Keeping You

Chapter Eighteen

Juliet

His face wasn't clean shaven. His hair wasn't kept. His eyes bags were even more profound. He looked how I felt. Like hell. Like shit.

I couldn't even believe that the man sitting across from me was Simon. This past week felt like torture.

I haven't slept or eaten in a week. I felt like a zombie, barely going through the motions, until Simon reached out to me because he wanted to see me. It was late. Sudden. And I knew I had to meet with him.

The place we used to live in felt strange, like we didn't belong in it anymore since we weren't together anymore. I half-expected someone to kick us out.

His hands were wrung out in his lap, and I wanted to reach out and comfort him, but I couldn't. I had no right.

"Lately, I can't stop thinking about every moment we shared. It must be like karma or something."

He started; his voice raspier than usual like he had been crying for too long. The thought made my already broken heart break once again.

"Remember what we dressed up as for Halloween when we first started dating?"

I nodded. "Salt and pepper. I was salt."

"We were at Gary's house for the party. I think it was like our second or third date. I wanted to act cool and show you that I could get into the hottest parties."

He chuckled. "You were dancing with our friends, laughing loudly, and then when you saw me you ran over to me. You almost tripped trying to jump in my arms. That was when I knew I was in love with you. I fell in love you in that moment."

My throat closed up at that memory and my nose burned.

"Simon, seeing you hurt like this is killing me. We were together for years. You think how I feel for you is gone? A part of me will always love the first man that made me feel loved and special. That part of my heart is yours, but I can't give you all of it. It's not yours anymore."

"I fucked up. I know I did. I know nothing I say can change the outcome because you were unhappy, but you stayed with me. You stuck with me through my shit, and I guess I didn't realize how much it meant to me until now." He said.

"Marriage felt like a chore." I sniffled. "It felt like you were obligated to come home to me because you lived here and not because I was here. I wanted to be your home. Your safe space. I lost myself in trying to please you, in trying to be the best wife I could be. I forgot who I was, Simon."

He gave me a slow nod of his head. "I know. The love we shared was beautiful, but everything in this life has an expiration date. I just wanted to see you one last time. I got a job offer in Oregon and I'm taking it. I think I need a fresh start and a clean slate."

"You found your happiness and as much as I wished it was with me, I need to come to terms that it's not. I'll always love you. Don't forget that. You'll always be the best and most beautiful part of my life."

His voice cracked and I sobbed, my body shaking as I reached over, not caring to squeeze his hand. He tightened his fingers.

"I'll never forget you. Simon, I'm sorry it happened this way. I'm so sorry I cheated. I wish I could take it back so no pain and hurt touches you. I hurt you in the worst way possible and everytime I think about it it hurts to breathe."

He smiled through his tears and released my hand so he could reach for a tissue. He handed it to me.

"It'll take some time to heal myself, to heal the inner child that was hurt all those years ago, but I want you to know that I'll forgive you. Not now, because it still hurts, but one day."

He stood up and went to the closet by the door. He opened a drawer and came back with a yellow folder.

"I had my attorney draw these up." He said, sitting them in front of me. "I don't want anything. Everything that I own here in Manhattan, I transferred it to you."

"My car, your car, the place we shared, and the money in our joined account is all yours. Take it. Don't fight with me on this, please. What you do with it all, I don't care. It's yours and it's there."

I put them on the side and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly, and he let me. He squeezed me to him, crushing me in his arms, while we both cried over what we had and lost.

Love sometimes is temporarily and sometimes it's not. I loved Simon, once, and he'll always have a special place in my heart, but now I finally found my own happiness.

I found it. It was mine. I loved them with everything I am and everything I was. Toby and Caleb were the only ones I wanted to be with, and sitting with Simon made me realize that I did love them.

That I'll always love them because they owned not only my body, but my heart and soul. I signed the papers, and he signed his own.

We didn't speak afterwards. I stepped out of the place I used to call home, and went to where my home actually was. Toby and Caleb's place. Our place.

I drove home faster than usual, needing to be there with them, right now. I parked my car and then ran to the front door.

Unlocking it, I kicked off my shoes and tossed my keys as I went to the living room. They were sitting on the couch and once they saw me they jumped up.

"You were crying." Toby noticed, coming to comfort me.

"Juliet, you okay?" Caleb asked.

I placed one of my hands on Toby's cheek and the other one on Caleb's. Their lips parted from the touch.

"I am okay. Better than okay. I love you. I love you so much. This is where I belong. Right here with you guys. I know it's sudden, but I think I've always known."

Caleb groaned. "We love you, too, baby. Fucking love you so much."

"So in love with you." Toby murmured.