Stigmata

I am not a Martyr

The energy in the hallway after we left the king's office was...awkward, to say the least. I could feel the need to scold me rolling off my aunt in waves and my uncle looked very tired. Freddy clearly wanted to leave but was held in place by social convention. No one could leave without the queen's permission.

Well, I could, but I didn't want to. Not yet.

I turned to look down at the queen and found her looking up at me. We smiled at each other, but the expressions were a lot less friendly, this time.

"That was fun." Truth. "But we can never do that again. You understand, right?"

I did. She was telling me quite firmly that this was the only time she would ever take my side in this palace. It was regrettable, but made a lot of sense, politically. I was the Noble Faction's shiny new toy, a blade aimed right at her son's neck. I had little doubt that I was already being used to undermine Clara's reputation. Even though I had no intention of ever taking the throne for myself, she still had to defend her children from the attacks made against them using my name. Quite the turnaround from the novels, but, even then, she was using Theophania's timid nature to bolster her children's status.

Maybe she was the one who sent me away, then. If only to keep this exact situation from happening.

Oops.

"I do."

She nodded and gestured at her entourage with a graceful hand. An older woman wearing a maid's dress cut from finer fabric than the rest stepped forward, head bowed, but shoulders straight.

"This is Maya. She will escort you to the Einsam Palace. If you find anything lacking, don't hesitate to ask for help. I can at least do that much." Truth.

Ah, Einsam Palace. Theophania's prison. I wonder if it will be as terrible for me as it was for her.

I bowed a deeper bow than I had inside the king's office, once again using a priestess' manner. "Thank you for your consideration, Your Majesty."

She smiled at me, completely ignoring my family as she turned away and left with her servants following behind. Rude.

I want to be like her when I grow up.

My aunt tugged on my arm sharply, her beautiful face pinched in a frown. "Theophania," she hissed. "How could you be so disrespectful? Why didn't you follow the script we gave you?"

Right. The script. The script she worked so hard on. The script that had me acting like a child in desperate need of a parent's love. The script I spent hours memorizing. That script.

In all honesty, I did plan on following it, at first. But when I looked at that man, I just...

My uncle pulled his wife's hands away from my arm. "I understand." Truth. "He's an aggravating man." Truth.

...was it alright for him to say something like that right outside that aggravating man's office? In front of his servants? In front of his wife's? Did the Noble Faction have enough power to make such words safe? Did the Montferro Duchy?

Whatever. My uncle knew better than I did what was and wasn't safe. If he wanted to bad mouth the king right outside his door, I wasn't about to stop him.

"He really is."

I, of course, could say whatever I wanted, no matter where I was or who was around to hear.

"I do wonder if it was a good idea to show your true colors so soon, though?" We all turned to glare at Freddy. "What?"

I rolled my eyes at him. Yes, my 'helpless priestess with no worldly knowledge' act was just that, an act, but everyone already knew that. If it was in any way the truth, I wouldn't have reached out to my uncle for help in the first place. He and my aunt were content to play along if it meant I would do the same for their 'doting family' act. Freddy dispelling the illusion raised too many uncomfortable questions his parents didn't want to answer.

There was no way he didn't know all that. He was raised as a member of the aristocracy, after all. Calling us all out for our deceptions probably served some purpose I didn't yet understand.

Interesting how he waited until the queen left, but still spoke in front of her maid. Was he not part of the Royal Faction, after all? Or were she and the prince not on the same page?

Whatever. None of that really mattered to me.

I raised a hand to my mouth in a very dramatic display of worry. "Are you saying you want me to suffer in the palace? Freddy, how could you?"

He recoiled almost violently. "Wait, no, that's not what I—."

I dropped my act and stuck my tongue out at him. He ground his teeth and looked away with a huff. Haha.

"Children." My uncle's expression was serious, but his tone was soft. Freddy and I quickly schooled our expressions. "What's done is done. All things considered, I'd say that went rather well." Truth. He reached out and placed his hands on my shoulders, sighing as he looked me over. The smile on his face was oddly hollow. "This is where we say goodbye, then. If the palace proves too much for you, you can always come back." Lie.

I didn't call him out on his words. They were the kind of empty reassurances parent's gave their children all the time. Besides, even if I did leave the palace I wouldn't go back to my uncle.

"Thank you."

My aunt hugged me closer than the 'happy family' act demanded and I returned it eagerly. I liked her. She was a little overbearing, but she seemed genuine most of the time. Sure, she left me to rot in the monastery, but so did everyone else.

Freddy was shifting his weight nervously, so I spared him the trouble of hugging me goodbye. I stuck my tongue out at him again and did my best to copy the queen as I flounced past him to stand in front of the maid she left behind. I smiled through Freddy's insulted sputtering.

"Apologies for the delay."

She didn't even react. I suppose she probably saw a lot of more interesting spectacles, living in the palace, but still. It was a little unnerving.

She curtseyed low. "At your leisure, Your Highness. If you will please follow me."

I gave into temptation and turned to wave at my family—mostly to see what face Freddy was making—before following her further into the palace. Taylor fell into step behind me as we turned a corner and I was suddenly struck with the overwhelming reality that she was all I had. And I'd stolen her.

Aiyah~, I was too evil. What kind of monster would willingly bring a good child like Taylor into a viper's nest? I knew what kind of things could happen here, and I still decided to be selfish and share the suffering with someone else. Poor Taylor, cursed with a cruel mistress.

It wasn't too late to send her back. I didn't, though. I was self-aware, not self-sacrificing. We'd just have to suffer together.

And, if I played my cards right, we wouldn't have to suffer at all.