Why Why Why

Chapter 3

Next period came, and I just sit in my own thoughts. Finally the bell rings, and I run straight out of the class. Hearing my name being called I stop and cautiously turned around afraid of what might happen. I sighed in relief as I realized it wasn't a teacher calling but Jane.

"What do you want?" I call out to her.

She runs to me "Do you want to hang out with me and eat lunch together?"

"No," I say in a harsh tone.

She stares at me for a while and shakes her head. "Come on, pleaseeee?"

I shake my head. I didn't want to hang out with her or eat lunch. I needed to get skinnier. Ignoring her pleads I head to the bathroom and lock myself in a stall. Sitting hunched over I start to cry. I hate it here. I decide to attempt tonight.

After school finishes, I head home and grab my anti-depressants from the medicine cabinet. My mum was out at work until 10pm so I had plenty of time. Writing a note to my mum saying sorry I swallow a big handful of pills. My vision goes blurry as I grab my blade holding it against my skin as I slice down hard. I do this quite a few times. The blood spills out fast and everything goes black.

I wake up at the hospital wires connected to me. My mum sees me wake up and just looks at me.

I hang my head and start sniffling.

The nurse comes in to check my blood pressure.

"Hey darling, how are you feeling?" She asks me.

I don't say anything and stare at my hands. She pats my shoulder and leaves. Mum and I sit in silences listening to the beeps of the machine. She eventually leaves me by myself to my own thoughts. I bang the bed in anger. I should've died. A psychologist comes in and asks me questions. I don't say anything which she then leaves giving up. I stay at the hospital for a few days. The doctors tell me I'm all good to leave which I gladly do so.

My mum isn't around, and I wonder why. I get home by myself and I see my mum at home drinking. Opening the door, she looks at me with hatred. Walking over to me she smacks me on the face. I look at her stunned.

"Why did you hit me for," I say incredulously.

She stares at me before replying, "You are a burden on me. If you were just mentally stable and didn't take everything so seriously then I wouldn't be in this position. Now I have to look after your stupid ass."

She slaps me again. "Why don't you fucking die bitch!"

I am stunned. I wasn't expecting to come home to this mess. My hand touches my face as I feel the stinging pain on my cheek.

"Don't you fucking move," my mother says.

She grabs her beer bottle and smacks it on my head. I fall down with pain. Whimpering I stare at my mother. What the hell did she become I ask myself. She starts kicking me and I curl up in a ball accepting fate. The voices in my head come back and start taunting me.

You're useless

You're a burden to everyone

You're too fat

You can't make anyone happy

Why don't you just die

My mum finally stops hurting me and I run to my room.

She calls after me, "I don't want to ever see your face and if I do you'll fucking regret it you piece of shit."

I sob into my pillow. Grabbing my blade I start cutting. My arm stings but it feels nice. I wrap my arm in bandages and flop in my bed.