I always find you

Chapter 08

TK held the basin the nurses had left for Carlos so he could vomit. Now he was doing it almost regularly every half hour, even though he barely had anything in his stomach that he could throw up. When he tried to eat something, not even crackers nor a simple smoothie would stay in his stomach.

The only thing that helped him calm down or at least make it more bearable was having TK next to him, behind him like a pillow, one that surrounded his body, hugged him and made him feel protected and like he was not alone.

After vomiting, his body shuddered and he shivered, TK hugged him tighter and kissed his head, then put a wet towel on his forehead.

TK reached up to take the oxygen cannula which he placed on his face despite Carlos' protests. "Babe, the chills and fever are coming back. You're barely eating or drinking anything, you at least have to breathe right."

"This is a nightmare," Carlos mumbled through his teeth, making a great effort not to let them clatter as they bumped against each other.

"Yes it is, but like all nightmares it will pass."

"Mine don't pass. Every time I close my eyes I'm back there and then I wake up and I'm still in that place where they had me. I don't see the hospital, I don't see the nurses, I see them laughing and making me..."

"Shh..." TK made his hands stray into his husband's now unkempt curls and gave him a kiss on the cheek where a bit of beard was starting to grow. "That's over now, but it's your brain...just your brain that brings it back."

"When... will it be over?"

"It's still a few days away, but you'll see how tomorrow you'll start to feel better."

Carlos looked at his bandaged hands, two objects that were of no use to him. TK covered them with his own and caressed them.

"I promise you the worst is over now."

Nausea made Carlos think otherwise and, tasting bile again for the millionth time, as it was the only thing he was able to vomit, almost made him cry. He pressed his body against TK, closing his eyes as he felt his stomach was turning, screaming at him and squeezing inside him.

It was his third night in the hospital and just when he thought there couldn't be anything worse than the time that passed already, he realized he was still in hell, there seemed to be no end to it.

TK's voice always soothed him when he felt nervous, agitated or sick like now. TK would sing to him and it was lovely to hear him sing in Spanish, that newly learned Spanish with words he made up and stuck in between because it sounded similar to Spanish. Carlos laughed when he heard him sneak in impossible words, but he was amazed at how well he could make them rhyme.

So TK began to sing in little more than a whisper in Carlos' ear, because he was still embarrassed to have anyone hear him, even though both Carlos and Andrea had already told him that he sang really well.

The last song he had managed to learn...more or less...was 'Tú y yo' by Ricky Martin and Carlos closed his eyes, settled tightly against his husband's body and concentrated on his voice to relax, as much as possible, his stomach.

At six in the morning and without either of them having been able to sleep a wink, TK noticed his phone vibrating and saw that it was Andrea.

"It's so early, is everything okay with the kids?"

"Well actually they're the ones who asked me to call you."

"Dad." TK smiled as he heard Gwyn's voice over her siblings'. "Can we talk to Dad? We have to go to school later and we want to see him."