YOURS•AND•ONLY

Capter 7 - Endurance

WARNINGS!!!! This chapter contains self-blame and descriptions of psychological and emotional pain (also mention of death). If you've been through this and it can trigger anything in you, please skip the I donť know, 4th, 5th and the 6th paragraphs. This chapter also includes descriptions of committing violence against another person (not that he doesn't deserve it) so my dear readers, I highly recommend to not take anything personally. Its just an imaginary character I made up for this story, but still. Afterwards it will get better, I promise.

Wordcount: o.O 6558 Like wut????

----------------------------------------------

Most days, Talbott felt like people were far worse than animals - he thought that people are selfish, arrogant, cynical, conceited and often rude to other beings. Today was no different. Today, he was once again convinced of human cruelty. Today, he reaffirmed his conviction that he wanted nothing to do with people, that it was more pleasant for him to be alone. There was nothing else he could do, since the only person whose presence was not only pleasant but necessary for him was no longer here...

Talbott was enjoying his day with you; he was so happy to see you again, to spend time with you, to hug you, but above all to see you happy again - to see your smile. He didn't need anything else for a happy life, just you.

It wasn't so long ago that he finally realized what that pleasant feeling in his chest meant - he had probably suspected it from the very beginning, but only now, in your presence again, did he admit that his heart was beating with immeasurable love for you. He felt like he was in seventh heaven when his whole dream collapsed like a house of cards.

Originally, he didn't realize how fleeting his current life was, he thought you'd be together forever... That nothing bad can happen to you, that nothing can separate the two of you. Oh, how horribly wrong he was... If he knew he could lose you in the blink of an eye, he would have protected you more, been more careful combing the forest before he landed. If only he had known how fragile human life is, he would have been more careful and taken his wand with him, which has been lying in the dust for years in one of the drawers of his wardrobe. If, only IF!

He mentally berated himself for how incompetent he was. Because if he was any good, this wouldn't have happened right? Because if he was any good, he wouldn't be sitting here on the cold cobblestones, tearing his hair out in frustration over whether you're okay or truly dead. He grunted silently in pain as he hit his head with his injured hand harder than he intended, yet he did it again, again and again, welcoming the physical pain over the emotional. The physical pain goes away, you get used to it, while the mental pain persists, still haunting you like your personal ghost. It never goes away... You can temporarily distract yourself but it keeps coming back at you in waves that persistently crash into you. Like its funny. Like its welcoming, as if you wanted it... And maybe he does want it. Maybe if he feels like shit for the rest of his life, you would forgive him for not protecting you. For not dying with you.

His injured hand throbed painfully, but all he cared about was you. He blamed himself for not reacting sooner...

.

Talbott was absolutely sure of his feelings for you, but before he confessed to you he wanted to be sure that you shared at least some of the same feelings for him that he had for you. Yes, he trusted you, and he was sure you wouldn't knowingly do anything to hurt him. But he didn't know if your concern for his health and your contagious smile were just signs of your generosity and kindness. He didn't want to falsely hope for something he could never have.

That's why he decided to ask you what you've been hiding from him for so long. He originally didn't want to force you to tell him because he could tell this was a topic you didn't want to discuss. But now, now that his life was moving into a completely different phase, he wanted to know the answers to his questions before he allowed himself to fall over the edge and free-fall into the unknown. Based on your answer, he knew he would either fall alone or with you by his side.