Masked

Chapter 28 HER

Sleep is elusive, not that I desire it anyway. There's no comfort in dreams when time is against you. I pace madly in front of my window, debating. I have to see him. It will be risky, not that I care about the risk it presents to me; it's the risk to him that concerns me.

I taste the blood as it trickles into my mouth, pulsing from the skin on my lip that I just bit into.

"Addalynne." Mother's soft knock and voice interrupts my self-mutilation. I don't turn to face her when she walks in. That would be too distracting. Instead, I stare helplessly out the window, watching the spring storm build outside, feeling much like a prisoner myself. "I'm sorry about Drake," she continues quietly, her voice closer. "But I don't understand why he would have gone after Charles that way."

Don't you? Surely you're not as naive as you seem.

"Unless there's something you've been keeping from us."

There it is—suspicion. Still, I can't let it continue.

"No, Mother. It was just a misunderstanding," I reply emotionlessly.

"Just a misunderstanding, Addalynne? He tried to kill your husband. And that's another issue in itself. Why did you marry Charles without your father and I being there? How could you do that to us? We're your parents. We deserve to be present at your wedding or at least notified of it."

"You were notified of it. You were notified of it nine months ago, when you and father agreed to the arrangement."

"Don't be sharp with me, Addalynne. Besides, I had nothing to do with that. That was your father's bidding, not mine."

"Regardless, Mother, why does it matter?"

"Because I have dreamt of your wedding since the day you were born. I have imagined what it would be like to watch you walk down the aisle on your father's arm, to watch you tie your life to someone who will love and protect you."

My throat constricts. My dreams aren't the only ones that have been killed, and now I feel guilty for taking part in a forced wedding ceremony.

"Why couldn't you wait, Addalynne? There was to be a beautiful wedding in Synereal! Why couldn't you wait?"

"I'm sorry." My voice breaks on the only words I can form. I keep my gaze on the storm outside, watching the white clouds form a blanket for the sky and send heavy snow down to cover us as well. It's late in the year for a snowstorm. Maybe the sky is mourning with me.

"That's all you have to say?"

I turn to face her, my patience having fully run out. "What else is there to say, Mother? It's done! Charles decided this, not me. He didn't want to wait. I did not choose this, and nothing can change it now, so scolding me does little good. Besides, how can you question me about this when Drake's in a cell, injured and alone? Shouldn't he be on your mind? Why aren't you more concerned about him?" Her face is blank with shock at my outburst. I turn back around and again face the window. Guilt creeps its way back up. "I won't talk about Charles or my marriage to him. Now please, leave." I speak sharply, hoping my words will drive her away.

I get my wish, but at the sound of the door shutting, my heart breaks. I don't want to hurt my mother and I don't want to leave her tomorrow. Right now I feel as lost as a child after a nightmare and I want nothing more than for my mother to walk back into my chambers and hold me in her arms. Instead, I grab a lantern from my closet, ignite it with the fire, and pull on my cloak before climbing out the window.

I'm a tornado of contradictions. I wander aimlessly, but with purpose. I'm determined, but lost. I have to find Drake, but I can't reach him. I know that going there is foolish, but I have to try. Still, how will I get to him? It's too risky. If the guards see me, it could bring more punishment to him. But how can I leave him there? If I were the one in prison, he would find a way to see me.