back to Harry he paused, noticing the tears.

"Hey, you're alright." Louis's voice was tender. "You're okay Harry."

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to be doing this. You shouldn't have to be putting up with this. I'm fuckin' embarrassed."

"I offered to do this." Louis replied. "You're not forcing me to. I don't mind, okay?"

"Okay, I'm sorry. Okay." Harry nodded, sniffling as he wiped at his eyes again.

Louis gave him a gentle smile as he opened a wipe, bringing it to the skin around Harry's cuts. He then guided Harry towards the sink, rinsing at the cuts.

Harry winced, retracting his arm as he clenched his hand into a fist. He breathed through his teeth, holding his hand back out. "Sorry, just stung a bit." Harry said apologetically.

"It's okay. You don't have to apologise for that." Louis told him gently, grabbing a towel and gently dabbing at his wrist. "Right, I'll bandage it up and we'll be all done."

Harry's eyes flickered up to Louis's as he whispered a "thank you".

Louis nodded, giving him a small smile as he began to bandage up Harry's arm. Harry shut his eyes. He had been looking at his cuts for too long, and the urge was beginning to return. As Louis covered them up, his chest grew tight. He wanted to see them. He needed to see the blood against his skin.

He pressed his lips together. He couldn't cry, not again. Sharply he inhaled through his nose, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Louis, I can't-" He started, cutting himself off as his breath caught in his throat, "I can't, I need to see them."

"But I'm almost done?" Louis looked confused.

"But I, I- fuck, it doesn't hurt enough, I need to hurt, I need to-" And though Harry had told himself he wouldn't cry again the tears immediately started to flow.

Louis quickly finished off the bandaging before standing up, holding Harry's head to his chest. "It's okay, you'll be okay."

The tears were soaking through Louis's t-shirt but Louis didn't care. He just held Harry's head close, carding his fingers through his hair. "Come on, we're all done. Let's go and try and sleep, yeah?" Louis suggested and Harry gave the smallest nod known to man.

Louis wrapped his arms around Harry, helping him up but allowing him to keep his head tucked in.

"Can I stay with you?" Harry whimpered. "I'm sorry, I don't wanna be alone and I don't know, Zayn doesn't know and-"

"Of course you can stay with me."

Louis opened his bedroom door, guiding Harry through. Louis sat on the bed, allowing Harry to sit in a crumpled pile before him. Harry was still softly crying, and so Louis gathered him up in his arms and cradled him against his chest.

"I'm so fucking sorry." Harry's cries grew louder, and Louis's grip got tighter.

"Harry, no, you have nothing to be sorry for. Jesus."

"I fucking, I've been so awful to you and now you're having to deal with fucking this. This is, fuck, I should go. I'm gonna go."

"No you're not. It's okay Harry. You need someone right now and that's okay. And don't act like it's one-sided, I've been awful to you too. But it's over now, isn't it? You don't need to think about that right now."

Harry pressed his fingertips into Louis's shoulders, eyes squeezed shut. "Don't you think I'm a freak?"

"No I don't." Louis said.

"But, like, fuck- fuck, Louis. I fucking- this isn't normal, people don't act like this, they don't-"

Louis traced his fingers across the skin of Harry's neck. "You're not a freak, and you never have been."

Harry hiccuped out a sob, sitting back and pushing a hand through his hair.

God, he looked heartbreaking like this. His eyes were filled with despair, strings of pearly tears rolling down his face. With his nose tinged red, and his cherry lips bitten and bleeding he looked completely and utterly lost.

"You're okay babe, you're going to be okay."

Harry gave a nod paired with a shaky inhale as he repeated Louis's words, "I'm okay. I'll be okay. I'll be okay."

"That's right, you'll be okay." Louis gave him a small, reassuring smile.