Rain on the Windows | Kuroken

Chapter 13

Kuroo awoke late in the afternoon the next day. The memories of his fight with Kenma played over and over as his brain tried to remember the fuzzy parts.

His head hurt. A lot.

He was undoubtedly hungover, leaving him nauseous and dizzy.

He lay in bed for a moment before feeling a wave of nausea rush over him. Quickly, he ran to the bathroom connected to his room and threw up the remains of alcohol and food in his stomach.

Kuroo slumped against the cupboards behind him, his mind begging for his stomach to stop churning.

As he did this, his thoughts finally began to make sense.

He had screwed up. And it was going to take a lot to fix his mistakes.

But he didn't quite know how.

Kuroo took a quick shower, washing away the rest of the dirty feeling he felt after the alcohol he had consumed. And after changing into clean clothes, he took a painkiller for his head and walked out into the hallway.

He took a quick walk to the kitchen, where Kenma was standing. But the second Kenma saw Kuroo, he turned on his heel and quickly left the room, slamming the door to his bedroom behind him.

Kenma was pissed. And for the moment Kuroo had seen his face, red splotches covered his face with the addition of bloodshot eyes. Kenma hadn't slept at all.

I'm sorry, Kenma.

That is what he wanted to say.

I'm so fucking sorry.

He didn't mean anything that he had said. None of it.

He cared about Kenma more than anything he could imagine. The feeling that he had let Kenma down was tearing him up inside, and he didn't know if he'd ever be able to fix those tears.

~~~

Kenma ignored Kuroo for weeks. And it was beginning to take a toll on Kuroo.

Kuroo had tried everything to try and get to Kenma and get the chance to talk to him.

Kuroo would leave him a note, asking if they could talk.

Kenma threw it away.

Kuroo tried to play a video game with Kenma.

Kenma turned it off and walked away.

Kuroo tried to simply say Kenma's name.

Kenma pretended to get a phone call and walk out of the room.

Kuroo felt empty. Most nights, he cried himself to sleep, knowing that instead of waking up to Kenma's smiling face, he would wake up to greet one that wanted nothing to do with him.

One that wanted him gone.

~~~

A slight drizzle fell from the sky as Kuroo walked back from work on a late Wednesday afternoon. Tokyo was beautiful as ever this time of year, the fresh smell of rain added to the scenery.

The weather had gotten significantly colder over the past few weeks, forcing Kuroo to wear a heavier jacket.

Just another weight that Kuroo desperately wanted to get off his shoulders.

The other was all of the things he needed to tell Kenma. Even if Kenma still hated him after, at least he would have been able to say it.

Instead of taking the elevator up to his shared apartment room, Kuroo decided to take the trek up the stairs. It gave him more time to think.

He slowly shuffled through the hallway when he reached the correct floor, eventually stopping in front of the door.

He fiddled with his chain of keys before finding the correct one and inserting it into the slot.

He slowly opened the door, hoping that Kenma wasn't standing in the kitchen. Kuroo sighed with relief when he saw Kenma instead leaning on the railing of their balcony outside.

Kuroo set his stuff down and quickly changed his clothes into a simple shirt and sweatpants.

He couldn't keep living in this bubble. He had to talk to Kenma, whether Kenma chose to listen or not.

He would never forgive himself if he didn't say something.

Taking a deep breath, Kuroo walked back to the living room and headed for the sliding doors on the far wall.

He opened the door as silently as he could, not wanting to startle Kenma.

Kenma didn't even blink as Kuroo opened and shut the door behind him. Kenma just continued to look out towards their beautiful view of downtown Tokyo. The lights could be seen, but most of the sounds were nonexistent.

The sound of the rain crashing on the ground below them added to the serene setting.

Kuroo leaned against the railing, similar to Kenma's stance. He crossed his forearms over the ledge, clasping his hands together to keep them from shaking.

He was terrified.

But he took a deep breath and reassured himself that if he didn't say anything, nothing would get better.

"I can't keep living like this, Kenma. Please let me talk to you," Kuroo's voice was just above a whisper. At the sound of his voice, Kenma began to pivot to go back in the door.

Kuroo lightly grabbed Kenma's wrist, not wanting to let him leave again.

"Please," Kuroo whispered. Kenma's eyes met his, already sparkling with tears. Reluctantly, Kenma turned and returned to the same leaning position next to Kuroo.

Kuroo sighed, finally achieving the chance to make it up to Kenma, and fix the tears inside of him.

This time, Kuroo took a shallow breath before continuing.