Once Fate Became Twisted | Man x Boy | Ⅱ

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Isoloses made it back from the tavern with Uysasera and his mind was buzzing with activity from his earlier conversation with Uysasera. He felt something that wasn't exactly bad and he while he couldn't really discern what he was feeling precisely, it was... relieving in an odd way. He had never considered children as a possibility, nor a question... but he'd also been convinced he couldn't have them, and based on that alone it was easier to not want them than it was to want them and not be able to have them.

It was daunting really because while what Uysasera said made a lot of sense, he just wasn't... certain. He was worried Naevys was going to freak out mainly. They weren't really committed despite the relationship they had and it was... difficult to know if Naevys was thinking the exact thing that he was at some points.

While Isoloses knew that Naevys had some sort of affection for him, he didn't know if his feelings matched the ones Isoloses had. And, Isoloses didn't even know what his own feelings were when it came to Naevys. He knew that Naevys made everything better, even if he was still well aware that everything still sucked he felt better just because he was near Naevys. It wasn't magic or anything, but it worked for him.

Naevys was like the light at the end of the tunnel or something cheesy like that. He symbolized hope and peace for Isoloses, he was... he was home to Isoloses. He was nice and warm and provided something that was actually good for him to serve. Isoloses wasn't a leader, he'd never been one, and he had no idea how to handle it long-term. No, he needed someone to tell him what to do. More specifically, Naevys. He didn't want anyone else.

He was... Naevys is special. He's different.

He didn't feel awful when he was with Naevys, he didn't feel guilty much, or even focus on negatives... which is... something. Something complicated, and something that examining was daunting to think about. Isoloses was invested in Naevys, he knew that, but he didn't need to make it worse, to make it deeper, if he didn't have to. The feelings Naevys inspired in his life were not the ones that belonged there. Even before his father fucked with his genetics, he was still evil, a demon, and he didn't have room in his life for commitment.

He didn't deserve to be close to Naevys like this. Now that he was free of his father's command, even with the ability and freedom to mate with whomever he wanted, he felt like he was too ruined anyway. He wanted to pull himself apart, to watch the pieces of the horrible life he'd lived fall apart at the seams and disintegrate into nothingness. He was a monster, with a legacy of destruction and unease. He wasn't... he wasn't good enough for Naevys.

Why should he be allowed to touch Naevys, who deserved so much more than him? Why should he ask Naevys something like this when he couldn't even be certain Naevys was serious about him?

Even with all of that in his head, though... he wanted Naevys. He wanted to spend his life chasing after Naevys as he goes about spreading light everywhere.

"Excuse me, sir?" A soft, feminine voice came from behind him and he turned around, taking in the sight of the maid standing behind him. He hadn't even realized it, but he'd stopped in front of Naevys's office door and was just standing there like a jackass. "I-I just was going to u-uh offer to open the t-the door if you needed assistance." She said, stepping back a little as if he might attack her. He fought back the urge to sigh deeply as he shook his head.

"I can open a door, I was just lost in thought." He muttered under his breath and raised his hand to knock on Naevys's office door.

"Come in," Naevys called, and Isoloses pushed open the door, stepping inside the office and shutting the door behind him. Naevys glanced up from his desk and smiled a bit, his black eyes gleaming a little with something. "Isoloses I needed to talk to you, so you're right on time," Naevys said, standing up from his desk before he walked over to his file cabinet and began digging through it.