Amile The Queen

Chapter Thirty-Two

***Mandlenkosi Zulu***

His life has become waking up in the odd hours of the morning to vomit. Alcohol is not his friend, that was established a long time ago, but now he’s gotten into a cycle and he can’t stop. He’s letting go of himself, he can see it too, but he just can’t stop.
There is a thunderstorm outside, and the rain is pouring down like it’s the last day of living for all earth species. His head his pounding, but he gets up the bed like that and goes to puke in the toilet. He made it on time, he knows better than to vomit anywhere, the last time he did it, he had to clean it himself and it’s not as fun as consuming the alcohol.
He gets in the shower and let’s the cold water run down his back. He’s shivering from the cold but this is the only thing that will help with waking him up and taking this headache away. Amile’s runny porridge also helped the other day, but he won’t admit that. Amile would definitely ask him why he’s getting drunk in the first place to need it.
Amile. She fears the storm. She’s alone upstairs and she’s probably in panic.
All these things run through his head as he tries to get dressed and get warm. He wants to go check up on her, but he’s afraid, first of all, his face is aching from the punch he got from Jama and now that he is sober, he realizes that he deserved it. He was completely an asshole, maybe she won’t want to see him. But it’s worth a try.
He goes to the kitchen to pour milk and get some cookies for her. This is not good enough for an apology, but it’s a start, he thinks to himself.
He doesn’t knock on the door, he lets himself in. The bed is empty. It’s dark, only the lightning shining through the terrace door every second.
“MaGumede?” he whispers softly.
She’s curled up in a corner somewhere. He can hear her crying. He puts the saucers on the table next to the door and turns on the lights. Her cries get louder.
“Amile?” confusion dwells on his face.
She’s rocking herself back and forth in the corner facing away from the terrace door, crying. She has a blanket over her head. He tries to pick her up but she’s fighting.
“Leave me alone! Leave me!”
“Amile you are going to wake up the whole house.” She’s bawling her eyes out.
She’s still crying, he picks her up and places her on the bed. Another rumble in the sky forces her under the covers. He knew she was afraid of the storm, but not like this.
“Please calm down, nothing is going to happen to you. I’m here.” She kicked him.
“What do you know about protection? You know nothing about being a man!” so it’s not only the storm.
“I’m sorry Amile.” She’s still crying under the covers.
He places his hand on her back and tries to console her. He had no idea how to handle this. He removes the covers and pulls her to his chest. She’s fighting, she doesn’t want to be in his arms bit his hold is strong around her frame.
She gives in and cries on his chest. She’s hiccupping and sobbing all at once. Just when he thinks it’s over, she starts all over again. This is the most gut wrenching thing he has ever experienced.
She cried until she couldn’t and ended up asleep, still hiccuping over her heavy breathing. He placed her on the bed and covered her with a blanket. It was still raining outside, and the storm had calmed down a bit, only a few rumbles at a time.
He got up to leave but she pulled him back by the shirt.
“Don’t go Nkosi.” She whispered.
“Hold me.” She has her eyes closed, she’s deep in sleep.
He sat back down and leaned on the headboard. She crawled up onto his chest once again and she held him like he was going to run away. It felt like home again.
He sniffed her hair and planted a kiss on her forehead. Thousands of thoughts ran through his mind. This is the perfect moment for him.
“I didn’t fight sthandwa sami. I know I didn’t fight and that is why we are here, that is why I am miserable and in so much pain, because I didn’t fight. But Zwelibanzi always gets his way, and I’ve been living with that my whole life. When I heard what had taken place, I felt powerless, I felt no hope because I knew I would never win against him. It’s always been like that, Zwelibanzi gets his way and Mandlenkosi has to accept it. It’s been like this since my mother died, my life changed. I had to be taken care by him, I had to be taken car of by my father. The same father who never even had enough time for me. I doubt he even remembered my name, he always called me boy. When you lose the mother of your children, the children become solely your responsibility, that didn’t matter to him. He expected us to be fine, just the two of us. I was eleven Amile, I needed my mom, I needed a parent to love me and show me the way. But Mhlabawesizwe cared more about his people than his own son. Banzi didn’t make it any easier for me to get by, he had his own life to live, to busy to take care of me too and from that day I held that grudge against him. As a big brother, he should’ve known that my behaviour at school was the result of the treatment I got from him and his father. Langalethu was a way better brother and father figure to me. He lived in Durban, he was studying and working there, he would take me for the holidays and take me to therapy, because like a real brother, he saw behind the naughty disrespectful boy and saw the hurt and pain of the healing process I never got to go through. For my mom, and for the love I never received from both of them. He tried. But nothing was bound to work out because Zwelibanzi was here and he took away the one thing I had as comfort, my brothers love. He dragged me back to Zululand and expected me live like normal again. There was no normal in that place, I hated it. But Bhut’ Langa couldn’t say anything, Banzi was solely in charge of me. I did exceptionally well at school, but that was only because I was smart. I never studied, never bothered to concentrate on my books. I continued to be a troublemaker and made every single teacher cry. I was rotten, at least that’s what Mhlaba called me. He despised me so much that even in my matric year when I came first in my district, he didn’t even have the decency to say congratulations. I was still that Rotten boy that he used to beat each and everyday for tearing down his reputation in the community.”
She’s asleep, her eyes are closed, but tears are dropping from her eyes. She’s listening.
“When he died, I didn’t even want to go to his funeral, but they forced me to. I hate that place with my whole heart Amile because it brings me nothing but pain and heartache. When I met you I knew I would never share you with them, I knew I didn’t want you next to them. Now this happened and when it did, I wanted to fight, but my childhood, it pressed me down and I realized that I would never win, I would never get you again. I lost hope and I shouldn’t have. It kills me each and everyday to think that you were mine but now you are his. Once again he has taken from me, he’s taken from me the one thing I knew was mine, and I will never forgive him for that.”
She opens her eyes and climbs on her lap and wraps her arms around his neck and holds him. They cried together.



***Amile Gumede***


I slept in his arms with an aching heart. It was a conversation that was long overdue and it was about time we had it. It tore my heart apart, thinking about it now my heart aches and tears grace my face. I understand but I wish he had told me sooner. All of this could’ve been avoided
He’s up. His hand is running through my hair gently. It’s not a good morning. It definitely wasn’t a good night, but nothing matters more than waking up in his arms like this. I look up to meet his face and he looks like he’s far away in thought. When he looks at me, tears fill my eyes and all he does is pull me closer and hold me.
“I’m going to go see someone about it.” He speaks. His voice is hoarse.
I nodded. He rubbed my back as I continued to stain his shirt with tears.
He lifted my face and looked at me. He wiped my tears with his thumb and leaned in to kiss me. I closed my eyes and kissed him back. I’ve never felt so emotional in my whole life. It feels like my heart is being cut into two. This kiss is nothing like we’ve ever kissed before, it’s filled with passion, a flame of some sort and tears are running on each of our faces.
It’s the hurting. The hurting is taking over. He has me under him and he’s kissing me slowly, no rush. I don’t want him to stop, lord knows how I missed this, how I missed being with him, being in his arms.
Nothing that has happened between us matters. Nothing that has sworn to get in between us matters right now, only the rhythm of our bodies. I remove his clothing and that acts like a trigger to him because he stops. It’s still my Mandlenkosi.
“Don’t stop.” I beg.
I’m ready for him. I’ve always been ready for him, and I’ve always wanted this, I always envisioned this day.
With no second thought, he’s inside of me. I hold on tight as our bodies ride in a soothing rhythm. Tears stream down to my sides and he leans in to kiss my nose.
“You mean the world to me Amile.”
He buries my moans with a kiss and he goes harder and harder on top of me. I don’t know what to do with myself.
“Nkosi! Nko…oosi!”
The sound of our bodies together, his smell on mine, I never want this to end.


***Nambitha Makhathini***


My sister is visiting. She’s actually here to see her daughter for the weekend before she goes back to her busy life. I love having her around, she’s a vibe. And I need some advice after yesterday’s call with Nkululeko. She’s going to be ecstatic that I’ve finally given it a shot in the dating world. I just don’t know how she will feel about Nkululeko himself.
Am I stupid for wanting to give him chance.
“Zimkhitha?” we all have Xhosa first names.
My mother is Xhosa and dad gave her the benefit of the doubt and let her give us the names. He in turn gave us ridiculous English names, names I don’t even want to say out loud.
“I need advice.” I said walking in to the lounge.
“Usuyajola?” I laughed.
“Something like that.” She clapped once and laughed.
“No don’t laugh. I need your help.”
“Does your mother know?”
“She found out and shes not happy. This is the same woman who came to my room to tell me that I need to live my life.” She died all over again.
“You can never confirm Mrs Makhathini. Okay, file on the man.” She loves stories.
“His name is Nkululeko and he lives in Durban North…” she interrupts me.
“Like the suburb, is he rich?” I laughed.
“No. Well I don’t know, but he’s studying accountancy so if he isn’t rich now he will be soon.”
“Thatha wena Namnam.” I laughed.
I still hate that name, but my whole family calls me that, I have no choice but to like it.
“So what is the problem with him, is he bad in bed, or he doesn’t have a car.” Gold digger tendencies I see.
“First of all Zimkhitha, I don’t have sex, I’m a virgjn. Two, he does have a car but he’s older, way older.”
“How old are we talking?”
“Thirty.” She widened her eyes.
“Did you bath with the pink powder I left the last time I was here.” I cracked up.
“No man, why would I do that.”
“So how did you snag a sugar daddy who has a car and a house in Durban North?”
My sister is definitely a gold digger.
“I don’t know. He just started following me around. Okay, fine, I don’t care about all those things. He’s a good person, he has a good heart and I actually like him. But he has kids.” Her face is priceless.
“Shiya leyonto. You are too young.” I didn’t expect that.
“I’ve dealt with Baby mama’s before Namnam, trust me, those ladies will beat you up.” She knows this because she’s also a baby mama.
“But they aren’t together.”
“It doesn’t matter. That woman will always be in his life, whether you like it or not. They share a human being, and she will do anything to make you miserable in your relationship because you have taken away her ‘man’ whether or not they are together. If you feel like you are strong enough to engage in physical and emotional fights with women, especially that are much older than you that have given him something you haven’t, and in your case, what you can’t, then go ahead.” She just made me rethink everything.
He didn’t specify if they have different mothers or not, but that would be worse. This actually should prove to me that he has a loose zip. But he’s thirty, he’s way older than me, he can have as many children as he desires, especially because he’s financially stable
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My phone is ringing disturbing me from my nap, I don’t like being disrupted. I ignored and continued to sleep. It rings again. I know it’s no other than Nkululeko, no one ever calls me. I don’t feel like talking to him, especially because I just woke up. What Zimkhitha said really had me thinking and it really would be really taxing for me to get into something serious with Nkululeko, his children aren’t baggage, but the come with lots of it.
I got up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Zimkhitha is cooking in the kitchen. We are definitely spending the night in the toilet.
“You finally woke up.” She said looking at me.
“I need to study.” She laughed
“it’s a Saturday, why are you studying?”
“We are a month away from finals, I have so much to do.”
“Shame man, at least you are dedicated. Maybe you’ll pass and break the generational curse that is in your family.” Not maybe, I will pass. I already did well in my trials.
“Yeah.” I got my glass of water and as I was about to exit the kitchen, someone was ringing at the gate.
“Who is that.” I turn back.
“I’ll go check.” She goes out.
I head back to my room to prep my study materials. Zimkhitha comes back just as I settle down.
“It’s a man, a dark skinned man. He said his name is Jama and he is looking for you.” Oh hell no.
“Are you serious?” I ask.
“Is it your boyfriend?”
“Yes. Did he say what he wants?
“He said he wants you.”
Nkululeko is overstepping now. What if my parents were home?
“I’ll be back now.”
“Don’t forget what I told you.” I nodded.
I got a jacket because it was drizzling outside and work comfy shoes. I walked out and he was leaning against the wall waiting for me.
“Nana.”
“Nkululeko are you crazy. Why are you coming to my house.”
“You weren’t answering my calls. I was worried.” I shook my head.
“Let’s go buy some ice cream.” He looked at me with that seductive smile and I can’t help but fall for him. He is totally irresistible.
“Fine, let’s go, but you have to bring me back. I need to study.”
“We’ll be back soon, I promise.”
He holds my hand and we walk to his car. He opens the door for me like the gentleman he is and I make myself comfortable. He doesn’t speak, he’s just playing music. Today he’s playing Rnb, I don’t think I know this artist but this is a love song. All he does is just glance at me and continue driving and humming. Is he not going to say anything?
“I miss you.” He said after a long silence.
We are driving to that ice-cream place he took me to the last time.
“You saw me yesterday.” I point out.
“Seeing you is not the same as connecting with you. I haven’t connected with you since that day, and I miss you.” He’s right.
After that call its been awkward.
“Who’s fault is that?” I ask. He shook his head.
“You could’ve just said I miss you back MaXulu.” I sighed.
“Have you thought about it?”
“You said you would give me time.” This means I’m still undecided.
Which means I’m still considering giving him a chance even after all the things my sister said.
He didn’t answer. We continued the drive in silence. When we got to the ice-cream place, we aren’t as jolly as we were when we first came here. He’s still holding my hand though, and that’s all that matters. He got me the same one as last time and he got himself another flavour. We didn’t stay there, he drove us out to the beach.
It’s not drizzling this side, the sun is almost about to set and the view looks splendid.
I walk in front of him and kick the sand. I left my shoes in the car, so did he. I feel like I owe him an answer now. It would be unfair of me to keep him waiting.
“MaXulu.” I turned to face him.
He smiled and opened his arms for me. I didn’t think twice, I went into his arms and he embraced me tightly. I felt so at peace in his arms.
“I said something last night.” I know what he said.
“Did you hear me?” I nodded. “Angizwa MaXulu.”
“Yes I heard you Jama.” I’m still wrapped around his arms.
“I meant it.” I know he did.
My heart is beating fast.
“I love you Nana.” My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach.
“I…” I stopped.
“Say something.”
“I don’t know how to describe this feeling.” I said.
“Then show it to me.”
I’m scared. I broke the hug and looked at him in the eyes. This is the first time I’m holding eye contact with him. I pecked his lips and looked back at him.
“Are you sure?” I nodded.
Oh so he can hear me now?
He kissed me again and this time I was able to wrap my arms around him. His hand ran to my bum and he cupped it, picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist.
I know exactly what I’m setting myself up for, am I ready to deal with it, I don’t think so.