𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔞 𝔰𝔞𝔫𝔱𝔬...

chapter 5

her outfit ^^^

i lay in my new bed thinking about my life back in london. thinking about dave,storms my dad, school everything . including c. thinking about how our first kiss was so special, even though we were only in high school it felt real, everything with him felt so fucking real. the times where we'd bunk off our lesson and go hide in the bushes on the school field to make out and smoke, hoping no teachers would catch us.

i was there for him for so long, so fucking long and he had the fucking guts to go behind my back and sleep with my best mate. the person who i thought had my back, all those days we were together, doing each others makeup, putting on face masks together, singing our hearts out to the radio in my car. all those times i was there for her when her parents got divorced, when she came to me crying after seeing her mother sniffing lines of coke on the dinning room table. we cuddled together in my bed whilst she Cried her eyes out and i consoled her, told her everything was gonna be okay, that she was gonna be okay as long as she had me. all those times she consoled me whilst i was having a hard time. telling me it'll be okay. telling me she loved me and she'd never hurt me. but all of that was a fucking lie because she broke my heart. even more than cee. she was my sister. my best fucking freind. yeah i had other freinds but she was the only girl so we really connected.

our group in high school was the best.
me, david, adz, cee and kenza.

i haven't spoken to adz after he moved away.he had to leave cause his abusive parents took things way to far to the point where his step dad almost beat him to death. after that he decided it was best to move away, far far away and not tell anyone where he was going. the next morning i got up and we all waited for him at our usual meet up place, where we'd smoke before school. but all that was there was a letter telling us about everything that he was going away, couldn't tell anyone where, he couldn't keep in contact and how he hated this so much but he had to do it for his sake.

we never spoke to him again. i fucking miss him so much. if he was here he'd know exactly what to do, what to say to me and how to comfort me. fuck, we were so close before i got together with cee. from there our friendship just declined.

cench had major jealousy issues and he was always jealous of our friendship. sure we did sleep with each other a few times before but i would never cheat on him. i would never do him like he did me.

silent tears ran from my eyes down to my cheeks eventually forming droplets to hang of from my chin until they reached the blanket i had draped over me. soon my blanket was soaked with my sorrows.

"hey, i- oh my god are you okay?" i was to busy to notice someone enter my room

i sat up and oscar ran towards my bed before taking me into a hug. it was warm and definitely what i needed so i didn't say anything i just took him in wrapping my arms around his chest and burying my head into his shoulder, my tears forming puddles on his grey shirt.

i stayed this way for a few minutes just holding onto him letting my tears run down my face thinking about cee, kenza and adz. as much as i hate tho say it i miss kenza and the way she could always comfort me when i was feeling like shit. but fuck her if she wants to throw our friendship away for a quick fuck, that shows that she didn't care. i don't need her.

i pulled apart from oscar,taking a deep breath in from my nose and letting it leave through my mouth, repeating until i was calm again. then suddenly remembering what my therapist told me. 'if you find yourself wondering in your thoughts, find something to focus your mind on, if it's talking to someone or reading a book. something simple like even listening to some calming music' with that i decided to focus my mind on Oscar

i looked into his eyes. i could see the worry

"i'm fine"

"no your not what up" he replied pushing the hair that was in my eyes behind my ears.

"nothing i was just thinking about my friends, i miss then you know" i tried shrugging it off but i don't think he really believed it. i mean with the amount of crying i had done it made sense.

he gave another hug and soon after pulled away taking my fingers into his

"your going to be okay i get you miss your freinds but you can always call and maybe one day they can come out here and stay with us for a while" he was so sweet honestly

"thanks oscar" i sent him a small small

"no worries, now i came here to tell you that you need to go to sleep cause tomorrow, your gonna meet some of the santos, there gonna be around here a lot so it'll be good for you to get to know them"

i nodded

"okay get some sleep" he said laying me back onto my pillow and pulling the blanket over me. he then kissed my forehead and leaves the room. and with that i dozed off.