The Choppa Effect

One

I always hated going out but somehow I always found myself going out anyway; I would always end up leaving my house and being outside and I never had any idea why or how.

In particular I always hated going out like this.

I like going out to dinner, to brunch, to do some go karting, have fun with some paint balling and other normal stuff like pampering myself or traveling.

Like a normal person.

A lie?

I hate coming to the club but that could be hard to believe because I still have a lot of fun when I do but that is just because I am an alcoholic.

The colourful, flashing lights could blind anyone. I was completely surrounded by multiple people which included girls gyrating their hips to extra loud bass boosted music by the likes of Vybz Kartel, Skillibeng, Skeng etc.

"Yuh good?" I get pulled from my thoughts because of the query from my best friend.

My eyes meet his while his hand was resting on my shoulder. "Yeah."

He pushes his eyebrows together. "Yuh sure?"

I almost roll my eyes but I know he is always just looking out for me and making sure I am okay.

"Yeah, I'm alright."

My response earns me a smile.

"Alright, good. We're gonna go buy drinks now and come right back." He releases my shoulder and walks towards the bar.

I take a seat so that they could bring a table there and went on my phone to pass time.

Before I knew it a table is being brought to me followed by girls holding Appleton, chasers, cups and buckets of ice.

As soon as everything was set down I made a drink for myself but before I could properly take a sip I feel someone nudge me.

My best friend.

"Some more people are supposed to come soon." He says to me.

Ok?

"Oh okay," I am not sure how to respond and I would assume he could tell because I don't particularly deal well with company or people overall. "I think I'm gonna take a walk then come back."

He simply nods then turns back to his friends while I make my way outside with my cup and phone in hand.

I finally feel like I can breathe once I am outside and because of that I take a deep breath and release a sigh of relief. Leaving the club physically was the last thing I needed to do to finally breathe properly.

Finally.

Peace and quiet.

In a way it almost seems as if I am torturing myself by coming out to places like this because I have to drink to get out of character to enjoy myself.

In a way it's almost a form of self harm don't you think?

All I can hear is some form of choppa song that I can't even be bothered to decipher playing distantly in the background and feel the cool, night breeze outside against my clammy skin.

This is one of the most amazing feelings to me as a form of release from that club.

I do a small smile to myself and took a sip from my cup.

"Muma."

Dear God...

I must be imagining.

Just when I thought it would all go well I had to be disturbed.