butterfly effect. until dawn x reader

5. isolation

(tw: suicidal thoughts and wish to be dead)

After Sam went upstairs, we made our way to the library, the quietest place in lodge we could think of. We set the board up on the table and sat around it. I had always been interested in the paranormal, so why was I so nervous? I had watched tons and tons of videos on YouTube of people playing with these, and it made me want to try it out. I hid my shaking hands under the table. 

"So it says here: 'to communicate with the spirit world you must free your mind of all preconceptions, drop all inhibitions, and generally give yourself over entirely to the will of others, sublimating your every desire to the whims of the Spirit-master,' which is me."

Ashley shook her head. "Chris, it doesn't say that." "...and all present will remove their garments at my sole discretion."

"Chris," I said, slightly irritated. "Alright, alright. Let's do this." All four us placed our hands on the counter.  "Okay. (Y/N) since you're superstitious one, why don't you lead us?" "I'm not superstitious, but sure," I paused. "Um, is...anyone there? Is anyone listening?" "Come on, (Y/N). You can do better than that," Josh looked at me.

 I exhaled. "Okay.

"Can you give us a sign? Can you show us you are here with us?" After I said this the counter jerked, causing all of us to jump. "Josh, did you just do that?" I said, staring wide-eyed at the board. "N...No." "Hold on, it's moving again!" 

H. 

"What is it spelling?!"

E. L. P. "Help?" I asked, still unsure if this is real or one of the other three was trying to fuck with us. Chris, looked at me with disbelief. "How can we help?" "I...I don't know." "Ask who it is."

"Who are you?" It began to move again. W. A. R. N. I. N. G. 

"Holy shit," Josh said under his breath. Ashley was speechless as she stared at the counter. "What the fuck?" "We need to know who you are so we can help you," I said, trying to steady my voice. Chris let out a shaky breath. "Here we go."

S. I. S. T. E. R.

"No." I said. "No."

"Sister? Whose sister?" Josh asked desprately. Chris shook his head. "Come on guys, is this for real?"

"Shut up Chris," Josh ordered harshly. "Ask whose sister?"

I stared at the board as guilt flooded my senses. "Josh...none of us have a sister. It...it can only be..." "Well, which sister then?!" I struggled to find the words to say. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. This was supposed to be harmless. It was supposed to be a little prank. I didn't mean to kill her, I didn't want her to die ohmygodhannahiamsosorry-

"(Y/N)!" Josh and Chris yelled, grabbing my attention. "W...What?" "Ask it which sister," Josh said. I nodded hesitantly. "Hannah...Hannah is that you?" The pointer immediately moved to yes. Ashley let out a cry. Chris looked at Josh with concern. "Dude, do you want to stop?" "No." "Josh, for real, you don't-" "I said I want to keep going." My eyes didn't leave the board. "Hannah. What happened to you?" I said softly. 

B. E. T. R. A. Y. E. D

"No," Ashley cried.

K. I. L. L. E. D. 

I let out a choked sob. "No, oh my God, no." "We didn't mean to kill them! We didn't mean to!" Ashley began to sob, covering her mouth. "Hannah, who killed you?! Who was it?" I cried out desperately. The pointer shook before it moved again. 

L. I. B. R. A. R. Y.

"The library," Chris repeated, confused. 

P. R. O. O. F.

"There's proof in the library?" The pointer flew off the table and into the wall, causing all of us to scream. Chris fell out of his chair. Which would have been funny, but nobody was laughing. We stared at the pointer on the floor in silence, apart from Ashley's soft cries. Josh was the first one to speak. He slowly rose from his chair. 

"You know what? This is bullshit." "Josh, we didn't-" "Listen, I don't know... I don't know if you think messing with me is somehow going to help me with my grief or whatever but this is not cool." "Come on Josh, it wasn't (Y/N)'s fault." "I don't need this, alright? You guys are full of it!" He walked out of the room before we could say anything. I looked up at Ashley. 

"I didn't want her dead," I said softly. Chris and Ashley looked at each other, both unsure of what to say. They both talked about what had just happened, Chris even going as far as to imply that I might have faked it. 

"I didn't fake shit, Chris," I narrowed my eyes. "How the fuck could you say that? Why the fuck would I fake that?" "I'm just saying-" "Well, I didn't okay?" "Yeah. Sorry," he said passively. "What the hell do we do?" He asked. Ashley spoke up. "I think we should go to the library. We should look for the proof." I shook my head. "You guys can go. I need a minute." "Alright. Catch up to us though, okay?" I nodded. I watched them walk away before. "What the fuck," I whispered. I stood from my seat. I needed to wash my face or something, I felt so hot. 

I walked out of the room, entering the hallway. As I was about to head to the bathroom upstairs, I could hear a noise in the other room. The movie room. I hesitantly walked to check it out. When I walked in, the projector was on and playing something. As I watched I recognized it.

 This was one of our old movies. 

Me and Hannah had princess dresses on and were pretending to fight with plastic swords. I "stabbed" her with my sword and she fell to the ground with a 'bleh' noise, sticking her tongue out the side of her mouth. My eyes fixated on the screen, staring at Hannah's face. I killed her. I'm the reason she died. I killed that little girl on that screen. And I'm still here. I wish those pills had killed me all those months ago. I wish those people who sent me all those death threats did it. I would deserve whatever was sent my way. I'm a murderer. I had always just hoped and deluded myself into believing that they would be fine. Hannah and I would make up and we could go back to the way things were in this recording I was watching as it played on loop. I killed Hannah and Beth Washington. 

I heard the door open behind me. I could barely see through my tears. I blinked and saw that someone was in here. A man, I assumed, in a zombie mask and oversized overalls over a light blue shirt. I backed up.

"Who are you?"

He said nothing, but I could hear his deep breathing. "Who the fuck are you?!" He stepped close enough to me that I could reach out and touch him. I instantly turned away and I tried to run back to the door, but he grabbed me from behind and covered my face with a rag with a strong smell on it. I tried to kick and thrash out of his hands but a drowsiness took over me and made my limbs feel heavy. I fought against the urge to close my eyes, but they shut and I fell into unconsciousness.