I Hate You More

Little Bastards

Harlen

"I'll be back," I smiled as I tilted my sunglasses to the top of my head, "gonna go out for a smoke."

"Wait," Emerson said, "how's your jaw feeling?"

The punch that asshole landed on me the other day left a really nasty bruise on my jaw, and it hurt like a bitch.

"Still stinging like hell," I shrugged when Emerson sent me a sympathetic smile, "that's alright though. I mean you guys know it's nothing new."

He scoffed and shook his head, "But you shouldn't have to deal with it. Men laying hands on you, shouldn't be something that you've gotten used to."

Emerson pulled me into a hug, and kissed my forehead.

"Stop it," I giggled, "people are gonna think you have a heart."

He pulled back instantly and sent me a smirk, "Oh now we can't have that."

I tapped his shoulder before making my way out of his grip and out the door. I lit my cigarette and then sat down on the steps, and took out my phone.

"Hey!" Phoebe cheered through the phone as she picked up my face time call.

"Hi bestie," I grinned, "I fucking miss you guys."

"Well we miss you more," Phoebe smiled sadly before changing her angle so that Jamie and Renee were in the frame, "right bitches?"

The two girls nodded and waved with huge smiles on their faces.

"How's tour?" Jamie asked excitedly.

"It's good," I sent out a small smile but, everyone could tell that it didn't meet my eyes, "got socked in the face by a random dude though."

"Why are men a thing," Renee rolled her eyes. I didn't give a reaction which caused her face to display sympathy, "Harls?"

"Huh?"

"Is everything ok?" She asked after being handed the phone and walking off with it.

"Yeah, I," I sighed before running my hand down my face, "I don't know. There's so many people who have come out to these shows, and it feels like sometimes their only goal is to make us feel like shit. I'm really trying to take shit with a grain of salt but, it's starting to get to me."

"Aw baby," She sighed, "don't worry about them because you know what? At the end of the day, they're paying money to see you guys so, it might not feel like it but, you're winning."

She was right. It didn't feel like winning. It felt like shit. I was starting to understand why Remington seemed so over it sometimes. It's really hard to pour everything into something, just to have someone walk all over it, and call you nothing.

"I don't know," I shrugged and let out a puff of smoke, "right now it feels like everyone is against us. Even some of the people that are supposed to be supporting us, are just waiting to watch us drown, instead of being there to help us."

"Well, whenever you need someone we're all here for you." She smiled sadly, and walked back to Jamie and Phoebe.

"How's Gi doing?" I asked, clearing my throat in attempt to change the subject.

"She's good," Phoebe nodded, "she's at school but, she told us to tell you she misses you if we talked to you before she got home."

"Well tell her I miss her too."

"Ok I can't take it anymore," Jamie sighed, "how are you and Remington?"

"We're fine," I shrugged trying and failing to keep the smile on my face, "I don't really know what's going on there."

"You're two lonely people," Phoebe shrugged, "you're two lonely people, that no one thinks should be lonely because you're living out your dreams."

I nodded my head to what she said. She wasn't wrong. Sure we were all with each other the entire tour but, it still got lonely sometimes. Especially for someone who had only been a part of the band for four months.

"Maybe," I shook my head, "I have to go though. I'll talk to you guys soon. Love ya."

The three girls sent out a chorus of 'I love you's and then I hung up the phone. I couldn't get our conversation out of my head.

People all around
they watch for us to drown
But god forbid they would help out

Lonely I've been feeling lonely
put me in my place
Breaking, can't you see I'm breaking
Look me in my face

No. That wasn't it. Those weren't the right words, and I knew it but, I also knew it was a start.

"Sebastian," I called out as a eagerly put my cigarette out and rushed into the bus, "Sebastian!"

Sebastian flew out of his bunk with a look of concern, "What is it? What's wrong? Are you ok?"

His words came out fast, and left him out of breath. I sang him the lines I came up with. That pulled a wild grin to his face, "Let me grab my guitar."

I smiled and followed suit, "Rem! Em!"

The boys descended from their bunks slowly prompting me to yell, "Come on fuckers! Get up! Meet me in the back of the bus in two fucking minutes."

"Jesus." Remington yawned.

I grabbed my guitar, and played the melody on it.

"That's sick," Emerson smiled, "I told you. You're starting our next album."

"I don't like these lyrics though."

I tried a couple different things

Fake friends all around
wait for me to drown
but no one is their to help out

"Wait what about this for the chorus." Remington smiled.

Sometimes I've been losing my mind
running out of faith
Lonely I've been feeling lonely
put me in my place

I didn't say anything, just beamed at his voice, "I love it."

He just looked in my eyes for a minute before playing something on his keyboard

Twist and fade
time to get away
I can't take this
I've been a little patient

No escape
I've got to get away a little faster

I chimed in with lyrics of my own

Run you little bastards
Run run, little bastards

Fake friends all around
wait for me to drown
but no one is there to help me

He started the chorus by himself

Sometimes I've been losing my mind
running out of faith

and then I hopped back in behind him

Na, na, na-na na na na
Na, na, na-na na na na

Lonely I've been feeling lonely
put me in my place

Na, na, na-na na na na
Na, na, na-na na na na

"Fuck yea!" Sebastian shouted out of excitement.

"You know what we she do to celebrate this?" I asked.

"I don't know but," Remington let a smirk take over his face, "I think we should get a tattoo."

That's not what I was thinking but, it was better.

"Hell fucking yeah."