Freaky Lil' Poems | Poetry

My Fault.

“A relationship with no communication is just two people” -Unknown

You told me you were happy,

That there was nothing scary,

You told me you were fine,

That there was nothing to hide.

-

But why did I believe you?

Why was I unable to see the cracks,

Between your smile,

The obvious pain,

behind your eyes,

It told an unknown tale,

I was unaware about.

-

Why was I so oblivious?

Why was I so blind?

So blind I was never serious,

About why you always cried behind.

-

Were you just good at lying?

No it was me,

Who was dumb, idiotic, stupid,

Who just didn't care enough.

-

It was all my fault,

For not conversing,

It was all my fault,

For not asking,

It was all my fault,

For shrugging it off,

It was all my fault,

For how your body laid cold then.

-

Ambulances, Police,

Gathering your once warm body,

Which now was resting,

on the muddy road,

My world breaking, life tearing,

Everything was only a blur.

-

The quiet but loud whispers,

The shocked faces,

The crying people,

I could make out nothing,

Only your numb, cold body.

-

Days turned into weeks,

Weeks turned into months,

But I was still the same,

An incoherent mess,

Crying felt like dying,

Breathing felt so painful,

Guilt covered my whole body,

It turned me into an awful being.

-

Everytime I looked in a mirror,

It was so sickening,

Cause what I was seeing wasn't me,

But a wicked, shameful man.

-

A year has passed, since your death,

I wonder if you're still here,
Somewhere,

just a fragment of your soul,

watching me, hopefully hating,

If it still is, let me tell you,

I still love you,

I still miss you,

I want you back in my arms,

Only you, at my place,

Where we'd binge watch our series,

For the 17th time of our life,

Where we'd give eachother,

Heartfelt cuddles, forehead kisses.

-

But now, I don't deserve anything,

I don't even deserve living,

I'm sure you'd want the same for me,

For me to lay dead,

at the bottom of the lake,

So that's what I'll be doing now,

I'll be joining you soon enough.

-

Recalling all our favourite moments,

Just thinking them one last time,

As a single drop of tear leaves my eyes,

I let my body free in the water,

Let it drown, deep within the waves,

Let the water fill my lungs,

The fishes bite my legs,

And the life slip from my hands.